We live overseas and are going to have our wedding at "home" (New Zealand) Its obvious that we can't accept gifts, do you think we need to mention this (on invitations or something) or shall we just trust our guests to use common sense and give money or something??
2007-03-30 12:06:11 · 17 answers · asked by tyreesesmum 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Oh, I'm not saying we want to ask for money (OR ANY GIFT) what I'm saying, is we dont want any of the material things .... it may sound ungrateful, but we are not willing to cart it all back overseas with us, we'll have to give it away (and i cant think of anything more horrible then someone giving a gift I brought especially for them to someone else)
2007-03-30 12:21:43 · update #1
maybe you could request "no gifts please".
or "in lieu of a gift, please make a charitable contribution in the couple's name."
2007-03-30 19:02:33 · answer #1 · answered by kiki 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
So I'm going to give you the "PC" answer cause I had this fight with my mother in law when I got married. From doing research, all of the etiquette books mention that is extremely rude to mention anywhere on an invitation to anything about gifts that you are expecting. The strict etiquette books do not even like the little inserts telling people where you are registered for gifts. It seemed a little much but then I read somewhere where they explained it very simply ... you are inviting people to a celebration and it would be extremely rude to basically say that they are required to buy you a gift in order to attend your celebration - which is what you would be saying if you make mention of gifts. ( I won't tell you about what they said about asking for money cause I'm sure that you can imagine) The etiquette books recommend that you have family members inform other guests, should they ask, of where you are registered. This is what I did. Good Luck!
2007-03-30 12:17:12 · answer #2 · answered by La Princessa 2 · 4⤊ 1⤋
Maybe look into a way to say that donations to one of your favorite foundations will be accepted as wedding gifts (if you would like to do that).
If you want gifts (money), I'm not sure how you would go about that... if its a small wedding word of mouth could work through families, but I'm not sure what to do if it's a large one.
2007-03-30 13:06:50 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
You cannot mention anything in the invitations or websites or in any way, regarding gifts, without sounding rude. It's just not appropriate to mention, in any fashion.
You need to trust people to put two and two together and realize that you cannot transport physical gifts. If they mess up and gift you anyhow, then you simply hve to deal with it. Graciously accept the gift then donate it to charity if you can't transport it. And of course send a thank you note.
By etiquette, people are not really supposed to bring gifts to the wedding in any case. Gifts are really supposed to be dropped off at, or shipped to, the bride and groom's home, which means people people can (and hopefully will) shop on line and ship the gifts directly to you in your country of residence.
You could also include an At Home card in your invitations which mentions the day you will return home from your honeymoon, as well as your name after marriage and your shared address. This may underscore for people that you will continue to live oveseas after the wedding, without being rude by mentioning gifts.
It is also IMPOLITE to try to instruct people to donate to charity money that you otherwise would expect them to spend on gifts for you.
2007-03-31 06:16:21 · answer #4 · answered by Etiquette Gal 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would post it on the invitations, coz alot of people will not assume you can just accept a gift & just ship it home w/ the rest of your things. Mentioning it on an invitation makes sure that every guest is on the same page. I don't think there's anything wrong about it, or offensive. Have it say something like," Due to our home location being over-seas, we humbly ask that our guests make all gifts monetary in order for us to keep customs issues & shipping costs down." Something like that. Hope this helps! Best of luck & Congrats on the upcomming big day!
2007-03-30 12:13:07 · answer #5 · answered by Spiral_Dancer 3 · 3⤊ 4⤋
You could simply ship the gifts to wherever you live. It's not that hard. If you are really dead-set against getting "real" gifts, you will certainly have to put it on an invitation or let people know some other way, since most will probably not figure it out on their own. Another solution would be to have people mail the gifts to your home if they so desire. I think you're making the problem out to be bigger than it really is.
2007-03-30 12:22:35 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 2⤋
Turning your invitation into a plea for cash, check or money order, is pretty tacky.
If you don't want what people wish to give you, then ask for a donation to your favorite charity.
You can tell family members that if they are asked they can say a check or cash is always appreciated, but you can't do that yourself without seeming crass.
A gift is an expression of goodwill, love, and consideration. If it doesn't come in the form you like you still have to say thank you, like you mean it too.
2007-03-30 12:11:59 · answer #7 · answered by justa 7 · 0⤊ 3⤋
I think the best option you have is not count on people' "common sense", everyone's sense of propriety and gifts is different. So be honest and let people know that gifts can't be accepted but if they must give you something to give a gift certificate or money.
2007-03-30 12:09:14 · answer #8 · answered by Anjanette A 3 · 0⤊ 3⤋
Unless your guest are completely dumb, you don't have to ask for anything they will know. But some traditional pain the ars like myself will still give you something. I have a very good friend who is getting married in the USA but moving to Germany right after. I am giving her money but I really wanted to get her some china as well..... because they don't do that tradition in German and she is really interested about it. So I am shipping the china to her mother's house as a surprise but I know she doesn't want to carry a box of china on the plane. I think most guest will know.
2007-03-30 14:38:54 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would let people know you request nothing more than the pleasure of their company on your special day. since its very improper to ask for money (and you said you didnt want to do this anyways) this is your best bet. you can spread it word of mouth via friends and family...or if you know it wont get around then it is ok to put in an invite that you would like nothing more then the guests to celebrate your special day with you and that gifts will not be accepted as you can not return hoem with them. if your not asking for gifts or telling your guests you only want money then its ok to mention this. some people might still give a card with cash in it since you can obviously bring this home with you, and others will know not ot purchase anything.
2007-03-30 13:14:26 · answer #10 · answered by Jenn ♥Cadence Jade's mum♥ 7 · 3⤊ 0⤋
There s nothin like a gift tradition when it comes to an Indian wedding. A lot depends on how close u r to ur friend, how much u can afford etc etc. it cud be flowers, a pair of champagne glasses, a pair of wrist watches, a piece of jewellery, etcetc hope this answer helps solve ur problem :)
2016-03-17 05:12:37 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋