the mother of my 2 year old boy has stoped me seeing my son. i've had regular accsess till now.?

Question

she has had a new partner for over a year, and since then she
has wanted me to have him overnight on weekends. the other week she wanted me to have him at 2 pm because she wanted to take him to a party, the party was cancelled and she wanted me to have him earlier, so she text me, unfortunatlly my phone was in the car and i did'nt get it. anyway that was it, she totally lost it and stopped me seeing my son. now she is stopping me and my family having any contact whit him. my sister told her we'll go to a soliciter and she said "i wont have a leg to stand on, my name aint on the birth certificate and he's only 2 and by the time he's 18 he would have forgotten me and my family". im at my wits end i havent seen him for weeks, it's not only me she's hurting, it's my son also. can anyone tell me if i got any legal rights, would be really appreciated. thank you. anthony

Answer 1

Hi Anthony,

This is awful. So much of the time the Dad gets the bad end of the deal. You sound like you really love your son - you don't sound like a 'Jeremy Kyle regular', so it sounds completely unfair to me.

However, there are always two sides to every story. It seems odd that she's flown off the handle just because of one incident. Are there other times when you haven't been able to look after him, or it's come across like you don't want to look after him? I'm not saying this is the case, I'm just wondering if you've tried to think of anything you could have done other than this to make her take away access to your child? It will be really important to think about all of this if you do decide to see a solicitor, because EVERYTHING will be used against you.

I worked as a legal secretary in the past and did some work for a solicitor who deals with family issues. There was a case similar to yours, where the mother had stopped allowing the father of the child to see their daughter because she said that the father only wanted to see the daughter when it suited him, and this was disrupting the child's life. She even said that he was an unfit father because he drove a high-powered sports car, which she didn't believe was safe for their daughter to be driven around in. See what I mean when I say EVERYTHING is taken into account?

Whatever's happened in the past (if anything has happened at all), you have every right to see your son. I really feel sorry for you, as you obviously miss him.

I don't know where you live, otherwise I would have a look for some law firms in your area for you - but just google 'solicitor' and have a look through. It will probably be an expensive thing to do, but it means you'll have legal rights to your son - right there in black and white. Although, you should try to make every effort to keep things civil with your ex and avoid things getting bitter - for the sake of your son. Although she does come across as rather spiteful, so I feel for you. You should also get a DNA test done if this is possible, as it won't matter whether your name is on the birth certificate if you have proof that he's your son. Incidentally, why isn't your name on the birth certificate? Even if you can't prove he's your son, there have been cases where non-relations or grandparents, etc have gained custody of the child instead of the mother, so you DO have a leg to stand on, I'm sure. All you have to do is prove to them how much you love him.

In the meantime, maybe you could try writing your ex a clear, calm letter. If you have made mistakes in the past regarding your son, apologise for them. Explain that it really was an honest mistake. Point out all the times you've done her a favour by having him outside of your regular times and things like that. Tell her how much you love and miss your boy. You don't have to grovel to this woman, but appeal to her better nature and just give it a shot before taking legal action. And whatever you do, don't fall into the trap of talking your ex down in front of your boy, or trying to turn him against her. Even if she starts doing this, which it sounds to me like she would do (she sounds like the 'type'). Don't let it phase you. Don't drop to her level. If you hear anything of this sort from your son as he grows up, just tell him that you love him and that mommy made a mistake. He will grow up learning that you are the fairer parent.

If all else fails, yes, get yourself a lawyer. You have every right to see your son.

Good luck and I hope this helps.

xx Emmie

Answer 2

first try and talk to her; if she won't talk to you, write her a little card that says you had no way of knowing she needed you; could you prevent it from happening again - maybe you could give her a friend's number as well as yours so that someone could get hold of you. She sounds a bit unreasonable to say the least; I think it might be time for you to see if you can get something in writing about access visits; while she may come round this time; she's likely to do that sort of thing again.
no doubt, it will put her back up , and make her feel threatened; but tell her you love your son too- he's entitled to have two parents. The reality is, courts do not tend to act favourably for single fathers. You need to get your ammunition ready then; have you been paying maintenance? Have you any receipts to say you are paying? If not, maybe you can start now. you could offer to pay maintenance into her bank account directly from your bank account; or into one for your son that she can access; then you have a paper trail to say you are supporting her.
I really feel for your distress; I see too many young women behave in this way. When my husband and I separated 20 years ago, our kids were 3, 5, 8, and 11. the one thing we agreed on was that the kids should be able to spend as much time with their dad as he or they wanted. Now that led to some complicated re-scheduling over the years; but they have a wonderful relationship with their dad. We couldn't stand each other, but that wasn't our kids fault.
I hope this works out for you.

Answer 3

You need to look the laws up for the country you live in. Partner and Solicitor are key words that let me know you are probably from England at least not from the United States.
Try asking this question in the country you are from by going to the bottom of the page and into Answers International.

Other Countries Laws on child custody are different from the United States.

Answer 4

What a bit*h, Tell her you have no choice but to take her to court.
They will ask for a dna test to prove the child is yours. (why is your name not on the birth certificate) Are you sure he is yours?? If she refuses the test then you know she has something to hide. But if they do the test and he is your son,you will be the one laughing. The court will allow you access which will be of times you agree to each week.

You will get the last laugh, Might be a good idea to save any nasty texts you recieve from her,then you have something to use in court.

When all this is sorted out,please try and get on for your sons sake. Good luck 2u. And DONT GIVE UP!!!!!

Answer 5

you need to see a solicitor very soon mate and don't be put off if you love your son then never give up or you will regret it in the future and don't listen when people say it may be better for your son if you don't see him it wont your his dad and even at the age of two he will know who you are so don't give in get legal advice then she will know its crap to say you don't have any rights the courts always look to both sets of parents nowadays and they make sure that the child comes first and that will mean seeing both mum and dad as it is much better for him as long as you look after him you wont ever have a problem my boy is coming up to 15 now and i had that problem to start but soon nipped that attitude in the bud i see my boy every week like the clock unless he is away on hols i even get to take him away with me so he gets the best of both worlds and that is how it should be i hate it when the child is used as a weapon to hurt ultimately he will be the one who hurts the most and that's wrong
chin up mate and keep fighting for your little boy

Answer 6

The courts will ask for a paternity test if she denies that you're the father. No court will keep you from seeing your son if you've never abused your child. You'll need to get your family and friends geared up for a day in court will you and they will testify on your behalf - that you are a loving a suitable parent. Ask for joint custody of your child and map out a reasonable visitation schedule that you and she can both live with (that you're aware that she can live with).

You may have to go to court, but her threats are meaningless. Do not fret.

Sorry that you have to go through this.

Good luck!

Oh, P.S. You may want to get yourself a good attorney who specializes in this kind of thing.

Answer 7

You have all of the legal rights. If you think that she will be a problem then get scheduled visitation. You can prove it is your child with a court ordered paternity test. It might be a hassle but your child will know that you cared enough to do it.Do this before she fills his head with Bull.

Answer 8

You need to seek advice from a lawyer.
You also need to get a DNA test done to insure your the father. If you are the father, you can have your name put on the birth certificate and she can no longer keep him way from you.
Hope this helps and good luck.

Answer 9

Insist on a DNA test, then she wong be so smug!

Go to a solicitor and go through the courts, your son will thank you for it in the future.

Good luck!

Answer 10

Get a DNA test, prove your the father and get your rights back through the courts!