Is it controlling to turn my girlfriends cell phone off right after she breaks up with me?

Question

I have claimed the whole time we dated that she used me for things that I gave her and told her that is why she dated me, but she denied that being true. We have a baby together and on the day she broke up with me I had the child with me and while she was at work I suspended the account (since I am the one that pays for it). She went hay wire calling me up telling me how this is one reason she didnt want to date me. She claimed that this is the reason that " she felt like she was selling her soul to the devil by dating me" Now I try and tell her how this is a perfect example of how she used me and she still claims that she never used me and that I should not have turned her cell phone off since we have a baby together, but again, the child was with me at the time I turned it off. We are both curious of everyone's response and will be checking the answers frequently so if you need more info, just ask and I will provide with in a half hour. Thanks for your oppinions

Answer 1

As soon as she pays for it, reactivate it.

Answer 2

It was a little harsh, but, if you're the one paying it... Did she really expect for you to pay it at the end of the month? Haaa!
No one wants to keep paying for the stuff of someone who doesn't want to be with them. It doesn't make sense!
For things for your child is a completely different story, though.

It is hard to say if you were completely right to do this, i don't know what kind of people you guys are.
I would say you should have warned her, so she wasn't phoneless out there, i mean, what if something happened to her and she needed to call for help? But then again, what if you warned her and she made a lot of crazy phone calls to china just to spite you?
You probably are wrong about the 'she used you for things' bit. Usually, in a relationship, the guy buys stuff for the girl. I don't know why, and i'm not saying it's right, but that's just how it goes.
The part where she said '...should not have turned her cell phone off since we have a baby...' is bs. I repeat: you should take care of your baby ONLY, after the breakup. You shouldn't be paying for her stuff anymore.

Answer 3

You both sound like a couple of children who don't care that it's your baby that is being hurt by all of this fighting. Think about this: If your girlfriend had the baby because you were at work, and the baby had an emergency, your gf couldn't call 911 because you shut off her phone just to be vindictive, and your baby died because your gf couldn't call 911 in time, the net result would be that your baby died bc you were vindictive. Picture this also: Your child heard her mom saying that she sold her soul to the devil by dating you. Children, and their wild imaginations, don't understand that phrase as it is meant; rather, they conjure up images of mom selling her soul to an evil guy in a red suit with a pitchfork. That baby will have nightmares for weeks. You both need to back up for a minute and think about what you want for your baby. If it's not death by lack of phone or weeks of nightmares, you need to go to couples counseling, even if the goal is separation, so that you can learn to talk to each other without hurting your child. Everything you ever do for the next 18 years, whether you are together or apart, should be done with that childs best interests at heart. Hurting each other hurts your child. You can separate without being mean to each other.

Answer 4

You have every right to turn off the phone. If you are no longer together why should you pay the bill? If she wants a phone- she can pay for it. All you have to do is pay child support if she has the child. That doesn't include the telephone. It proves only that you were smart so you wouldn't get stuck with a huge bill when she started calling everywhere.

Answer 5

I think it would have been more rational to come to some agreement over the billing of the phone rather than just have it switched off, I understand you did it in case she may have racked up a huge bill in spite, but I have to say that it even though the baby is with you you still have to be able to contact the mother in case of emergency.Even though your relationship as lovers is over you will always have your child in common and must consider your childs needs BEFORE your own.

Answer 6

No, I think it's completely legit. You can't go two blocks without running into a phone- pay or otherwise. As long as you continue to take her calls when you have the baby, and none of the financial or material goods you revoke from her effect the health and well being of the child. I think it's time she got her own phone.

Answer 7

It is not wrong, perhaps a bit vengefull, but not controlling. I would say that yes the "selling her soul to the devil" sounds a bit gold-digger like. But this is of course a biased accounting by you. I would say if she broke up with you the cell phone thing was probably one of the only slightly mean yet satifying things I have heard of someone getting revenge by.

Answer 8

Well, if she were selling her soul to the devil by dating you, then she should be glad you cut the phone off, so you can't call and shoot fire up her butt.

I think if she's old enough to have a baby, she's old enough to pay for her own phone and have her own phone in her name.

Sure, you could have told her in advance you were cutting the phone off, but you didn't have to be nice enough to give her a phone and pay for it too....so...to a point, no one is in the wrong.

Answer 9

No that is not controlling, that was smart. We all know of people who run up credit cards, phone bills and empty bank accounts after a break up, so what you did was for your protection. You have a child together, but that doesn't mean that you have to pay her bills too -- it would be wrong for her to assume otherwise.

Answer 10

Well about the phone i agree, she should get it back when she pays for it. I think it is horrible that she used you for your money. However, if she has no other income you shouldn't stop giving her a resonable amount of money until she gets a job.
I feel sorry for the child. How did you get yourselves into this mess? I hope it all works out anyway.

Answer 11

You should have given her warning that you were turning off the phone, but after giving her notice you're completely in the right to stop paying her bills.