We just spilt... and well it is a good and bad break up... has good days... and has bad... but the plan at this point is for me to keep the child and raise it myself... and he is planning on being there casually when he can be.... he wants me to put the child up for adoption... and I have not decided for sure the best thing... but at this point I am planning on keeping the child... and just need to know whose last name to give it?
2007-03-30 15:26:34 · 43 answers · asked by alberta_chica555 1 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Parenting
you decide who's last name the baby gets. i personally would give it your last name since he has decided to really not be a father at all so why give it his last name. he doesn't deserve it.
2007-03-30 15:29:47 · answer #1 · answered by redpeach_mi 7 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If he decides to be an active part of your baby's life, his name. If not, your name.
Please consider adoption. Sure, you may think you can raise your child just fine as a single mother, but you won't do as well as people who actually want kids enough to go out and adopt one. This will give you and your child a vastly better life. Raising kids alone is always a bad idea, your ex doesn't want the kid and you may grow to resent him/her when your quality of life declines (I've been there; it will decline). You can even have an open adoption, where you can still see your child and be part of his/her life.
Please don't have kids if you didn't plan for them, financially and emotionally. This all may seem harsh, but it's for the best. Forget about your feelings and look at the situation objectively, as if you were giving someone else advice, and you'll agree.
2007-03-30 15:46:39 · answer #2 · answered by MikeTG 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
At birth unless he signs the birth certificate a lot of states place your name as the last name on the birth certificate.
If after the DNA test proves paternity he can insist the child's name be changes to his if he chooses to do so.
You will want the DNA to prove paternity due to child support issues and if in the future he were to decided to change his mind about being a father then it will have already been established. You have to consider visitation, etc.
This will also save you some grief later when the child wants to know about his dad and then dad can not deny it.
I sincerely wish you and your child a wonderful life. Take a deep breather and hang in there, it will be alright.
2007-03-30 15:34:53 · answer #3 · answered by Nana 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your name i dont think a child should have the fathers name unless he married the mom before the baby was born except in case of adoption. and make the right choice a baby is a real person not a doll you can play with when you feel like it.if you cannot provide for this baby and if you dont have parents or other family to help you out it will be very tough.do whats best and good luck.
2007-03-30 15:45:08 · answer #4 · answered by dixie58 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your last name. I know it is nice for baby to have daddy's but it makes like a bit more difficult for you. When you have the same last name as your child you won't have as hard a time with say picking them up from school or places where maybe people don't know you as being "mom". I think you will be much happier, besides if he is a casual dad he isn't worthy of giving his last name to anyone.
2007-03-30 15:55:50 · answer #5 · answered by Mandy C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you two are not legally married, the baby should have your last name. This man did not show you any honor or respect by marrying you, so why honor him by giving the baby his last name? You are the one going to be raising it...it could get confusing explaining why you and your child have 2 different last names when a father is not in the picture. You deserve all the honor and glory here-especially after carrying the baby for 9 months and then going through childbirth! I say give it your last name! Good luck to you!
2007-03-30 15:33:24 · answer #6 · answered by Carrie C 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Well my parents got divorced and I kept my dads last name. But this child is unborn yes? Well anyway the baby should have your name for 2 reasons.
1. The baby is unborn and you and the father are spliting up.
2. You and the father were not married/are not married when the child is being born.
Sorry if this is no help.. And congradulations on the baby.
2007-03-30 16:25:18 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
give the baby your last name. men come & go but your name stays the same. i work for the welfare dept and i have seen so many females of many ethnic groups coming in there with 2 to 10 babies (yes 10) and they think it's cute to give each one of them the guy's last name. and i'm talking about 10 DIFFERENT men. that's too many absent parent forms. the children have to feel that they are a part of a family not a part of 10 families.
it's not about you two anymore, it's all about the child and what will you tell that child when he or she wants to know about the dad. it was just a casual thing? your child has feelings and will have a million more when he or she goes through puberty. have respect for them because they do become adults. give them something to be proud of. something they can respect you for. for the next 18 years, think about the child please.
2007-03-30 15:41:47 · answer #8 · answered by Chula Lula 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
My goddaughter has her dad's last name and there is absolutely no one in her life who shares it. Two of her brothers who have 2 different dads also have their fathers' last names. They also have no one in their worlds (consistently anyways, both fathers drop by when it's convenient..one is 15 and hasn't seen his dad since he was 8. The other lives with his mommy and drops in for a week or two when his mom kicks him out every three years or so) There are other siblings with another dad who share a last name. Mom has a different last name all together, as does her long term live-in boyfriend who didn't father any of the children.
Confused yet? So are most people associated with this family. Just give your child your last name.
2007-03-30 16:52:36 · answer #9 · answered by Gabby_Gabby_Purrsalot 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I don't know what the regulations in your area are, but in my neck of the woods you need the dad to sign the birth certificate if you want to use his last name.
If you are planning on raising the child yourself, my advice is to use your last name. It will minimize any confusion in the future from any hospital stays, daycare arrangements, schools, clubs, etc...
Know that you are not alone and that there is support out there for you. Ask your doctor's office or local clinic about any birthing and parenting companion programs in your area(they will set you up with a woman who is able to assist and advocate for you during pregnancy and delivery and during the early stages of parenting). If they don't know, contact your city's public health department and ask about what support and groups are available to you. Contact Planned Parenthood and ask for support and contacts. If all else fails, check out the internet for local support. You should not have to be feeling alone at this time, or feel so overwhelmed that you think that you may not be prepared to raise your child.
2007-03-30 15:42:26 · answer #10 · answered by Calluna 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Whatever name you want. I live in Maryland and here, you can give the baby ANY name you choose, you can even make up a last name. I had the same thing happen to me last summer. My ex broke it off and I found out I was pregnant 2 days later. I have the baby and she has my last name :) If you are taking care of him/her its up to you. Congrats and good luck!
2007-03-30 15:31:01 · answer #11 · answered by Nichole B 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋