What do you do when an in-law will die in six months? How do I help my spouse?

Answer 1

My dad has late stage COPD. I did not expect him to live this long. I don't think he will last another 6-12 months. I want my husband to just be there for me when its time and I need to pick up the pieces. It is important to remember (I just read a book that reminded me) that we are the lucky ones. We have time to say goodbye. People whose loved ones are taken suddenly do not have this gift/opportunity that we have.
Encourage your spouse to use this time to show the dying relative how much they love them. And when it is time, to tell them that it is Okay to go.
I do not know what you, or your spouse beliefs are. I believe in life after death. I know my deceased friends and family are with me even now. After my Dad's time comes, I know he will be with me and watching out for me from the other side. I will see him again, when it is my time. You should be clear of your own beliefs. If not, use this opportunity to develop your own beliefs. Support and encourage your spouse in her beliefs. Don't force a conversation, just be ready if she needs to talk.

Pameluh has made some great points on practical matters. I (wrongfully) assumed these matters were settled. Make sure the will and directives are in place, This will minimize the ugly and difficult formalities later. My Dad has signed a DNR, hill will is up to date, he has even planned and paid for his funeral, spareing his wife and children all of these hard decosions
Good Luck and God Bless.

Answer 2

I would consult an attorney and get an estate plan in place before the in-law loses the ability to make decisions for him/herself. Get an advance health care directive signed and notarized (if you're in CA). This is the document that Terri Shaivo (sp) did not have which kept her on life support for years. It's time to start making final preparations (burial vs. cremation) and find out what the in-law wants. It will make those types of decisions easier when the in-law eventually passes. Your spouse may not be strong enough to deal with these types of things, so the more you can do on your own, the better. If your spouse is really losing it, attend or suggest attending counseling with a trained psychologist that specializes in grief management. Sorry to hear about this upcoming tragedy. Best wishes to you and your family.

Answer 3

Be there for your spouse. Encourage them to let the dying person talk to them if they want to,,even if they are uncomfortable with the idea of death. There's no sense in telling a dying person they are going to be all right when they know you are wrong.
Often the dying person has some important things to say that must be said now....can't be said once they are gone. Please don't be selfish and avoid those conversations. You can break down when you leave their location if you want.
Sometimes we can learn a heck of a lot more from the dying person - they accept death but we avoid it - that's wrong. Let them say/do whatever they can. That way there will be no regrets. Encourage your spouse in that way and that will be of great help.

Answer 4

Observe your spouse, each person is different. Some people prefer to grieve alone, others want held, others want to talk about it. Follow their lead. Be sure to provide support and understanding. Get a book on grief to help you.

Answer 5

dance on their grave, no I'm sorry, I just have really bad in laws, you should be there for your spouse, ask him if he needs some comfort, because all they will do is push you away. Tell him that this might not be their time, but you will see each other again. Hold your spouses hand through everything. My husband's mother died 15 years ago, and he is still sad about it.

Answer 6

You just be there and support her in any way she needs. I just lost my sister. She lived only 6 months after being diagnosed with cancer. My husband was by my side the whole time. The little things matter even doing the housework because I wanted to be with her.

Answer 7

Allow your spouse to talk to you about their loved one, listen,,let them do the talking,,say things like I know this has to be hard on you honey,,,basically its a process in life that is unavoidable but just be there and listen and soothe..and dry the tears...and show love and compassion..what else is there?

Answer 8

protect them from the out side problem by keep in touch with them all the best possible time as u manage.

Answer 9

hug her, understand this if very hard on her. be supportive of her and give her the emotional support that she will need. tell her you love her and that you are there for her

Answer 10

Just be there & give emotional support.