Question for men in long term relationships...?

Question

I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now and i'm a little concerned about our sex life....

When we first got together we only spent the weekends together, so we would have sex about 3 or 4x's on the weekend. When we got more serious and spent time during the week we had sex a little more than that...

I have mostly been the initiator of sex and as time goes on it seems that we have sex less. We live together for a year now and have sex like every other week... I don't really initiate anymore and he does in the most sublte ways that it doesn't really turn me on to really get into it and we end up having quickies.

We've both gained a weight since we got together and I think that plays a factor although he says he is still attracted to me ...our romance has also declined.

Are we both being lazy and is this normal to go through this in a realtionship? We have a baby on the way now and we don't want it to get worse. Any good advice?

Answer 1

This is normal in a relationship. There are just so many times in a relationship you can ride the same roller coaster. Expect it to lose a little appeal as you get familiar. Romance can still remain strong, but it is friendship that really keeps a couple together in the long run.

Answer 2

You are both being lazy and yes, it is normal. Relationships do take work...continued romance, even though your relationship has matured, not only takes work, but continued repetition. "I love you!" "I think your're a stud muffin!" "I think your sexy!" "Lets try something different!" "Lets move the action to the picnic table!" "Let's have fun in the shower!" "Oooo! Look at the positions in this book!!" "Lets buy me a new toy!"

If you want more sex...then initiate it. If you are thinking that your gaining weight plays a factor in the decline of sex drive...loose it after the baby is born and try not to gain more than is necessary during the pregnancy.

Pregnancy has a BIG influence on sex. He might not want to hurt you....you might be more hormonal...you need to relax and just go with the flow and smooch him and love him. Its only an issue if he isn't reciprocating AT ALL or starts behavior that is completely not within his normal character.

Sex will become less frequent with the coming of the child and as your relationship continues. You both have to understand this, BUT!! this doesn't make sex less important for the both or you...or the time you spend with each other (aside from sex) non-existent and less important. make the effort to get a babysitter, at least once a month. You will also find creative ways to seek loving sessions. Hug, smooch, do things together, give little things to each other...show the other that they mean the world to you. You will be fine.

Answer 3

Well there is never an easy answer.I have been in a 16 year relationship and have always been the aggressor so to speak.
You have to spice it up or it will become the same old sex routine.I am always looking for ways to improve in that area.
Sometimes if you let your imagination run wild.You will find ways to make it better.
Say like set aside 2 days a week,not counting weekends,to have sex.make the other one responsible for one night.The other for the other night.Make it fun,as well as intimate.If you are not sure what to do.There are all kinds of information out there to help.
Maybe on your night.Leave him a note in the morning.Somewhere he wont find it until he is gone.Telling him what you are gonna do to him that night.That always works for me.All I think about all day is getting home.
Alot of people are afraid to role play,but if that is what it takes.Then do it.
Do a search on ask jeeves.com.Ways to make sex more pleasureable.There are a ton of sites that can help.With many different alternatives.Hope that helps
If he really loves you and you him.Weight shouldnt be a problem.As far as the kid goes.I hear alot of people say sex changes when the baby is born.Not the case here.For a little while yea,but stay focused and it shouldnt.if anything it will be you who decides to make that change.

Answer 4

It sounds like your relationship is following the normal course. Now that you are together all the time, you see each other every day and the sex has slowed down.

My wife and I had the same basic thing happen. I was the initiator, but I got tired of being the only initiator and that led to sex once a month. I have been depressed lately and even the once a month stopped, but it will start again.

Couples living together tend to have less sex rather than more, since sex is possible at any time.

The weight gain is common too. You both are comfortable together and not watching your weight to look good for going out. You both have to force yourselves to watch your weight.

Take care,
Troy

Answer 5

Sounds like you and him have two different levels of sex drive. Not a good match for a long term relationship as the one with the higher level get very unhappy. I doubt the weight has too much to do with it, sounds much more like an excuse to not have sex. Too bad you decided to have a baby as that is a real sex killer to a relationship.

Answer 6

Not a man, but would like to say that it happens to everyone, I have been going through the same thing. You both need to set time aside for each other, otherwise you get caught up in life and just let it slide.
In the beginning you are both so eager to please each other. Then you just get comfortable with each other and can be more like yourselves. How many of us could go like that everyday and still work, take care of our houses and care for our kids?
You are not on the break up path. things will be fine.

Answer 7

Normal - yes
Gets worse after the kid comes along.
You both need to work at keeping the relationship fresh. Highly recommend a date night once a week that you keep with each other no matter what.
Do stuff you might not do now; sexy lingerie, shave/groom each other, porno, send each other "dirty" little gifts for no reason....be creative.

Answer 8

to be honest with u i am going through the same thing with my husband we have been togeather for 8 years i would try diff things that is what we have had to do i wish u the best and a baby takes a bill toll on a relastion ship sometimes

Answer 9

Its kind of normal. you got to spice it up a little. Some and/or most men like variety in a relationship. Put on a nice sexy wig and dress up.

Answer 10

Have you taken sometime to let HIM know how you are feeling. If u haven't done that that's a great start. The fact htat you are preganant could just be weighing very heavy on your mind and it may not be as bad as you are thinking....