Okay, I was told by someone close to me that I need to start focusing on settling down with a guy along with completing my education.
At the age of 22, should I start looking for someone to share my life with now?
Yes, I've been busy with school and work but should I really start improving my love life too. I took a break from relationships for maturity reasons (I've always felt wiser and stronger emotionally then my b/fs). For that reason, I thought I'd reflect on why I attract the kind of men I don't want in my life.
However, should I just stop with all the reflecting? How do I start attracting the men that I need verses the the ones who are toxic?????
2007-03-30 19:37:51 · 14 answers · asked by rosie768 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
I just want guys in my life who aren't "toxic" -- meaning that they will drain me emotionally ... thats what I fear the most.
2007-03-30 19:46:07 · update #1
Dating older men? How would I know they're not as lame as the younger ones I've ran across. The oldest guy I've ever been with was 24.
2007-03-30 19:48:01 · update #2
Oh and I'm not desperate or dependent on anyone. Thats the problem, I'm very independent thinking and I don't want to rely on a guy to take care of me ... if that makes sense.
2007-03-30 19:53:02 · update #3
Oi, look, I'm 24 (already??) and I haven't found the "love of my life" or anything remotely close to that... I definitely know what you mean about the "toxic" guys and the maturity thing... For a while, I used to just date guys that were at least five, if not more, years older than me because I couldn't deal with guys my age who were either a) just trying to get into my pants or b) obsessed with the idea of having a "steady" girlfriend... but didn't really know how to sustain such a relationship. You have to remember that guys mature later than girls, so guys that are in their late 20's, early 30's *are* usually more mature and more interesting (i.e. it's not just an older man fetish). Guys who are in their early 20's are too busy getting their life together (graduating, finding a job, dealing with a new job, going to grad school, etc. etc.)...
Ok, having said that, I definitely think that you should try to at least keep an open mind about dating. You don't have to go on a dating warpath and try to get the numbers of as many guys as possible, but I think that flirtatious interactions with the opposite sex is not only fun (yeah!) but also an important part of a healthy lifestyle. The problem with "reflecting" on why you attract the kind of men you don't want with your life, is that unless you're actually meeting guys and seeing the range of personalities that are out there, you're going to end up creating some unattainable ideal boyfriend and you'll continue shooting down potential boyfriends because they don't measure up. Maybe a guy will be awesome at making you laugh, but maybe he's really messy... or he cooks, but he's not that great in bed... he's a great listener, but he has obnoxious friends... Reflecting is useful, but it can only help you so much.
However, DO NOT date with the objective of looking for someone to share your life... That will completely skew and pervert a potential relationship. Of course, you should try to look for decent guys that you think you can have a long-term relationship with, but long-term doesn't necessarily have to mean life-term... Just look for good guys and let the relationship take its course.
Now, this brings us to the "just look for good guys" thing... I'm sure you're thinking, "HA! If I could do that, I wouldn't be in this situation..." Agreed. Activities are a great way to meet people... like, if there's an activity that you're interested in, join some group... It doesn't have to be that often, but even twice a month will be enough to extend your social circle. Also, try out online personals. I've met two wonderful guys through the personals... One became a good friend, the other something more. I would recommend The Onion personals, personally, because they seem to have more quirky people than other places, but Yahoo has their own personals site. Of course, you're going to have to be a little bit more careful about security and screening out creeps than if you were just meeting guys face-to-face, but you'll probably meet a greater range of guys than you would normally.
So, in conclusion... You don't have to start "focusing" on settling down with a guy... Just take it in stride, and recognize that interaction (of any sort... just that flirting is one of the more fun ones) is an important part of a fulfilling life... And have fun with it!!
2007-03-30 20:24:17 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
22 is too young to commit to sharing your life with someone, but it is not a bad idea to start looking at dating from a more serious angle. Learn to recognize the toxic ones quickly, define what makes a potential candidate toxic and don't waste your time with those types. Also, define for yourself what you need in a man, and don't date those who don't qualify by your definition. I think being single and available at the right moment is pretty important in meeting the right guy, the key to which is not wasting a lot of time with Mr. Wrongs. Not like you can tell from the first glance, no, but if you had a few dates with the guy and you see that it's not quite right, no need to continue.
*** I agree with you - how do you know that older guy is any better in terms of being a good match. People grow older but not necessarily do they get better.
2007-03-30 19:47:22 · answer #2 · answered by Snowflake 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding? You should settle down at 22 because somebody TOLD you to? NO way. You need to do some reading and research, for example "Body Language" by Susan Quilliam or "How To Make Anyone Fall In Love With You" By Leil Lowndes. You need to do a little people watching. I suggest going to a bar (not for yourself) to watch how certain types of men seem to land ladies (not the floozies) time after time (or the approaches that are successful); then objectively and LOGICALLY ask yourself if she is being led on, whether he is a jerk or nice guy, how his delivery would have made you feel in her place; and possibly add some neutral online "dating" like the "meeting for coffee" thing and take it SLOW.
Also realize that the best places to find men are at malls, the supermarket, the library, parks and museums, at work/school, gyms/health clubs and gourmet coffee shops and last place is personals - and Bars DO NOT WORK! (but the above Bar experiment I advised you to conduct WILL teach you what to avoid).
2007-03-30 19:51:03 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sweet heart you are still young. Go after your education finish it.then find a very good job SAVE your money.stand on your two feet.around age 28 look for someone who will accept you as who you are.build up total , understanding, compassion,love, and the most important thing total TRUST.now im not saying become mother Tricia, you can look around but keep your focus on your gaols first.and when you find the person who you love and he loves you back then get married. but keep your bank account totally separate from him.LOL. no seriously every women needs to have something of her own. what ever you do never ever rush in anything in your life. GOOD LUCK
2007-03-30 19:53:26 · answer #4 · answered by not fair 6 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Actually, about thirty to fifty years ago that advice would have been right. Around 15- 20 years ago you should be settling down around 25-28. Nowadays, it's better to wait until you are 31-34.
2007-03-30 19:41:12 · answer #5 · answered by Valrosa 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
22 is way too young... having a relationship is good but one must know the person well..not just getting involved with someone for the sake of having someone with. Take your time, know the person well, his background, his values and his interest. If most of it compliment with yours then maybe you two are compatible... relationship is always complicated... a lot entails to it. So good luck...
2007-03-30 19:44:54 · answer #6 · answered by á?¦â?«â?¥flygalâ?¥â?«á?¦ 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would really love an answer to this too. I am pretty mature but the guys I tend to attract are just lame. Maybe they sense the desperation or dependence. I just dont know. Maybe its a confidence issue.
Maybe hang out @ places where older men are.
2007-03-30 19:42:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
just keep doing what you're doing. 22 is not too old. finish your education as it seems to be a goal. worry about guys later. i married at 29, 26 years ago and still going strong. it takes time and effort to find the right person, keep your standards!
2007-03-30 19:42:12 · answer #8 · answered by billyjoemikey 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you usually find love when you least expect it, most guys around you age are too immature you have plenty of time dont rush your life to make some one else happy or in the end you wont be happy, if you feel u r doing the right thing you probally are, to me it sounds like u r
2007-03-30 19:44:19 · answer #9 · answered by c s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No it's not about age but meeting someone you have lots in common with. Rushing into commitment can be a mistake many make just because someone is pressuring them that it's "time."
2007-03-30 19:41:01 · answer #10 · answered by ? 6 · 2⤊ 1⤋