my 80 years old friend has no children or wife, only a sister who is also immobile, he lives by himself, had 3 heart attackes, the most recent one is 7 months ago, 3 days ago he couldn't move due to 'pintched nerve', he now sits on his bed at home, can't go shopping, can't walk more than 5 steps, he refuse to get help, refuse to get social workers, refuse to get nursing home, i've already brought food to his home twice, but what should i in the long run? is pinched nerve a big deal? also he is feeling very 'funny' around his heart, what does that mean?
2007-03-30 20:33:58 · 6 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Diseases & Conditions ➔ Other - Diseases
He is lucky to have a friend like you who is willing to advocate on his behalf.
Your friend is depressed and angry, a condition that is very common in old people, and probably rightly so to a certain extent considering his ill health. He is probably feeling alone and hopeless and fearful of dying in a hospital or being with a 'bunch of sick people' in a nursing home.
Despite his refusal for help, he does accept some from you so he has not absolutely closed his mind to everything, which is a good sign.
In my opinion, the very least you can do for him, being that he refuses most help, is to get him a food service program such as 'Meals On Wheels'. This is an almost free service that will deliver wholesome meals 5 days a week, and then enough for the weekend.
If nothing else, this will open the door for outside help without his feeling invaded, hopefully. It will also free you up from your self-imposed responsibilities, which I'm sure you can only keep up with for a limited time. Let him know that he would be doing a favor for you if he accepts this because it is hard for you to do this all the time, yet you worry about his nourishment.
Also, you might contact your community agency for the elderly, and perhaps interview a social worker or representative to find out how best to aid your friend.
They might refer him to the Visiting Nurse Association for occassional check-ups, which he might welcome because they are not intrusive.
If you can make this simple inroad, he might realize that he can have his freedom and stay at home, while recieving some form of care.
You are a good friend and I wish you luck.
2007-03-31 05:01:59 · answer #1 · answered by Amerigo 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am sorry that find yourself in this tough situation, yet your friend is indeed very fortunate to have you involved in helping him!. The first step is to find resources that might help--and Vegan is right--if you live in the United States contact your local Area Agency on Aging.
Area Agencies on Aging are the first stop for information about options available is your local Area Agency on Aging. These organizations know how to listen to seniors and their friends and family members who are concerned about seniors' well-being. Staff there are trained to provide guidance and advice about resources and possible solutions that may be of great help in a situation such as the one you described. You can call 1-800-677-1116 toll free to find out the phone number of the Area Agency on Aging office serving the county where you live. When you call your Area Agency office, ask for the person who provides "Information and Assistance". If you make this call, I am confident that you will find friendly and helpful people.
It sounds like your friend may have some medical issues. These should be checked out by a nurse. If your friend refuses help, this is a situation that is termed "self neglect." Area Agency professionals will listen to you and know what might be/should be done in this situation.
It may be possible that your friend may be in-come eligible for certain in-home services or Medicaid. Some services are available on a "sliding scale fee basis" and some, such as home-delivered meals, are available on a voluntary contribution basis. Again, the folks at the Area Agency on Aging can help your friend and you sort through the possibilities.
If your friend is very low income, there are attorneys with legal services that can provide help with legal matters--powers of attorney, etc, on a very low cost basis. Your Area Agency on Aging would know how to connect you with these professionals. If your friend is not low-income and without family, he may be well-advised to find an attorney who has a good reputation in dealing with issues affecting seniors so that legal matters are in order that will help his well-being and someone with good ethical standards can look to his long-term well-being. This may be a situation where a guardianship or conservatorship is warranted.
If you call your local Area Agency on Aging and like the help that you and your friend receive, let your county elected officials know and tell your members of Congress. Area Agencies don't have big budgets--in fact appropriations for most services funded under the Older Americans Act have not increased significantly in 25 years! You will not be charged for the information you receive, however, any financial contribution you might make for the time and assistance devoted to your friend's situation would be very welcomed-- and would go toward helping more of your older friends and neighbors and their caregivers.
I hope this helps. Thanks for caring! Best wishes to you and your friend!
2007-04-03 10:23:54 · answer #2 · answered by Sunny Flower 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I appreciate your compassion for your friend-have you considered that maybe he has decided he'd rather not live like this? Maybe he's tired of being in poor health and sees little reason to keep struggling. As long as he is oriented and coherent, YES he does have the right to refuse medical treatment and placement in a nursing home.
2007-03-30 21:34:34 · answer #3 · answered by barbara 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh, this poor man. He definitely needs help. I don't know where he lives, but there are lots of services in the US to help elders who live at home. Groceries can be delivered (safeway.com or albertsons.com), meals can be delivered, paratransit can take him to doctors' appointments, home health care agencies can help him with bathing, grooming, housework, etc. These services are expensive, though, and somebody will need to coordinate them. If you are not able to coordinate them, there are care managers who can do it, but they are also expensive.
It sounds like his immobility could be related to medical conditions, and the "funny" feeling around his heart is worrisome because of his heart disease. You should definitely contact his doctor and let him or her know. The doctor may not be able to give you any information without your friend's permission, but you can certainly give information to the doctor. If these things are treatable, maybe he will improve to the point where he can be independent again. If not, he will need long-term help -- either at home, with services like those above, or in a facility (assisted living, board & care, or nursing home). Facilities are also very expensive.
If you are in the US, Area Agencies on Aging will know about which services are available in your area. If he is really in dire straits, Adult Protective Services can step in and get help for him. Good luck, and good for you for helping your friend.
2007-03-30 21:07:46 · answer #4 · answered by vegan 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Contact a social worker and see if someone can visit him for an evaluation. You should encourage him to see a doctor.
2007-03-30 20:37:31 · answer #5 · answered by Mamma Mia 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
find out who his dr. is and tell him. if he cannot take care of himself and has heart disease, he can't refuse an alternate living situation. his dr. should see to it if you give him the details.
2007-03-30 21:06:30 · answer #6 · answered by enwoodelf 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋