Please people. Give me ways to improve and ways to publish this.?

Question

I dont know how I will end my life,
Jumping off a building,
Old age,
Or just a simple knife.

Will I live to walk the wall of China,
Or see the capital of Peru,
Will I live to meet the president,
Will I live to meet you?

I will not know when I will end my life,
No matter how hard I try,
Every day I tell myself I know,
Every day I lie.



Please post if you like, dont like, or anything thing that could help me improve or publish this.

Answer 1

It's really hard to get poetry publish, look for a specialise magazine, that might be your best bet. I like the concept, I thought i was very interesting and obviously one that practically everybody can relate to on some level. I like the way you brought the reader in. I think it's important to remember that poetry is an interactive art. It doesn't just contain what the writer intended to put in but it's also about what the reader gets out and that isn't always the same thing. I once did a poetry workshop on interpretation using 5 unpublished poems, I knew all the writers but the people at the workshop didn't know who wrote them. I also knew what the writers intended but it was fascinating what people got out of them.

I wasn't very sure about the scan and metor of the poem. It didn't seem to flow very well for me. I was pleased to see that you didn't allow the rhyme to force you too much into unnatural language.

I didn't like "I will not know when I will end my life" that line is very clumsy.
I felt "no matter how hard I try" and "Or see the capital of Peru" sounded a bit juvenile, but then I don't know how old you are so perhaps I'm being unfair, you may be very young in which case, you can get away with it.

I understand why you've put it in there but I think if you took "I live" out of those 3 lines in the second verse the whole thing will be much tighter.
I would have written

Will I walk the wall of china
Or will I see peru
Will I live to meet the president
Or maybe I'll meet you.

something like that anyway. I don't think you need to actually write "I live" because with the reference to ending your life in the first and last verse it's a given.

I hope you find my comments useful, while you are considering them remember these 2 things.
1. I wouldn't bother to comment on a piece of work I didn't think had merit
2. It's only 1 person's opinion, it's your poem, if you like it that way, then that's they way it should be.

Keep up the good work, the world needs more poets.

Answer 2

Actually its very good, for that type of poetry. I hope its not a suicide note? Try searching the net for poetry publishing companies but many want a collection of poems. Try readers digest rd.com, they take material.Good Luck.

Answer 3

You may add the following as the next stanza:

But die one day I will
As all others will,
Natural may it be,
Hope you agree with me.

Answer 4

Don't like - the thought of ending your life yourself is sick.