Problem!! I keep meeting guys who are coming out of really bad relationships. What can I expect from them?

Question

My last relationship was with a guy coming out of a really bad divorce, so he had major trust issues. That was about 8 months ago, I have just started to get to know another guy who is also coming out of a bad divorce. I don't want to have unrealistic expections from them because I know they are still healing. Just curious on how I should handle them

Answer 1

I did a paper on this subject back in 1982. I was in college and I used myself as the subject of the article. I was out of highschool about 8 years when I started college as a divorce'
The bottom line on your question is that it takes between one to five years to deal/heal from a divorce.
It should be a time of exploration for the individual for growth and change. It isn't a good idea to start a relationship with anyone who is going through this process. It's okay to LISTEN to them talk but beyond that they have some work to do on their own. You can learn quite a bit from someone in this condition as far as do's and don'ts as far as assessing what you want in a marriage relationship but I would let them go right on by as far as what they have to offer as a potential mate let alone a boyfriend. Always remember too, you're hearing only one side of all the issues that broke them up.
Here's to staying on the fence!!!!

Answer 2

If they are just coming out of a divorce it is unlikely they are looking for any type of commitment. They are probably just looking for sex and a good time to try to erase some of the crap in the past. I say to you let the ink dry on the divorce papers give him time to get his life back on the right track and set some direction. This new direction may include and it may not. The important thing is to not get to close while he is going through his transition. Be a friend but don't be a fool. Don't loose yourself trying to help him get back. Be upfront. Let the guy know that you have needs as well and you cant be the space between this think and the last thing. If he is serious and wants to work on a relationship as you do to there is nothing wrong with that. But if he doesn't you got to respect that and back off. So to sum this up. Don't play to close and allow yourself to be a transition....

Answer 3

Expect NOTHING!!!!! because all they want is make people like you and me suffer and they compare us to the ones that hurt them therefor making us pay for someone elses stupidy and mistakes. But if you really feel that he is the right one for you,then take time to move things slowly.Be there for him for friendship,support,and to talk.Please,Please give him time to get over it and to make sure you are not "the rebound woman"!!Take it day by day.show him you care enough not to rush things and that you are willing to give it time.In the end it will make for a better and stronger relationship.I wish you lots of luck and hope for real happiness.I have gone thru this very same senario,it is hard and frustrating but you can do it...I did it took a good solid year for him to finally learn I was not her or anything like her and becoming friends first made alot of difference in loving and in a closer relationship.

Answer 4

When you have had a bad relationship,it depletes your trust in the the people you date, but given time and assurance, from the new person, they can begin to heal. Be patient, and show them you care, and make sure you don't plan on doing the same things to them, that their previous relationship did.

Answer 5

you will no longer locate happiness till you come across which you delight in being on my own. no longer a hermit I mean, yet certainly delight on your person business enterprise. adult males or all and sundry else won't make you happy. you will desire to locate thatplace the place you're at peace with your self. Being codependent is once you rely on human beings to make you happy and you're based on them so which you will be 'complete'. yet your boyfriend needs to comprehend you will desire to finally end up, and flow on, earlier college because it is purely 3 weeks away. it will be troublesome yet sticking on your plan of action would be much less perplexing as you dont have that hour of rigidity force . There are communities available to connect that would help a guy or woman in the process the season of analyzing your self so which you additionally could make transformations, as a guy or woman can purely exchange themselves.

Answer 6

Well, I quit dating (every aspect of it) for 2 years becasue of this problem, I knew I couldn't give it my all.

You should expect them to have serious trust isues and probably be quite egocentric. If they get into the drinking, run, you can't help them. They may be very depressed and really miss their kids alot too.

A supportive friend is much more important than a "girlfriend"

Answer 7

Listen in between dates with available men, and talk about them with your female friends, but expect Nothing. They have nothing to give at this time-they just need and want and then when they are ready to date they will move on or concentrate on you by their healthy choice. It takes about a year to become healthy enough to be real with another person.

Answer 8

These guys just want to get laid, So be prepared for a few drunk dials and late night visits, and then you'll never see them in the light of day. Perhaps a booty call once in a while, but that's about it. Sorry.

Answer 9

What can you expect from them? To be emotionally needy. Just be cautious and don't let things get too serious until you've sure they have gotten over their previous relationship

Answer 10

Let the time build up trust. There's not that much you can do to totally stop him from feeling insecure right away. I mean the guy probably can't help himself to stop feeling that way.