Toddler to be kicked out of day care for biting?

Question

My daughter is 17 months old, and she's recently started biting other kids when they get in arguments over toys. Twice now she's broken the skin of other kids. The day care is extremely scared of liability, so they sent her home for this week, which is very difficult as my wife and I both work and have no family or back-up day care in this area. Now they're willing to take her back, but if she bites like this again, they say their going to kick her out. So I have two questions:
1) Have you had this situation (the biting) and how did you resolve it?
2) Isn't it a bit extreme to kick out a 17 MONTH OLD for a pretty normal behavior?

For a little more background, I have two older kids (7 and 9) who never went through this. In fact, they WERE bitten in day care when they were young, and no kid every got kicked out for it. Also, we have always had doubts about the toddler's teacher and her ability to handle any kind of issue - this has really confirmed it.

THANKS!

FOr those who have zero experience with kids, your answers are not helpful. For those who think that a 17-month old biting is uncommon and bizarre, you're completely wrong. (http://pediatrics.about.com/gi/dynamic/offsite.htm?zi=1/XJ/Ya&sdn=pediatrics&cdn=health&tm=63&gps=114_14_989_561&f=00&tt=14&bt=0&bts=0&zu=http%3A//www.keepkidshealthy.com/parenting_tips/ep/biting.html). Again, read up before you accuse someone of bad parenting.

ANYWAY, to give more details, the biting started with another kid biting her a few weeks back, and now she bites pretty much exclusively out of frustration, and specifically when another child tries to take something from her. She is the only child in her age group who talks, and that's what she does at home to communicate with us. Since the other kids don't respond to her words, she's trying to make her point, especially when she's being bullied. Hopefully that helps. At home, we really don't have the opportunity to correct the problem since we use words

One more thing - I do feel terrible about this. My kids have been bitten before (hard!), so I understand how the other parents feel. But never once did it cross my mind that the other kids biting mine should be booted from day care. I knew it was a phase of exploration that kids go through, and I expected the child to get past that phase. I knew that my child might be bitten again, but I felt comfortable enough with that day care's teachers to know that they would be monitoring things closely (and they were not bitten again afterward by the same child).

I just don't feel that this day care is doing enough. They did the right thing by having her shadowed once, but afterward all I got was a report of how many times they thought she was trying to bite (that's when they sent her home for a week).

I believe that the almost $1000 a month I spend on this day care is for more than to watch my child - they are there to teach and care for her, too. And this should be included as part of that.

Answer 1

I have heard of this happening before in a daycare. And while it is very inconvienent for you, the daycare has to protect the other children. I'm not saying it's right or wrong... it's just the way it is.
I teach in a young toddler classroom and I know all about biting, hitting, kicking, pushing, slapping, all that. My advice to you is to have a conference with the teacher. It's always great to start with common ground. It may be that the teacher is not aware that you are so concerned about this problem. Approach the teacher with concern and ask to have time to sit privately and discuss this issue. Together you may be able to come up with rewards for good behavior and consequences for biting and such. Try to figure out when the unwanted behavior is occuring. Is it during a transition? Is it during free play? Is it on the playground where it may be harder to supervise closely? If you can pinpoint the time of the behavior, the teacher may be able to watch for warning signs and prevent it.
Really the best way to get through this is to work out a compromise with the teacher and stratagies for getting it under control. And... though I hate to say it... if the teacher is not willing to work out a plan of prevention, then it may be time to look for a new preschool.

Answer 2

There are several theories on biting one is that the child is biting out of frustration, or biting because of teething, or biting just to be mean. It is probably a combination of the three most of the time. Any time the child appears ready to bite say NO in a very loud voice and push them away. Continue to do this every time and soon they wont bite. It does take a while. If they bite someone show them the bite and tell them no biting so they understand it hurts. Need to tell them it hurts the other person. Sometimes toddlers dont really understand that they can actually hurt someone.

Some may say to bite him back and while effective most of the time its also a child abuse charge so is not recommended.

Answer 3

I don't think it's extreme to kick a child out for biting. The day care center needs to protect not only the children in their care, but also themselves. Suppose another parent complained about the biting? The situation could quickly escalate into an insurance and lawsuit nightmare. To solve the biting problem, the best you can do is catch the child at it and make it clear that biting others is unacceptable. This may be just a normal stage that the child will grow out of; however, you should consider the possibility that there could be another issue behind this behavior. Your child may be trying to get attention, even at such a young age, she may feel that it is necessary to fight for anything she wants. I wouldn't blame the teacher in this situation. Educators are bound by so many state, child-protecting laws that there is really nothing they can do about this kind of situation.

Answer 4

I myself am a toddler teacher, and biting is very common with children like your daughter's age. If your daughter has been biting at this day care, the head teacher/caregiver should have her shadowed. Meaning, that the teacher or an assistant should be very close to your daughter to watch her if she goes to bite. You yourself can also talk to her, point to your teeth and her teeth and tell her that it is not okay to bite, that she needs to use her words, and that she can only use her teeth for food no biting, because it can hurt her friends. Nowadays anybody and everybody can be sued, and the daycare does not want to be liable for any legal actions. But, it is their duty to try to at least stop the biting by getting the head teacher to shadow her, because she is only a toddler biting not a 4 year old for goodness sakes. Good luck!

Answer 5

It stinks, but most day-cares I know of have a 3 time biting rule and your out. I would try asking the daycare provider suggestions on how to stop this behavior especially if she doesn't do it at home. It will show that you're taking this seriously.

Good luck.

Answer 6

wow - thankfully i don't have a biter but i do know that a 17 month old is basically still a baby who can not communicate her feelings and biting/hiting is totally normal at that age. It's just a stage until she can express herself. Punishing a baby (like some have suggested) is nothing short of child abuse. A 17 month old does not yet have the brain capacity to understand cause and effects. All you'll get by punishing her is making yourself feel better that you did something. I think the real shame here is that you don't have a back-up child care facility in the area because this place sounds incompetent. Best of luck. Hopefully she'll outgrow it soon.

Answer 7

If you are worried about the leader's abiities, wouldn't you rather move your daughter to somebody you are more confident with?

Of course your experience with biting is different now, suing places for bizarre reasons wasn't that popular 7-9 years ago!

Answer 8

I've never heard of a kid being kicked out of daycare because of biting! I worked in a daycare, with 18mo. to 2 1/2 year olds, it happens all the time. It's what a kid does to express themselves when they get mad, especially when they can't talk yet. Don't know how they can do that....talk to the director of the daycare center....have her explain what's going on..it does sound pretty extreme to kick a 17 mo. old out for biting.

Answer 9

If you don't feel the daycare is doing enough, then either talk to them or switch daycares. Most daycares should have gone through something like this before with another child, and have ideas on how to curtail the biting behavior through consequences (ie isolation time every time she attempts to bite).

Answer 10

Nowadays most children who bite are removed from daycare.

You have to somehow get it across to her that she cannot bite but you need to figure out why she is biting and what triggers this response in her.

http://www.ehow.com/how_5913_stop-children-biting.html

Sometimes biting can be triggered by a more serious problem. Is she well treated in the school?