When I first started dating him he had just got out of a 7 year relationship with a woman who lied and said their kid was his, but it was really another man's child so he was majorly hurt. I've been dating him for almost 2 years now. He said he doesn't want a serious relationship right now because he got out of a bad 7 year relationship. He continues to take me on dates every week to movies, dinner, bowling, we go on double dates with his brother and friends, I've met his family, he spends all his off days from work with me. I am deeply in love with him and want to wait around till he is ready to commit to me. Am I dumb for still continuing on with this? Do you think this could be anything more one day?
2007-04-01 04:30:19 · 13 answers · asked by Ari's Mom 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
HELL no you are not crazy. You are doing exactly what this man needs. You are there for him. You are just what he needs. If you are meeting his parents obviously you are someone he cares about. I'm sure he loves you as well. Does it really mater if you are married or not at this time. You said he is spending all his spare time so its not like he is window shoping for another girl. The idea of marriage just puts a sour taste in his mouth. Give him at least another year before you pressure him again in to marriage.
2007-04-01 04:36:03 · answer #1 · answered by Rumin 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off you're not dumb, you're in love and when you're in love you do some crazy things. I don't think its bad for you to be there for him while he is getting over his ex but in the meantime you've fallen in love and there's nothing you can do about it because he doesn't want a commitment. I would not continue this with him. You don't know how long its going to take him be ready for a commitment. It could take another 2 years, he may not ever be ready. Its nice to go on the dates and everything but he's getting the best of both worlds, he's getting what he wants in you without the commitment. Be there for him as a friend but romantically, its best for you to move on. Don't invest so much time into something when you don't know if it will end in your favor.
2007-04-01 04:52:33 · answer #2 · answered by First Lady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You've taken some important steps in concern for his emotional state following the failure of his previous relationship. Hats off to you - you saw something in him that appealed to you and you obviously feel safe with him. After 2 years I would have to say that he should now consider you and your feelings and desires. Maybe an in depth discussion with him to explain what you both already know to be true. For example, if you discuss with him how you understood - initially - that he had been hurt and that you were willing to be with him in a form compassionate to some recent confusion, then you could introduce to him also that after two years of loyal companionship you think it is time to move to "another level". This would only seem fair and you have shown that he is the one you want to be with, and he you.
The important thing is that all of this can be modified in language and feelings to adjust the message to your personal attempt at addressing your needs (and his) - though he may not be aware of it because you are also making things too comfortable (?) for him. You both seem to be sincere, so now it is time to move from the previous hurt to the terrific situation he has with you.
Take care and best of luck to you!
2007-04-01 04:43:18 · answer #3 · answered by Gerry 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you have been dating for over two years he has not just gotten out of a seven year relationship unless you were seeing him on the sly
If not I don't think he is looking for a seriouse relationship you should confront him and ask him if there is a future for you if not you need to make the decison to stay or if you are looking for a loving man to be in your life you may have to look elsewhere
My husband of almost two years was just out of a seven year relationship that produced two children his ex did not tell him she was married and the children due to this states laws are not legally his they belong to the marriage. After a year and a half of waiting I wanted it to be serious he told me he loved me and if I wanted to go to leave I decided to stay we talked about marriage after that and were engaged less then eight months later and married eight months after that. He always talked about getting married and we just talked about life and everything together.
Hope this helps
2007-04-01 04:38:13 · answer #4 · answered by Cheryl J 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You may end up spending years waitng for him to get over what was done to him. If you think a kid is yours then they are taken away...that's pretty much the same loss as having a child die on you. That's the kind of pain that never goes away. I'd have a hard time trusting anyone if I was put through that.
2007-04-01 04:35:18 · answer #5 · answered by J D 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No you are not dumb, we cant help the actions our heart leads us to do. And as far as it being something one day who knows only time will tell. He seems like a guy that was screwed over in the worst possible way, so he is seeking comfort and companionship...at HIS convience, so be careful. He might just be with you to try and ease the pain, so like i said be careful and remember no matter what actions speak louder than words.
Good Luck
2007-04-01 04:38:16 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He just got out of a 7yr relationship and he has been honest enough to tell you that he is not ready for a relationship.You should respect that..Sound's like he is just looking for a friendship with you and someone to hang out with..Maybe in time he will feel differently but for now he wants friendship..
2007-04-01 04:40:51 · answer #7 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to tell this guy what you're saying to us. Tell him how you feel, and I'm sure everything will work out if you truly love him and he truly loves you. My advice is to stay with him if you really love him. He'll come around, and at least you can still spend time with him even if you aren't too serious. Good luck! :]
2007-04-01 04:35:31 · answer #8 · answered by ACTiNGisLiFE 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't invest more than 2 - 3 yrs. in a relationship without marriage....Never have kids out of wedlock...
Get a good Pre-Nup....
Something is wrong with a guy that would be in a 7 yr. relationship with a kid he thought was his and not have
married the woman...
Break up with him and move on...
He has serious commitment problems or he is lying...
2007-04-01 04:35:18 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you are bedding him you are a fool. If you are just dating him than you are not a fool. He was the fool for not asking for a DNA test as soon as the baby was born. Please date other people just in case he is going to use this for an excuse the rest of his life.
2007-04-01 04:36:41 · answer #10 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋