A little back ground. SIL is having adestination wedding. Wonderful I think, and She says to Husband and I that she would really like us to attend but understands if we cannot!! Sounds great. Well Husband and I discuss it and if we cut corners here and there for the next year we can afford to go (keeping in mind we will be brining our child who has to pay full adult fare ). She thinks this is great and is very happy that we are going. This weekend comes and the wedding is less than a month away and she decides that she and the groom want to go away for a weekend stagette and stagg, separate of course. Well we tell them that it is not feasable for us to attend as this would cost more money not to mention that it is on easter weekend, (hello we have a kid!!!) and that we just cannot afford it as we just spent $5000.00 to be able to attend her wedding. anyways she got mad and says that we are not supporting her and we are basically being cheap!!! What do we say to her????
2007-03-31 08:26:35 · 23 answers · asked by need advice please 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
"I'm sorry you feel that way."
And leave it at that. I cant tell you how many stupid fights my sister tried to instigate with me before her wedding. She acted like such a brat the closer we got to the day. It was just nerves. The best advice is to not say anything that you will regret, best to let her have her tantrums and then apologize to YOU than for you to feed into it and have her guilt you into apologizing. If you say anything she will most definitely turn it around mainly because she knows her behavior is out of bounds and will realize it more and more after the wedding how she treated people. And because its so hard for people to accept and admit that their behavior was poor they will take your behavior and turn it into a "But you were wrong too, dont you think you owe ME an apology because I was under such pressure and you made me feel worse and blah, blah, blah." Stick to the simple "I'm sorry you feel that way" and leave it. Its not worth it for you to get upset over bratty behavior.
2007-03-31 08:42:47 · answer #1 · answered by kateqd30 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
look at her and say " you are kidding me, right?" tell her wait till you are married and have a kid. being an adult things cost money. we spent 5 grand to go to the wedding in the first place. some people have bills to pay. she had no right to be mad! if she is paying then thats a differant story. But she is being sooooo selfish! i can't believe it. i'm against the whole destination thing to begin with, i think they are rude. you are forceing your family to spend a ton of money to attend your wedding, is not right, period. give her an earfull. no matter what you tell her she'll get over it. she'll see what its like soon.:) Good luck honey
2007-03-31 11:37:49 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would just say I'm sorry you feel that way. You have no idea what we had to do just to save up the money for the wedding. We wouldn't have been willing to that unless it was for something important. You and your wedding are very important to us, but we just can not afford this extra expense right now, not to mention that it's Easter weekend and we can't leave our son/daughter. It's too bad you feel like we are being unsupported, but we are doing everything we possibly can to show you we do support you, if that's not enough, then I don't know what to tell you, but we can't go.
Maybe her nerves are getting to her and she's not thinking clearly right now.
2007-03-31 08:37:38 · answer #3 · answered by ? 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you empathize with her & that more than anything you would love to accomodate her wishes. But that you & HER BROTHER (I'm assuming) had some serious decisions to make & that your budget only allows one trip. Either the pre-wedding party or the wedding. You & her brother decided that the wedding was the most important.
If she still throws a selfish fit, which she might, tell her to have a nice life. Not really, but it'd be tempting, huh?
2007-03-31 08:38:06 · answer #4 · answered by weddrev 6 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Tell her that you will be glad to attend all of her events if she would pay the plane fare. She should already know what financial shape you are in. Don't go into debt trying to satify her, you have to take care of your family, some people think money just grow on trees or you can go out and just find it.
2007-03-31 08:37:33 · answer #5 · answered by ? 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
don't say anything. that is her issue to deal with it. she needs to grow up and deal with people that don't have lots of money. she should be happy that you can make it to the wedding! she might be mad that no one or very few people are making it for the stag/stagette parties so she took her feelings out on you at that moment. let her cool down and don't say anything at all. just show up at the wedding and have fun if you can.
2007-03-31 09:15:28 · answer #6 · answered by cowgirlclub 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
go to the weeding as planned. forget about the stagg parties because they are not the reason you are going in the first place. after the wedding, the sister in law will see that everything worked out even when you did'nt show up for the party.
2007-03-31 08:38:46 · answer #7 · answered by Dennis S 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you had the money and for whatever reason didn't want to spend it, you might be being cheap. It's not being cheap if you can't afford it. She sounds like she's being a bit selfish and childish asking you guys to spend even more money so she can have a weekend of fun. If you can't go, you can't go. Even if you could go, you have to put your family first before her vacation.
2007-03-31 15:43:14 · answer #8 · answered by K S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Show her all the receipts of what you are paying for in order to attend her destination wedding and let her know that spending $5,000 is NOT being cheap.
2007-04-01 12:23:46 · answer #9 · answered by Terri 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Simply tell her you can't afford it and you already spent $5000. to attend her wedding by cutting corners, so if this is the way she's going to act, then maybe you should forget the whole thing.
2007-03-31 08:37:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋