My father speaks badly of me, what should I do?

Question

4 months ago I cut all ties with my father for many reasons. When I run into people that know both of us, I find out from them that he speaking badly of me. I have been biting my tongue from saying anything bad back to these people either about him or about them repeating it or about them even having the nerve to ask me about personal business. What should I do? Should I just ignore it, or should I send my father yet another letter telling him to stop spreading lies and speaking badly of me? HELP! I feel like I am going to go insane!

You need to understand one thing and people will think I am crazy when I say this, my dad was ordained as a minister, so people think he is right in everything. He hides his smoking, cursing, and dirty jokes from people in the community. So it makes it easier to believe him since everyone seems to think he does no wrong. He is on his 3rd marriage to a real psycho who had him arrested about a year and a half ago. They argue all of the time. Like I said I wrote him off for several reasons, I have been married for over 2 years and we have a 1 year old. I don't feel my son needs that type of environment in his life, so that is the MAIN reason I cut ties but I don't know what to do about people saying things to me in front of my son, he is getting older and will start to wonder things and question me. I don't feel my son needs to know what has happened with that part of my family. That is the main reason I need a little help in what to do.

to the last person that gave an answer, i do understand that truth has 3 parts, his side, her side, and the right side. First of all, I know that I am only human and I will admit that there have been times in my life that I have said and done things to disappoint everyone, but that does not give anyone the right to speak badly about someone. I was seeking information as to how do I deal with my father speaking badly about me. I feel the best thing to do is just smile in someone's face that is repeating is gossip and not say anything when in reality I really want to stand up and start screaming. I was seeking advice as to should I keep my mouth shut or should I tell these people nicely to mind their own business

Answer 1

Just ignore it and let it go...If the things he is saying is not true, then he is the one making a fool out of himself..If they are true then oh well, he still doesnt need to be talking bad about you...

Answer 2

If you and your family are planning on living and raising your child in the same community that you grew up in apparently then your son sooner or later is going to be exposed to the comments and he will ask questions. The best thing to do is when the time comes be honest with him about the differences your father and you have.

But just remember that your truth is your truth and truth has two stories.

Answer 3

i was sorry to hear you're in this situation. i cut ties with my father about 16 years ago, and i know what you're going through.

please don't write him another letter... maintain your dignity....your letters only give him more fuel to say bad things...

don't expose yourself to people who know and associate with your father -- this will help you to avoid any conversation, so if your father has had bad things to say about you, you won't have to listen to it....

if you find yourself in a situation where someone relates your father's unkind words about you, excuse yourself, and go about with your business... you are absolutely right in "biting your tongue" and not responding.

when someone asks you about your personal business, tell them they are intruding.. because they ARE INTRUDING -- if you want someone to know about you, i'm sure you will tell them without them having to ask.

we can avoid feeling so badly when we stop allowing others to control our emotions. this can be difficult, because you've experienced quite a lot of emotional hurt... you have your own family and a beautiful child -- focus on them.

if you are having difficulties, and can't find other ways to cope, perhaps you could consider talking with a therapist for a while... therapists have heard it all, and they have the ability to offer us guidance and ways to develop positive coping skills.

take care of you.. it doesn't matter what others say or think. i've always thought that those who gossip and repeat bad things others say have not life, or are completely bored!

hugz!

Answer 4

When these people come to you to tell you the things he said - stop them before they tell you - make them know that you are not interested in hearing these things- why do they think it is okay to do that anyway - what is their motive? Just let them know one time only that your father has issues and your not concerned about what he has to say. If they persist - just tell them that you dont quite understand the purpose of them telling you and that you dont care to discuss your personal business. Why should you care about their feelings when they are not caring about yours? Also - just make it your business to not even be around them. Why send your father a letter letting him know that he succeeded to irritate you? That just makes him win. He wants a response that is why he does that.

Answer 5

As soon as someone begins repeating something your father said, just tellthem that you have broken all ties with your father in your child's best interest and you'd rather hear nothing about him. Rest assured, they probably know what your father is like - especially if he's been married 3 times!

Answer 6

If people know you they won't believe anything he says. You need to distance yourself and maybe some counseling would not hurt. Take care of yourself :)

Answer 7

ignore!!! if you dont say anything, he has nothing to use... just tell those people its best not to listen to his gossip