How do you live with yourself? My 83 year old mother is manipulative, hateful, mean spirited (and her doctor said that) but has nothing wrong with her mentally that would cause her behavior. I am an only child - she hates my husband (2nd husband) and tries to split our family apart. My two adopted children can't stand her - don't want to see her, She's hurt them too much by saying things about my current husband. She talks to my ex-husband on a daily basis, to see if she can talk him into trying to get custody.
My Dad died in 2000 - he was the buffer between us. We never got along. My youngest son is bi-polar, and he was just released from the mental ward a week ago today. They haven't seen her since New Year's Day. I went over once when she fell - and then I remembered that she told me tht the next time she fell he would accuse me of it. There is so much more to the story than I have characters to work with. She is an alcoholic, addicted to prescription meds.
2007-04-02 04:41:28 · 11 answers · asked by PapillionWyngs 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
It sounds to me like she is an evil witch and I would feel completely fine with you disowning her. Really your own mom
telling your ex to take your kids away from you sorry but that is drawing the line and then some. I would just tell her that she does nothing but upset you and your new family and you wish to have nothing to do with her. Really if she looked at all she has done to you she won't be surprised by this. You have a life and it is completely normal for parent's to lose contact
when they marry or just even leave home. Trust me I speak from experience I haven't spoken to my father for almost 10yrs now becuase he thought it stupid to come to my wedding just because my mom would be there he actually said pick him or my mom well that was a no brainer since he deserted me and my mom when I was only 15 and she raised me on her own just a real butthead. The funny thing about it is I'm the only son he has two others from his first marriage that has actually gotten married. So really do you have to ask tell your mother to stay the F out of your life and that the way she has treated you she doesn't deserve to have you in her life anymore or her grandkids. Enjoy your marriage and your kids and maybe when she kick's the bucket send some flowers really does she deserve more with the way she has tormented and disrespected you for the last few years.
God Bless and Good Luck!
2007-04-02 05:03:34 · answer #1 · answered by Livinrawguy 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you 'can't stand' what your mother does to you and to your 'step children' and your current husband, then you 'may without a qualm' DROP HER from you 'regular contacts' list ... your mother is, as you say, an alcoholic who is 'addicted' to prescription meds ... and THAT alone is 'enough' for you to 'simply stay AWAY from her' and to NOT LET HER MESS WITH YOU AND YOUR LIFE. I'm sorry that you 'must go through making this decision' but I had to do something 'similar' ... and you WILL RECOVER once you have been able to 'mentally divorce yourself' from your mother and her 'bad influences' on your life ... and after that, the only 'good' that you must do is what is 'good' for you and your 'immediate family' (the ones who LIVE WITH YOU and who LOVE YOU).
2007-04-02 11:52:27 · answer #2 · answered by Kris L 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hi, well I think that you should just keep trying with her and not dis own her. I mean she is 83 years old ya know and she lost her husband as well, your mom is just very lonely and hurts and she doesn't know how to express how she feels to you so she takes things out on you because your the one who is there for her.
Maybe the best thing for you to do is maybe try and have a talk with her about the way she makes you feel let her know how much it hurts when she treats you like that but tell her that you love her but soon your just going to need to stay away if this is the only way she is going to treat you. I would try that and just go over on your own keep the children away from the negitisum for the moment until she can start to appreciate those who love her but please let her know how much she is hurting you and I'm sure that will make a world of differnce.
Take care.
2007-04-02 12:41:05 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Sometimes you just have to "disown" family members. Just because she's your mother doesn't give her the right to be evil. You need to just let her go, and be done with it. Don't look back, and don't let guilt talk you into going back around. Move on, and concentrate on your family. Truly let her go, and I think you'll be a lot happier. I know from experience. Keep in mind that she'll probably make you out to be the bad guy to everyone, or try to anyway, but I'd be willing to bet that everyone already knows how vicious she is. Just walk away.
2007-04-02 12:03:14 · answer #4 · answered by ks 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
All I can say is wow. I think that you should stop talking to your mother. It seems like she has some real problems in her life that she has been unable to take care of. It seems as if you have tried to help her but she just has some real issues. Just let her know you will not be involved with someone who is so hateful and mean and that you will not be talking to her or seeing her again. Good luck.
2007-04-02 11:47:25 · answer #5 · answered by Fresh 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I have a sister like that and eventually she disowned us. I don't miss her. I know it sounds mean and wrong and all that but at the end of the day people like that are hard to be around they cause nothing but pain and destruction and there is a point where enough is enough. It sounds like you have had enough.
2007-04-02 12:05:16 · answer #6 · answered by Aurora 4 · 4⤊ 0⤋
sometimes you have to do it to save your sanity and your family. it isn't easy at first but soon you realize that it's probably the best for all involved. when you've tried everything in your power to smooth things over and it still doesn't work it can be better to let go. i had to do that with my older brother for similar reasons. it took him many years to come around. he didn't realize anything til our mom died. ultimately you have to make this desicion based on what's best for you and your family. whatever you decide, be happy
2007-04-02 11:52:43 · answer #7 · answered by racer 51 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Do we have the same mother? I talk to my mother now, but I didn't even tell her where I was for 15 years.
2007-04-02 12:02:09 · answer #8 · answered by nursesr4evr 7 · 4⤊ 0⤋
One psychiatrist I know said it well.."Sometimes you just have to walk away from crazy people in your life." It seems to apply here. I don't know very many people of that age that are mean like that. Usually older people tend to gravitate towards family. Who wants to die alone and unloved?
2007-04-02 11:49:03 · answer #9 · answered by J D 5 · 6⤊ 0⤋
You're completely right to disown that harpy. You have to think of you and your family's well being first and foremost.
2007-04-02 11:46:06 · answer #10 · answered by Melissa T 1 · 5⤊ 0⤋