How do you react to an insulting person (who says nasty-ugly-remarks)?

Question

very hurtful, and personal mnean, mean stuff, then says JUST KIDDING! What can I say in return?

...very cutting jabs, meant to belittle (thats his hobby-belittling people)

Its a very intense situation. Its my boyfriend (yuk), at any rate, his personality is condescending, patronizingly superior attitude and behavior. I choose to be here because I really don't have any alternative right now. I'd be homeless. I can't ask him to stop, that he's hurting my feelings because he laughs at me or gets mad, and says "For petes sake I DON"T WANT TO ARGUE" Trying to react in-turn with insults is sooo hard, I just don't say that kind of stuff, and get nauseated when I have to. (I've tried) The only thing that hurts his feelings is saying he has no money. But then he gets madder and has to throw his weight around and his big mouth starts about "HIS 401K, and HIS retirement, and blah-blah-blah" He's a bigshot in his own mind. People back off because he has a big mouth. It's tough, to say the least.

Answer 1

I realize that you may have a hard time with this but he's not just being insulting. He's being abusive. Abuse is not just physical, it's also mental and emotional. Most likely he will become physically abusive, if he hasn't already. When he gets angry,even if it's not at you, does he tell you it's your fault? If something bad happens to him, does he blame you? An abusive person will start off slowly. With insults like, are you really going to wear that, didn't you say it makes you look fat? Then it's the ever so popular "pet names" like lard ***,or worthless whore. Of course they do this in public and when you show "weakness" (being upset) they roll their eyes and say, oh good grief, I was only kidding. Making you feel as though you are overreacting. You're not. Then there is the constant reminder that if you leave nobody will want you because you are worthless. You're not worthless. It sounds as though he is moving toward the last stage. The physical abuse. It will happen. If at all possible get in contact with your nearest women's shelter and tell them what's going on. If they're not able to help you they can put you in touch with those that can. Talk to your family and friends. Let them know what's happening. There is nothing to be ashamed of. You have done nothing wrong. After you've freed yourself, go to therapy. It will be hard but you can do it. You are a wonderful person who is very valuable to the world. Please get yourself out of there immediately. My email is available. You are more than welcome to contact me anytime. Be strong and good luck.

Answer 2

first of all I don't hang around people like that. Ive found that type to have alot of built up resentment and anger issues.the remarks are a way to let go of some of the venom they hold inside.the "JUST KIDDING "or WHAT ? YOU CANT TAKE A JOKE? is the way they keep you from retaliating or holding them responsible for it. It,s a well known passive, aggressive move.
If however it,s in a situation where I can,t avoid a person like that. I let them know right away that i wont put up with that kind of treatment.I say something like "It doesn't sound like kidding to me.it sounded like you just verbally abused me. " or "did you just insult me?or I think you,re rude! most of the time they back peddle and fall all over themselves saying sorry. and Ive never had a repeat performance from the same person. in fact they avoid me afterwards.
Now there are times with really close friends or family that throwing around insults or digs is appropriate and can be accepted as a game because we know how they really feel about us .but i don't feel it is ever appropriate among casual acquaintances.
peace><>
HEY im back cause i just read your add on and this is a very different situation,than what you first let on to. my advice to you is to leave as soon as you can.this person displays abusive behavior the controlling, the insults. it can only escalate.and soon you may find yourself in a physically abusive situation. you can leave and should.there are places to help you.

http://www.acog.org/departments/dept_notice.cfm?recno=17&bulletin=198
http://www.ndvh.org/
whatever town you are in there is someone who can help you get out. call the hot line.

Answer 3

There is a lot of one liners such as:
It takes one to know one. Geesh, if brains were dynamite you would not have enough to blow your cap off with. But the best one is Do you really know how you make a person feel when you say stuff like that kidding or not??? Kindly take your nasty remarks and don't let the door hit you in the butt on the way out. If you can ignore it, do, but if you can't put him in his place.. Tell him what you think then say JUST KIDDING!!!NOT! Good luck

Answer 4

i know exactly what ur tlaking about. and what i do is just act superior. let's say when u guys are having a "good time" together try and find out things that would be hurtful. to use later on.>>> example. my cousin my age weighs like 10 pounds and i'm way taller and a lot more bulkier. calls me fat. WHICH I'M NOT. lol i promise. he'll be something along the lines of fatso stuff like that. ok w/e what i usually respond to is the death of his dog. i usually just say somthing about that and that usually makes him cry or something. but then after you say something mean. be sure to always just say. JUST KIDDING. so they feel the same thing you did.

Answer 5

if it were me, i would either give it back to him just as good (or better) as i got it, ignore him or just laugh it off id say. The one thing that always shoots a man down is saying mean things about his 'manhood' if you know what i mean. its mean , i know and low, but if he is low enough to insult you all the time then hide behind a joke do the same to him. Tell him ur mama tells me you got the smallest willie she ever saw, how do u ever feel like a man, or something along those lines. if that doesnt shut him up i dont know what will.Whatever you do dont ever give him the satisfaction of letting him know it bothers you.

Answer 6

Hopefully you won't be spending too much time around this person, but if you have to....then I would just say something like, "Was that an insult, because it sure sounded like one", or "Were you really kidding?...it sure didn't sound like you were". Another idea would be to ignore him/her. This person has low self-esteem, and has to make himself/herself feel better but insulting someone. Hopefully, one day he'll/she'll be able to be happy with himself/herself. Mean people suck!

Answer 7

I knew someone like that and I turned his nasty remarks into something else. Like he would say your as big as a balloon. And I say "Thank you, a balloon floating across the sky is beautiful. Or he'd say "Your Mama wore army boots". And I'd reply "How did you know? She worked in an airplane factory during the war?" Turn it into something that he didn't mean and watch him get frustrated.

Answer 8

I understand that this type of person is very insecure.
I plainly tell the person that those types of "jokes" are not appreciated. If they continue, I avoid them. If I can't avoid them. I ignore them or walk away when they start their insults.
That is on a good day.

On a bad day, I tell them how stupid they sound when they constantly talk like that.

Answer 9

Simply tell this person that you are very turned off by his antagonistic, passive aggressive, sense of humor and you would appreciate it if they wouldn't annoy you with it from this point on. Thank him curtly and walk away.

Answer 10

Flip him off, unless your at school. Or keep a note in you pocket that says f * c k you with a happy face then hand it to him, smiling.