My hubby met me after i gave birth to my son but adopted him sort of when he put his name on the b-certificate which was blank before that.Now he says he wants to take his name off the b-certificate?Currently he has served me divorce papers and has said that he does not want to be part of my sons life.I never told my ex.bf he even had a son because i wanted to avoid problems.He was really immature at the time, not most moral person and dating someone else.I was 19 yrs old and he was 18 yrs old so i also wanted avoid the drama of it all protect my child.I do not want to hurt my son but dont know what to say.I have gotten in contact with my ex.bf and sent him proved paternity test.He wants to meet him how to introduce him my son is 5.5?
2007-03-31 13:46:53 · 14 answers · asked by Megan C 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
Ok so you are a drama queen. How convenient for every sorry soul in your life. What are you going to do? Start telling the truth when it hurts the most? I hope you figure it out, but in the mean time, get some velcro for your vagina.
2007-03-31 20:44:18 · answer #1 · answered by Campo 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Ewh this is a tough one. I have a son jsut 1 year younger so I am trying to think how I'd deal with this. I also have another son who is 2.5 years old. Actually, I'd let the whole divorec things blow over. Get settled with your son. See if your exhusband REALLy emans he does not want anything to do with your son. Sometimes people say really harsh and mean things they wish they could take back later. I think he might feel that way about what he said once the divorce is final and he's had some time and space. Your son is just a little boy there is no reason for him to take things out on him. YOur exh sounds like an ok guy -he'll come around. Divorse is traumatic for a child especially if he bonded heart to heart with your exhusband thinking hewas his dad. Let some time pass. YOU definitely ahve to tell him of his real dad but let this pass. INvestigate your exboyforen to see if he is really mature. They do not have to have a relationship. when you son is older and the timing is right you cantell him about that man.
YOu sound like an awesome mom. Keep his emotional growth and wellbeing in the forefront like you have always done and explain to him when he is ready whjy you did things the way you did and he will always love you and appreciate your strength for him.
At his age le
2007-03-31 14:56:23 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
being a father has much more to do with being there than who's sperm was used. and just because he put his name on the birth certificate doesn't mean he is a dad.
If he is divorcing you, just tell your son that you and he will be living just the two of you and that "good old whatshisname" will be going somewhere else to live.
He is too young to be burdened with anything else and certainly does not need to know that sperm donor dad and birth certificate dad both don't want him.
if sperm donor dad is PROVED by a DNA paternity test and by a JUDGES ORDER to be dad of this child, he should be assessed child support.
I would hold off on the "family reunion" until you are sure that the relationship will be stable. The last thing your child needs is a revolving door of men whipping through his life like the tumbleweeds of the desert.
Good luck. and by the way, you can have your child's birth certificate amended if you and sperm donor get back together permanently.
2007-03-31 13:54:10 · answer #3 · answered by stonechic 6 · 3⤊ 1⤋
The boy is going to have to find out sooner or later and i know by personal experience that sooner is way better! When the boy gets older he's going to resent you for telling him so late in life! Just calmly say to him son we need to have a talk and tell him that he has another dad out there somewhere and if he would like you could find him and let you son meet him say im sorry for not telling you before but your husband or ex husband had been being a good dad to your son explain to him that just because his real father helped make him doesnt make his real father a good father and you wanted him to have a good father until your son was old enough to understand! But Give him the option to meet him! he might not want to meet him right then and that would make it better on you but you will have told your son the truth! However he might want to meet him. Just tell him and ask him if he would like to meet his dad. Also one more thing if he decides he wants to meet his dad you will still need to check him out before you let him meet your son! And see if hes 'mature' enough now to be apart of your sons life now!
2007-03-31 14:54:36 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't tell him you made "bad choices" when you were younger, then he will think he was not wanted. Instead - tell him you love him and there are going to be some changes...let him know that even though your ex was his daddy, he is not his true father...let him know there are so many people out there who love him and he still loves him, but he has to go somewhere else. 5.5 years old is too young to try and explain the intracacies of dating and divorce.
When he gets older, tell him the truth...for now it may just best to tell him that just the two of you will be together for a while...anything more and you may do more damage than good.
2007-03-31 14:32:45 · answer #5 · answered by Jax 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Its got to be as smooth a transition as possible. Talk to your son frankly. Don't hide details to avoid hurting him. Just explain that some kids have more than one Dad. Tell him that his biological father wants to see him and ask him if he would be comfortable with that. Give him time. Try not to use the words "real dad" and "step dad" More than anything, take things at his pace. He may not want to call his biological father "dad". That's okay. Let it happen on his terms. It will make the transition much easier for him.
2007-03-31 13:53:26 · answer #6 · answered by Jes 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You should give the child the opportunity to have a relationship with his bi logical father. If your soon to be ex husband wants no relationship with your son just because you guys are breaking up he was never a father in the beginning because despite your issues he should still she him as his son. So if the biological father wants a opportunity give him one. Good Luck
2007-03-31 13:56:58 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
First, i have to say you soon-to-be ex hubby sounds like a jerk to not want anything to do with your son. In my opinion, he wants his name off the BC to avoid paying you child support. So think long and hard about taking him off. He has been your sons father for 5 years, wether he likes it or not, he has a responsibility.
You need to be honest with your son. IMO, it'll be easier to tell him who his really daddy is then it is to tell him that the only father he has ever known, wants nothing to do with him..
Good luck. Just remember, whatever happens, it's your hubby's loss. He should feel lucky that he has a son who loves him. But if he's going to act like a jerk, then your son is better off without him. GL.
2007-03-31 14:05:46 · answer #8 · answered by Proud mommy of 2 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
OH I know it's gonna be hard but you gotta tell him before he gets too old. Call the Maury Show and talk to him about it. Or if you don't want to do that then take your son to his real dad and talk to his dad and him about it, Tell him your sorry you didn't tell him earlier.
2007-04-04 07:19:15 · answer #9 · answered by Yuffie L 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He should have been told years ago. There is no such thing as a "sort of adoption". Your hubby has no real legal rights if there was no legal adoption. Your ex-boyfriend has rights to meet him legally.
2007-04-02 06:29:26 · answer #10 · answered by KathyS 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋