What would you do if this happened to you...........?

Question

I am getting married shortly, and i asked my best friend to be the best man. He agreed and all and everything was good, but then a week later he calls and backs out. The reason he did this is because he's to cheap to rent a tux-even though im was going to pay for a plane ticket for him to come to the wedding (its in another state). I told him i would do this when i asked in the first place. This guy is a teacher, and i dont care what anyone says, teachers make alot of money so he can definetly afford it. I think he also might be jealous, but could i get some reactions as to what you think this?

Answer 1

Choose someone else, why waste your time thinking about it

Answer 2

Depends how much of a best friend he is. He might be an old friend, but he does not sound that loyal to you if a ground breaking day in your life is worth less than the cost of a tux rental.
It sounds a bit deeper than that to me... more like he feels really bad if he has to accept your charity with the ticket and so on, then has to swallow all the attention you are going to have when he may be feeling jealous. It may all be a bit much for him. If he was a stronger character then he could rise above it and be happy for you.

Or, it could be something completely different like he does not know what a best man is supposed to do and what would be expected of him, and instead of massive embarrassment on his part he might be backing out because of that.

Or, he may have significant debts that you do not know about and he genuinely cannot afford it. Teachers really do not make that much.

Be gracious and say to him thankyou anyway, and ask someone else who can be there to support you on your special day. Maybe a relative or a more current friend, but someone who knows you well. One day you will find out why he did this, and if it was for a difficult reason, you won't have rubbed his face in it and you will come off as the better person. If it was because he was a cheap jerk, then you have not lost anything by not having him there, in fact he will have done you a favour!

Answer 3

I really don't know how much teachers make, but I do know the proper etiquette is to rent it for him. In fact most rental places give wedding parties a huge group discount because of the amount of tuxes needed. Sometimes they offer the grooms tux for free if you rent the best mans tux from them. I say if you really want your best friend to be the best man, you should at least make the effort to check out the rental place and see if they can offer you something like this before nixing him all together.
Another thing is that he may be using the tux thing as the reason for not doing it, talk to him and see if there are other issues or reasons he may not be willing to do this for you. Or you may even consider letting him wear a suit he has available.

Answer 4

First off, I do not care what anyone says teachers do not make good money.

Tell him the expenses for the tux exactly, and tell him how much you want him there. I think it's kinda a shitty thing to do. My husband had a friend do this to him because of the cost. It is an honor for someone to ask you to be in their wedding. Really though, a tux is like 100-200 dollars, depending on where you get it from and styles, that's not too much! Bridesmaids pay a lot more for their dresses and everything.

Answer 5

Did he tell you that he was backing out cause he couldn't afford to rent the tux? You shouldn't assume. There might be something else going on in his life that is keeping him from being there with you. There might be some other major thing that has come up that he needs to tend to at that time or maybe there's something else that he can't talk to you about just yet that has to do with his money situation. If he's your best friend, I'm sure he wants to be there. I would just nicely ask him what is wrong and see why he can't make it instead of getting upset with him when you don't know what the reason is.

Answer 6

First, I think that you would be surprised to learn that teachers don't make as much money as you think, but that's beside the point.

Even if he was an exception to the rule and made "good" money, there may be other reasons that he has declined your offer. And they may actually have nothing to do with you. If he needs to fly to the wedding site, I am going to assume that you don't live close to each other. If you don't see him daily, there's a good chance you don't know about what other factors are pressing on his mind.

If you really want him to stand up for you, I think you need to talk to him. I don't think it's appropriate for you to ask about his financial situation. If it were me, I would start by telling him that he's been a great friend to you and it would mean a lot to you to have him there on your wedding day, and that you don't understand why he backed out. If you REALLY do want him there, ask him if there's something you can help with to make the trip easier for him.

If his reasons are financial, please remember, too, that there's more cost in standing up for your friend than a $100 tux rental. As best man, he's also responsible for planning your stag/bachelor party AND for a wedding gift. While most of the guys go in together, it's still a pretty penny, and he simply may not have the funds.

Good luck to you.

Answer 7

I think you should offer to pay for the tux too. Not because you think he can't afford it, but to see if he then agrees to come or if he still comes up with an excuse to back out. If so, there is more of an underlying reason than finances, and I would pick another best man.

Answer 8

Offer to pay for the tux too if possible if you really want him to be there and see if he will come. However, maybe there is another reason he does not want to come. Even if you were to do this because he said he would come then how do you know that he would even show up. Maybe you should just accept the fact that you might be better off to forget him and find someone else to be your best man. Sure you have other friends that would be happy to be your best man. Wish you all the best in your upcoming marriage. May your life be happy.

Answer 9

If it means that much to you, and according to proper etiquette, you should offer to rent the tux for him.
Teachers in the United States make less for their amount of education than most college degrees can offer.
If he lives in another state, What is he jealous of???? Maybe he has a hottie lined up for that weekend? Who knows, but the end reason may not be about you at all.

Answer 10

First, teachers don't make a lot of money. But I don't think this is his real reason. However, there's nothing you can do about it. If he doesn't want to be best man, for whatever reason, then you can't make him. At least he gave you enough time to find a replacement, since he only took a week to back down.

Answer 11

I bet alot of teachers reading this would LOVE to know where he is teaching so that they can consider a move to that school district because most teachers are severley underpaid. I dont think being "cheap" is his problem, I think you are just saying that because you are mad at him. And being jealous of you??? How old are you? That is such a 12 year old girl thing to think.
Did you ever think that maybe he just doesnt want to do it and felt that saying he couldnt afford being in your wedding would be easier for your obviously delicate feelings to take than straight out saying "I dont want to do it"? I mean God knows if you are having this big a tantrum for a money excuse what kind of display you would put on for him just saying no that he wasnt interested in doing it.