I wrote a poem about a mental health issue... could you please tell me what you think?

Question

It's too long to type here, so you can read it at this xanga website.

http://www.xanga.com/elliespoem

just to let you know, i couldn't sleep tonight so i wrote it at about 5:00 in the morning so it needs a lot of work.

i would really appreciate any constructive criticism you can give me. this is just a rough draft so it's not its best yet. also, if you could think of any suggestions for a title i would really appreciate it.

thank you so much!! :)

<3 Ellie

Answer 1

wonderfull,it reflects the stress in ur mind and i think this the best way u can keep ur self happy.

Answer 2

It's a good rough copy. I did not really like the last stanza placing yourself in the part of the girl. That info can be placed in a aftermath or author bio. I know it makes the poem seem more personal, but it really tames down the ending. You might want to just leave the ending kind of suddenly or look to a transition into a happy ending.

Answer 3

Ellie I definitely identified with your poem. Although the emotional pain you went through was different from mine, and I did not cut myself I use to be very self destructive and hurt myself with drugs. I was unhappy and did not think alot about myself because of the abandonment issues I had with my Father. Through medication (an antidepressant and staying clean from drugs) my life is much better and I truly believe my life is important! The poem is good and intense. Hurting yourself was your only release, but there are other ways and I hope you have stopped the cutting. God Bless and stay well!

Answer 4

its beautiful..for the first draft its great, it brings back all the memories that after a long time you put aside, its nice to stop and re-think the route you had to go to get to where you are and reminds you that everyone has the same problems not just you..keep up the poems you have found something worth your time, and verytime you look at a scar sit back and take a look around and just enjoy your new found apprecation, then smile and think about just how much better its going to get from here even if you hit a few more bumps in the road it does get better..enjoy!!

Answer 5

Think of a title for it Ellie. It's exquisite. You've got real talent. Thanx for sharing it!

Post Script:
I'm a writer and I've worked as a mental health therapist.

Post, Post Script:
How about simply calling it, 'Ellie's Poem'

Answer 6

you are only 15 so its a good start
maybe you could try adding some poetic techniques for more effect - i think some metaphors would work really well, and sound really professional
i write poetry too, and get inspiration from other poets, or other art forms. in your poem, an experience of yours has been the influence, but if/when u try to write more poetry, ur writing skills could benefit from reading others work.
i joined www.sharepoetry.com and found it really useful cos people comment on your poems and say what they like and tell u how to improve- u get a variety of opinions
hope this helps

Answer 7

You know, it's not bad.

It's pretty good actually. You have a gift, Ellie, readers feel the emotions of the character, and that is a rare thing.

Keep it up, and have you considered a career in writing?

Good Luck!

Answer 8

Oh my gosh that was an a amazing poem, I loved it, I'm glad you now have a way of expressing your self with out all the pain

Answer 9

Poetry is a gift, an outlet,,,
you present it wonderfully.

I really enjoyed it.
I agree, you do have a gift.
There used to be a site on flowgo,com
the poetry forums, i used to write there alot,,,
they still have it I think, share your gift with the ppl there too.
They are awesome,,,,
You should fit right in!!!!!

Answer 10

wow ellie that was a really good poem. i loved it. u have a real gif with words and if it is true then i'm glad u stopped the cutting. good job.

Answer 11

that was a beautiful poem. I know how it feels. I think I know a good title. "the perfect mess" hope this helps.