FAITH....? I'm seriously lacking in it.?

Question

i'm finding it hard to accomodate my fiance's faith in God. I'm not a believer...I think i was when i was very little but that was only because i was too young to know any different. I'd never really thought too much about religion.... up until my little brother was killed thirteen years ago and ever since i have felt SO MUCH HATRED towards christianity. Especially when i speak to my rather religious fiance about it e.g. 'why did my brother have to die and why in such tragic circmstances'? and his reply is a rather abrupt ' freewill. god gives everyone freewill. it's his own doing because he chose to be there at that point.' This, as some of you might see, gets me SO angry and i wonder if he'd see things differently if it was a member of his family that was killed. my fiance comes from a very religious background and I hate everything he believes in and i'll never see his point of view am i wrong to resent him for his faith?.... he doesn't know the pain of losing a loved one...

Answer 1

First we all die and tragedy's do happen to us all. the rain does fall on the just and the unjust God never promised this world was paradise. We do not always know why things happen the way they do and we can not know all the things that God knows. If a person assumes that God is unrighteous he assumes wrong and it is through faith that we come to know God personally and begin to have some understanding. I am sorry for your loss and understand how painful it is to lose someone you love but the answer to you pain is not in blaming God. It is God that gives life and much more than this temporary world he gives life that is eternal and without pain and sickness and suffering..Coming to know God is the answer to your pain it is not the problem but the solution you are running from the one who will help you and who will give you truth and comfort and an eternal life that is perfect I pray that God will give you comfort and you will come to know his love and his truth and the eternal blessings are so much greater than the pain of this sinful world...You are in my prayers may God bless and comfort you and bring you to his truth and love.

Answer 2

First of all a Christian should never Date a non-Christian, and if you hate it so much you should not be dating him. If you are dating him to change him (shame on you) you can see by the kinds of answers to questions here, that being a Christian is the hardest thing a person could ever do. Why do you want to make it harder for him or try to take away or change his faith? But then that is "YOUR" freewill. I too believe in freewill but I think your boyfriend was not very well educated in his reply to you when he made the remarks that he did about your brother being in the wrong place at the wrong time (that is basically what he was saying). Everyone has an appointed time to die, even you and me, we don't know when or where but the time is there, it does not matter where you are or what you are doing, when the clock strikes "time" then your time is up. And I wonder why it is that you hate Christians since he died? Other people believe in "god" why do you not hate them? OR IS IT GOD HIMSELF THAT YOU ARE ANGRY WITH AND HATE FOR TAKING YOUR BROTHER AWAY FROM YOU? I will agree that some "Believers" have no idea what they are talking about and should probably shut-up...But don't take it out on "ALL" Christians "or" on God. Why don't you sit down and tell God how you feel and what you think of what happened and if you are angry with Him, tell Him that, if you hate Him, tell him that too. And then ask him to let you know why it happened (don't expect an immediate BOOMING voice) but peace in your heart and mind will be your answer.

Answer 3

Condolences on your loss...and extra sympathy because of the erroneous and facile answers you have gotten to a profound question.

May I suggest the classic book: When Bad Things Happen to Good People, by rabbi Kushner.

His son got a rare and fatal disease and he, too, did not like the answers that historically have bee provided to grieving people; so, he started digging and writing.

His premise that comforted me, when I needed it, is: there is a law of random chance; which the church has denied for a long time. He believes, and he taught me, that once we accept that "yes, there are no special privileges for being a good person" and yes, 'you can be at the wrong place at the wrong time' or 'yes, some cells can 'click on' and start duplicating (for no moral or understandable reason) and that 's just the way it is---(read, cancer).

But he also has a superb section about prayer: how it can add just that little bit of strength or comfort or sense of a bigger picture; that is incomparable.

As above, God didn't kill your brother. But, He is very easy to blame (cause He doesn't defend Himself). I also think that you need a compassionate and competent therapist to assist you through your grief.

I hope this helps some.

Answer 4

up until my little brother was killed thirteen years ago and ever since i have felt SO MUCH HATRED towards Christianity

Would you take a moment and look inside of yourself

An accident kill your brother. How is God at fault? Are you saying, I could love God, but only if he does things my way?
Pain and Hurt can be accepted and dealt with if you choose.
Right now it appears you use God as a scapegoat to vent what you don't want to understand.
Hate is an extreme emotion. Love is the absence of Hate. Do you think that the memory of your brother will fade if you love. Accept love for what it is. Hold on to the positives from your brother. Faith is the victory.

Answer 5

I'm sorry about your brother and I would never even begin to attempt an explanation of why he died, for I do not know. The point is, neither does your fiance. He is attempting to provide an answer to help your pain, and it backfired on him.

It's a problem with a lot of Christians that they cannot simply say "I don't know", for they believe that it lessens the beliefs they do have. I have learned after years of practice, that saying "I don't know" is sometimes the best answer to give :)

If this is already causing you to use the word hate and your fiance in the same sentence, then you have a serious problem. My best advice is to delay the marriage until this can be resolved, or at least where there is not so much emotion around it.

Answer 6

There's nothing wrong with either of you having your own opinion on god, or lack there of a god in your case. If you two are serious about your relationship and you truly care for each other then it is crucial that you respect those beliefs that your partner holds. If you are an atheist, then your fiancee should not preach to you about "free will" or "God works in mysterious ways." If he is a devout Christian, then you should not try to disrupt his faith or spirituality and let him believe in what obviously gives him comfort. Personally, I don't know your fiancee, but I have known many religious people who do not surrender their faith just because of a friend/family member's death; often times it actually surges their belief in their religion. Anyway, perhaps someday he will decide not to practice his creed anymore, or some experience ill make him an atheist as well. Maybe, you will someday follow in his lead and convert to Christianity. Until then, you both need to learn to respect, and try to understand, one another and your personal beliefs. Don't suffocate the other one with spiritual/non-spiritual notions. I really hope this helps you out some! Good luck and Congratulations on your engagement!!!!!!!!!!

Answer 7

I know the pain of losing someone. You cannot live your life without loss. After my granddaughter died eight years ago, I went through a deep depression and it took me a long time to realize that even in death God was there. Since then I've lost my daddy, my grandmother and the rest of my uncles. I've had two more grandchildren born with cystic fibrosis and serious health problems. Where is God in all of this sorrow and hurt? I've realized that He's right here beside me. He is my comfort and my strength. Without the losses I wouldn't have learned to trust Him and have the hope of seeing them again. As much as you love your fiancee, unless you could learn to love His God as much as He does, you would only be hurting him by marrying him. The biggest part of my relationship with my husband is our shared faith. When we tried our marriage without it, we failed miserably. I'm sorry your brother died. It is so sad and I hope that you find peace in your loss. You will see him again someday if you go to heaven. He'll tell you how happy he is now and how he doesn't hurt or have any sorrows. I'm going to hold that little girl of mine someday. Right now I know my daddy is holding her for me. I'll be praying for you.

Answer 8

I am truly sorry for your loss. Even "faith-filled" people grasp for answers to questions like these. "It is God's will". "It is because of everyone's free will", and such answers are very unsatisfying. We believe that God is the source of all good, and nothing evil or bad can come from Him. I don't have a good answer to your question, one that would satisfy you, but, Chistians believe in the redemptive suffering of Jesus Christ...a suffering which even He, the God-man could not avoid for himself. He showed us how to suffer and die with dignity, even through the indignity of crucifixion. He knew that all mankind is destined to suffer while on this earth, but He made that suffering into the supreme act of love, an act that will last for all time.

I know this may not answer much, but know that you and your family are in my prayers.

Answer 9

Maybe if you think of the good times you had together instead of your brothers departure, and to think he is in a better place now.
We all come for the experience of life and death as the soul does live on, and I am sure your brother is around you and I am sure you sense when he is.
Your brother would not want you to live in grief, however to think of it is better to love and lost him, then never to have loved him at all.

Food for thought : )
I have one life and one chance to make it count for something . . . I'm free to choose what that something is, and the something I've chosen is my faith. Now, my faith goes beyond theology and religion and requires considerable work and effort. My faith demands -- this is not optional -- my faith demands that I do whatever I can, wherever I am, whenever I can, for as long as I can with whatever I have to try to make a difference.
By Jimmy Carter



Love & Blessings
Milly

Answer 10

Sorry for your loss. faith and wisdom are two different things. You can be stupid and have faith but you cant be stupid and have wisdom. Im sure your fiance did not mean it was your brothers fault. If you are not religeous just be a good person. Its much more important.