Is this a good poem? I wrote it a while back and was thinking about giving it to my girlfriend.?

Question

Of night inside endless stars, she watches down.
I find her far atop soaring angels, though she finds ways to see me eye to eye.
God tell me please how it can be, that I have her hand. Because god I am in hell, and my love rests beyond Heaven.
I pray, that when my last day has gone out, my love will sink to my lowest place of stand and hold my somehow.
And I vow to the moon and stars that our lips shall never part. Our embrace of an unspoken poetic taste will stay breathing an age after death grips the heart.

.... and love has conquered all.

Answer 1

I liked it except for the hell part. Kind of lost me with that. Otherwise, it was great.

Answer 2

I would say that your feelings went into those words - that makes it a "good" poem. If others view it otherwise, does it really matter?
I bet your girlfriend will love it. And, along with few tears, you'll get a great, big kiss.

Answer 3

You need to work on a few things; mainly spelling and grammar, but a little bit of substance. I don't quite understand the first line, "Of night inside endless stars, she watches down." Just, doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but hey, it's all up to the poet...It may make sense to you. The important thing is: Will it make sense to HER?

"I find her far atop soaring angels, though she finds ways to see me eye to eye." (great line)

"God tell me please how it can be, that I have her hand. Because god I am in hell, and my love rests beyond Heaven." (I like it, but it needs some improvement in the grammar department...and I don't know where you are getting at with the "god i am in hell" - I think you should take that part out for quite a few reasons. Trust me!)

In the next line, "my" should be 'me". YOU NEED TO DO A LOT WITH GRAMMAR. (i.e. You don't have your commas in the proper places. It is a rule of poetry that you don't have to use commas, but it looks like you've decided to use them, so if you are going to, you want to use them correctly.)

I absolutely love the last couple lines, and the ending is great. Keep It!

OVERALL: You need to work on a lot of grammar, some spelling, and take out the line, "god I am in hell". BUT NICE WORK!

Answer 4

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Answer 5

I don't like it, try this one instead:

there was a young girl from peru,

who had absolutely nothing to do,

she sat on the stair counting c**t hairs,

4302!