How do you get used to being alone and being happy with yourself?

Question

Im 27 and moved out of my parents house at the start of this year into a housing association flat. Its nice and a blessing which I accept. But i'm fed up of being alone. I had councelling two years ago because of a guy who took advantage of me for my money. This situation had made me ill. To this day It still makes me feel lonely and sick to have someone do thid to me.

I met a guy who is similar and smokes a lot of weed. He isnt taking my money but he doesnt really phone me, and im luck to see him once a week. when hes around its nice that he cuddles me lots etc.

Im always told im attractive but I cant seem to find some guy who is worth my time and wants to phone me a bit more often as well as put in time for me.

Its really getting me down to a point were im suicidal. The problem is I still have love for the first guy but he aint worth my time.

Im trying to think positive and forget about guys but i wanna settle down and have kids one day and it looks bleak..

Answer 1

The mantra for remaining happy when alone is introspecting yourself. Follow the path of truthfulness in totality. A stage would come when you would clearly hear the voice of your soul atman coming from within your heart. This voice tells us what is best for us in the present circumstances.

Who says we are alone. Our soul atman present within our heart (always with us)... wants to guide us provided we take its service! It is only when we are truthful... our soul atman within guides us... never otherwise!

Every human being though alone is happy doing the job that is most dear to our heart. This must be our goal of life. On the path of life we would meet many. Some would accompany us... others may ditch. If our resolve is strengthened day by day... we need not fear anything! Every human being has the power of God in minuscule form as our soul atman within us. What have we got to fear and whom!

Life always has its ups and down. To survive in the face of severe adversities is what life is all about! Human beings were never meant to despair! If we lose one... we would get another. In a population of 650 million people... there is no dearth of gems! We would always find people who love and appreciate our working.

When I proceeded in search of God at 11 years of age... I was absolutely alone! Sometimes, I was really scared! It was sheer willpower that kept me going! I ultimately reached the end of cosmic life. I succeeded in reaching my goal. Now, I have no dearth of friends who appreciate my work. Even when alone I keep busy with God on one-to-one basis! More on inner self - http://www.godrealized.org/truce_with_my_inner_self.html

Answer 2

First you should get rid of this guy who is using you and all. Just tell him it's not working and you want to and need to be alone and maybe you can be friends only, but yo decided you don't want a bf now..you need time alone and to yourself and don't take his calls and don't call him, etc...don't take no or any other answer. Be firm and strong...this will give you the confidence to start new.
Second you don't NEED aguy right now, you need YOU and find out who you really are and what you really want for yourself and self esteem and confidence and all...find support in your family and friends if they are around..
You sound as if you are feeling like the victim and perhaps guilty and maybe sorry for yourself and that you caused the situations you are in and others can pick up on this right away and it is causing all this and these problems and allowing you to settle for much less than you deserve such as a pot smoking, user and all of the other stuff you are mentioning in your post.
you are not a victim and not a loser and not the guilty one. and you know deep in your heart you are not really this person and deserve much better than all this and all you have to do at this moment is to start making the right and maybe better choices for you right now. Life is about choices and just making one choice at a time to do something a little different and positive for your well being will set a new course for your new and productive life. Think of a few things you would really like to do and try to find ways, things and people that will allow you to do a few of them. Start with a few simple things..
Please also seek some counseling asap. It will do you good, there should be programs for women in your community...check on the web and in the Yellow pages and go talk to someone even if it's over the phone right now. Also it sounds as if you need to get around some good positive people and the best place to start maybe is to go visit a church in your community one Sunday evening and /or Wednesday evening where the services are light and the dress is casual.. It will do you a world of good just to do this one thing, believe me.
you will do well, just take one thing and one day at a time
Find comfort and support in family and a friend(s)

Answer 3

There's nothing wrong with being by yourself. Sometimes its good to be by yourself. It gives you the chance to really learn more about yourself. I'm around the same age as you and I find it hard to date and meet new people as well, but I know that when it comes to matters of the heart, you have to be patient and know that your worth it. Guys can sense when a woman has low self-esteem and the bad ones will feed off that and use and abuse you. You have to gain that confidence in yourself and tell yourself that you are a beautiful and smart woman who's worth a good guy who will be all that you want and more. You are what you think and if you continue to think that your a lonely undeserving person, thats what your gonna get. Sorry but its true. So in other word stop thinking so negatively about yourself. Stop thinking of the negatives and thin kof the positives that you have going on. Your single, no kids (I think), got your own place and taking care of yourself. Keep your eyes on the prize which is a deep and meaningful love, but leave the losers alone.

Answer 4

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Answer 5

Living alone takes time to adjust too. And yes, you will have some silly thoughts about what to do with yourself. You just havent met the right guy yet to keep you occupied in most aspects of your life. If a fella is really interested in you, he will call nothing less than once a day. Dont rush, and dont ever think your life is over, or that there is no one out there for you.Turn the music up alittle loader, explore the full regions of your heart, cry some, but cry happy tears, and remember, you can do anything, giving up is not a option.

Answer 6

I never had suicidal thoughts but I sure became depressed with a similar situation. This jerk totally used me, he took my money for two years, I was basically supporting him. I met him at 21 and for four years totally ruined my existense. I never thought I would get over such bad treatment and trust anyone again. After him I kept meeting the same kind of guy after another and it was driving me insane. I was lonely and yearned love just like you. I forgot about guys for a while and totally dedicated all my time to myself and improving my self-esteem and stopped looking for love in all the wrong places. Don't ever think that you are not worthy of being loved, love will come when the time is right. I am 29 and just got engaged, I never thought this day would come after such horrible experiences I had. Don't lose hope, have faith.

Answer 7

The truth is sometimes life deals you a few shitty hands. You just need to hang in there and find a way through it. It's not your fault that guy took advantage of you, you didn't deserve it and you shouldn't let it ruin you. You need to have faith that life will get better but the first step is learning to enjoy your life right now. Concentrate on the good things in your life and work on making it better. If something isn't working, move on.

I was in your exact situation about a year ago. I had just gotten out of a bad relationship with a guy who cheated on me, and I wasn't ready to trust again. It's hard being alone but being alone is a great opportunity to reinvent yourself. Beat the boredom by contacting your local community centre and take a course that interests you. Exercise is a great mood lifter. I took up rockclimbing which is great for building confidence and strength and yoga for centring myself.

Another thing that worked for me, but may not work for you is that I got a dog. I rescued a dog from the pound. Living on my own in a big city I felt safer and training him gave me an outlet for all the love I had that was just dying to get out. A dog also offers unconditional love back. I don't reccomend getting a dog though if your lifestyle doesn't compliment having one. They are a lot of work, but for me it was worth it.

Answer 8

The only way you can be happy with yourself and not depend on others for your happiness is to love yourself first. If you're not taking care of #1, nobody is going to find you attractive. Having good looks is one thing, but someone who has a good sense of self-esteem is what makes someone genuinely attractive. It sounds like you realize that the guys you've had so far are not worth your time. Try to put them behind you and move on. The best way to do that is to learn how to love yourself. Don't throw away therapy - it can help you find out why you're so down on yourself. Find something you're good at, and be proud of the accomplishments you make. Hang out with positive people- friends and family that love you just the way you are. When you learn to build up your self esteem, guys will see it and start asking you out for serious dates. Good luck and have faith in yourself girl! You're worth it!

Answer 9

first of all congratulations on getting your own place. It does take getting used to but I always loved my time when I had my own place. Men are not the key to making this situation better and frankly when people are down in the dumps, they can make very poor choices in partners so I think it would be better to dump all the hangers on just now until you have resolved the 'you' question. The next thing to do (and this takes effort on your part) is to fill up your diary with lots of good activities. I hope you have a couple of friends willing to join in but in the end you may have to do somethings on your own. It doesn't even have to be particularly your thing but as long as you are keeping busy and active, lots of good things will start to happen. E.g. actually enjoying a night in for a change, meeting lots of people some of whom may become friends, finding new hobbies etc. Eventually, you will emerge from this a happy, confident person who will attract lots of attention from the opposite sex and so you will be able to pick someone good as you feel you are worth it. Right now you hate yourself so you are picking men who treat you badly so that you can verify your own opinion of yourself. Very naughty!

Answer 10

Whoa! Stop right there,Suicide is a selfish way out,what you need to do today if poss` if not tomorrow will do,find a club where like minded people of your genre go to for their own enjoyment whether that me Knitting,night out with friends from work,pictures,theatres,swimming even local baths,but what you mustn`t do is think negative that`s the sure way to ruin,email friends & see if you can stay with them for a few days until you can get something more constructive going in your life,Charity work for instance,or if you have a computer look up different things to do with Easter just around the corner there is bound to be something you can do.Failing that,have a chat with your doctor who may be able to suggest something to help.

Answer 11

You've lost respect for yourself. Regain it back by not allowing these men to have the upper hand. Find someone who respects you and gives you what you want in a relationship. How can you settle for someone only calling you once a week and doesn't try to make time for you? Do you view yourself as that worthless? I don't mean to be rude but that's what you're basically teaching him. You teach others how to treat you and if you settle for it, then that's what you're gonna get. You must love yourself first and don't put up w/that. You deserve the best for yourself just remember that!