A question for my atheist friends: how do you set your core values?

Question

I'd really like to know-- I'm not being insulting, as I have many atheist friends who are oftentimes more moral than my Christian friends.
I'd like to know how you set your morals and values-- maybe I can learn something important I can apply to myself.

Thanks!

Brett: No, because I try to live with love towards all, no judgement, only love. I feel its an important way to live regardless of my faith. Its become an integral part of who I am now.

Fireball: Sorry, I thought everyone here realized I am a Christian. I know about my own faith, I wanted to learn something from those who do not believe in any god.

Moraies: I did not assume your values came from any god-- don't assume I am like all Christians.

Answer 1

thought-provoking question ... I tried to actually look inside to see what goes on here .

[first off, I'm not really an athiest, but more of an agnostic, since I don't think anyone can actually "know" if god exists ... the "name" I use was just one of many "alias's" that accidentally got set as my "ANSWERS" id ... ]

back to your question: "core values" for me happened as a bass-ackwards way of copying other people's behaviour .... realize that I tend to WANT TO imitate the people that I admire .. and try to copy actions that made *me* feel good. How else can you ever learn?

Being TOLD what to feel doesn't really cut it .. since I can only maintain *conscious* control of behaviour for a few minutes before reverting to my "core values". (the conscious mind is just too busy to hold "codes" and "rules" ... it needs to rely on the internalized architecture very similar to the "golden rule" arrived at in reverse)

if it felt good to me, I try to extend the same to others ... as long as it doesn't feel too weird doing so.

"trust friends" ... this is the best thing I ever learned in college ... which was where I more or less learned about how to get along with people ... I was kind of a "slow learner" of interpersonal stuff.

most of "morals and values" are "how you treat people"

objects have no feelings ... people do

Answer 2

Well, everyone who is not impaired in some way knows right from wrong, for the most part. If doing something would make you feel guilty, then you shouldn't do it. If something would make you feel good and proud of yourself for doing it, then you should do it.

On top of that, all I figure you need is the golden rule. If you treat others the way you'd like to be treated (with kindness, respect, compassion, understanding, etc.), then you will behave in a moral way.

Also, I personally think that if what you're doing (truly) only involves you, and does not endanger others nor infringe on their (human) rights, then there is nothing wrong with it.

Everything else is shades of grey, where it totally depends on the situation whether something would be moral or not. Even killing can even be a grey area, such as if someone is attacking you and you kill them in self defense, I would say that would not be a "bad" thing to do. Unfortunate, sure, but not morally wrong.

Answer 3

Thanks for asking this question honestly and nicely.

Christianity doesn't have a monopoly on the Golden Rule (I suspect you know this). Treat others as you would like to be treated. This is based in compassion and empathy. Understanding how others feel and react gives a lot of guidance in what is moral behavior. I simply put myself in their place.

There's also this interesting thought from Conversations with God by Neale Walsch: "if you catch yourself committing an ungodly act in the process of doing what was best for you, the error was not in putting yourself first, but in misunderstanding what is best for you." In other words, it helps to see that our relationship with the world around us contributes to our happiness and well-being, and this should be treated with care.

In addition to that, I believe that feelings are the language of the soul (I am an atheist but I do believe in a soul) and that happiness and well-being are highly moral things. When you are experiencing something that makes you vastly unhappy, like a toxic relationship for example, regardless of what social 'duty' says, happiness is more important and it's okay to leave it. I don't think there's anything noble about suffering needlessly. This is a different thing, you understand, than working hard to fulfill one's responsbilities, which I also consider to be morally very important.

In Taoism is it said that a wise person will act with compassion towards his fellow men, because it makes the world a more compassionate place.

For every force there is a counterforce.
Violence, even well intentioned,
always rebounds upon oneself.
.....
Fame or integrity: which is more important?
Money or happiness: which is more valuable?
Success of failure: which is more destructive?

If you look to others for fulfillment,
you will never truly be fulfilled.
If your happiness depends on money,
you will never be happy with yourself.

Be content with what you have;
rejoice in the way things are.
When you realize there is nothing lacking,
the whole world belongs to you.
--Tao Te Ching

Answer 4

Believe it or not many people don't need a book or religion to know good from bad. I'm not an Atheist but I'm not a Christian either. I was raised in a moral home with high standards and values. I've often wondered the same thing. Why do people look to religion to realize good from bad, right from wrong, core values, etc. etc.

Answer 5

I use my reason to determine what makes the most sense and to be honest, I have to say that my morals changed greatly when I became an Atheist (used to be a Christian). What I really think the problem is, is that I don’t believe the bible is a good guideline for morals and I think that deep down inside a lot of Christians have trouble with it (I say this based on self experience).

Answer 6

I practice self improvement at all times. If I know a thing is wrong, I avoid doing it. No church has to tell us what is right and what is wrong. We all know how we would like to be treated and talked to. That's my guide.
I never raise my voice at anybody, not even in the service where I was an infantry officer ( except in marching orders, never in anger ). To me there is no such thing as being primarily honest, truthful,faithful to my wife, etc. If a person is not one hundred percent honest and truthful, he is not honest and truthful at all.
There have been many times that my friends ask me about this. It annoys them that a non-believer can be trusted more than they themselves. My answer is that that's what makes me ME.
I expect no heavenly rewards. I will return to nature from where I came. I will go quite willingly, with no regrets, but I'll leave behind people who will remember me as the most principled person they ever met. This thought does more for me than the dream of "heaven".
You are very very welcome.

Answer 7

I do what is right. I am respectful, compassionate, kind, and loving. But that doesn't mean I am a door mat. If someone is treating me like crap, I can throw it right back at them. My husband and I are teaching our daughter to accept people no matter what they believe or not believe in...not to make fun or look her nose down to anyone. Not to judge people by what they don't have, sexual preference, disablity or judge a book by it's cover.
I was not taught any of this from my christian parents. These are my standards that I try to live by each and every day. And these are standards my daughter will grow up and pass on to her children.

Answer 8

Many of the secular ideas of the 'social contract' influence some atheists. That is the unspoken contract we enter into in order to enjoy the rights of a society of culture, and as such we must take on responsibilities and duties which may seem onerous at times, in order to enjoy the privilege of living in society at all times.

Others take their ideas from the legal system, family-learned values, in absence of religious overtones or undertones, or non-theistic religions such as Buddhism.

Answer 9

I follow these 3 rules:

1: Cause as little harm to others as possible.
2: Ignore that which does not have a direct effect on your life.
3: Respect others until they give you good reason not to.

Application of these 3 rules in a logical manner = true morality.

Answer 10

When I became an atheist, I didn't sit down and make a list of my values and sign it in blood. I live a normal, happy, healthy life just like anyone else. I know what I believe and I am willing to accept the beliefs of others on a non-judgmental basis. I figure as long as I don't kill anyone, I'll be prepared for whatever awaits me in the afterlife...if one exists...