why are you treated like a retard by society because you have a mental health problems and struggle to adjust?

Question

i feel ostracized and people seem to stare and treat me different, and it makes me angry because i wanna fit in in society and build friends like everyone else

Answer 1

I sympathise with you. I have severe brain damage, after spending a long time in a coma. Since that point, many people have turned their backs on me, and others that I don't know show major ignorance and downright rudeness. I'm lucky as a Psychologist because I understand our minds - to the limited extents that science has made inroads here. I have argued with the so-called 'best' of professionals, many of whom are almost as ignorant and uncaring as the masses of lay-people out there.

Look after your self-esteem and nourish yourself emotionally and spiritually as much as you can. The best people out there will recognise the inner beauty that you have, though this isn't much comfort if you're not encountering such good people as much as the loathsome shallow others.

Alot of this is about ignorance, but it shouldn't be our job to educate the stupid cruel masses. History has created a legacy of separation, where mentally challenged people were locked-away, often for life: we're not that far from those days, even now. That meant that others didn't get to be challenged in their outlooks, as much as would have benefitted ourselves and others.

Thankfully, more recent legislation has forced much of this behaviour to now be illegal. I don't want to be a lawyer, challenging people because they discriminate, but I do sometimes stand up against bigots. Thankfully I'm more intelligent than most of them, and can be as articulate as some of the best - when my condition is not too disabling. Generally I've found that combative encounters are not good for my health and well-being, so I don't usually do this, as my norm.

There are some support groups and the government has legal responsibilities to ensure that your care is appropriate. Social services are crawling along, at a snails pace, and are slowly improving their support - even though physical handicap seems to get top priority.

I think that there would be more concern about a group of people in wheelchairs outside of parliament or elsewhere (say campaigning outside of a business) than there would be if a group of mentally challenged people went to do the same thing.

I hope that you can find good friends amongst the dross out there. There may be others with similar conditions who will be good for you, and perhaps you'll meet some of their more able friends too. I've been lucky after spending years in hospital for treatment, with having met some fantastic people.

Finding friends can be hard for everyone, and some of the usual tips apply. Aim to meet people who share some of your interests and passions, so that you have common ground (other than a disability). It can be worthwhile learning new things, say at college - though make sure that tutors etc. adapt their teaching to accomodate your needs - they legally have to!

Perhaps do some voluntary work that is achievable for you, and you may get to meet some people who have more caring qualities too.

I hope that your experience improves and wish you the best of luck! Keep nurturing and treating yourself, in the absence of others who would help to do this for you.

Take care. Rob

Answer 2

Unfortunately even now, there is a stigma on mental health problems. We expect society as a whole to be better informed and have a more mature attitude, but it just doen't seem to work that way.

Everyone has their own way of coping, personally I choose not to tell people unless I really have to - but then I'm very lucky in that my problems can go relatively unnoticed if I'm careful. In the end though, I sometimes ask myself 'why should I have to hide at all?'

I found that having understanding friends and family was of great support, if you do not have a large support network you could always try group counselling or other activities that help you to interact with others in a safe environment - whatever works.

Also, after many years of trial and error (more error, I'm afraid) I came to realise the difference between psychiatrist and psychologist, I have so much respect for psychologists now since I was finally treated by a fantastic one.

Just think, in a few more years everyone will be online anyway and no-one will need to interact at all! Then we mentally ill will inherit the earth cause we have so much experience living in our own little worlds ;o)

Good luck for the future, it's never too late to have the life you want, even if it seems impossible just now.

Answer 3

There are several parts to your question that all intertwine and evoke different answers.

You say that people " seem to stare and treat me different."
Do you think that could be that you are misconstruing signals? Maybe that it is how you perceive the situation because you are aware of your problems? Or are there genuine reasons for people to feel that you think a little differently to the general population?
If for example you cannot read peopl's facial expressions very well, explain that to them.
We all of us are a little freaked by what we do not truly understand. You have to be your own advocate.
Don't confront people or feel the need to explain to complete strangers; but you can tell people that you may behave a little diffferently or oddly because of the medication you are taking. Before they have a chance to ask you what it is for or what it is, tell them that it is a bummer but " That's life" and change the subject to something to do with them.
People like to talk about themselves so give them an opportunity.
Don't seem too needy and they will respond.
If you want some more detailed ideas you will need to tell a little more about your condition and how it is affecting your entire life.
If that sounds a good idea to you, I am happy to help you.
Most people are basically good, kind and caring.They just need to be given the opportunity to show you that side of themselves in todays fast moving world.
Good luck.

Answer 4

While I was in treatment and before, I felt the same way. But then I realized that I just didn't need to give them the space in my head. Also, when we have a mental condition, we do a lot of projecting. I have lost friends because of being bi-polar because they were afraid. I cried and agonized over it. But, we have to go on and make a better road for ourselves. I did and although I was still ill, I graduated from USC and did not discuss my condition with anyone, except with faculty involved with disabilities program. Let's face it, society does not accept mental illness. I am glad that my family understands, and I hope your does. Regarding staring, I always feel people are staring, and it's not always the case. I hate walking across the street because I feel like everyone in their cars are staring. It isn't the case, and I have to tell myself to be cool. I hope this helps you because you are not alone.

Answer 5

Mainly because people are ignorant about the illness and also fear it.

1 in 4 people will experience some form of mental illness during their lifetime.

People do not admit that they have a mental illness.

Society in general does not accept anyone who does not conform to the norm.

You, unfortunately are not alone in they way you are treated by others.

Check out the Mind website for helpful advice and information to help you cope with your illness, and see if there is a local organisation in your area that you can access for support. It will help you to socialise, and maybe even help you to raise awareness and help to stamp out stigma and discrimination.

You deserve to have friends, and be able to reach your full potential.

Don't listen to anyone who tells you otherwise.

Answer 6

Don't assume that people will reject you because then you project an attitude that makes it easy for people to reject you. Always remember that there are many good, compassionate and non-judgmental people out there.

My father was bipolar. He was 35 years old and had never been married before when he married my mother. She knew he was "different" (they didn't know as much about the condition back then) but she also appreciated his many fine qualities, his honesty and desire to work, his loyalty, the fact he kept himself so clean (which, in part, I think was a little obsessive-compulsive disorder but his psychiatrist never saw fit to include that in the diagnosis).

He was a good man, a devoted husband and loving father. My mother was able to look beyond the fact he was "different" and so can others so don't despair.

He's passed away, died at the end of 2005, and we still miss him very much.

Answer 7

If "society" would avoid the use of hateful and ignorant name-calling--like "retard" for example--that would be a good start toward helping those with mental health issues feel more respected and accepted.

Answer 8

If you act differently than they do, why of course they must be superior to you. Either that, or they feel uncomfortable around you because they don't understand, so they try to avoid you. Finally, some people just try to make everyone else feel like a retard. It makes them feel better about themselves.

Answer 9

I grew up with the problem your speaking of.... my first depression I was 6 yrs old... Some of the skills I've used to over come this is enjoying my own company first.... I used music.... something with words... soothing... informative... helpful... pick songs that help you express your feelings...and then songs that make you feel better.... also finding a hobby to keep you busy... when I was Young I liked to sew cook and do crafts.... Once you enjoy your own company it seems like others want to enjoy it too.... I'm weird though... I enjoyed mine so much I prefered to be alone but you don't have to do it that way.... I hope this helps....

Answer 10

Something I was once told:

Most depressed or :"different" people are much more intelligent than the rest of the general population.

I've been bipolar for many years and the people I associate with have the same problem and we know how to deal with it.

The rest of them can just plant tulips on my lily white ***.