HE hurt me.. or not? I dont know but I am sad. plz need help out here again.?

Question

I had breakup with my bf 1yr back but still we are in touch. meanwhile I am having a family problem and this put me in depression and for a long period i was unawre of my health).
today he called me and said he want to see me online through cam. we were seeing each other after one year and i was so happy caz i still love him and can never able to forget,I was excited that may be he is feeling the same. but when he saw me on the cam he said I am too fat,, ugly and pass comments. it was hurting but i tried to ignore that he is just irritating me. but again he called me and comment badly, said that I was so pretty when we met last (1year back) but now I look bad caz i am fat though he knows that from which circumstances i had passed and with depression I loose interest in activits of life which make me fat. he said he is concern to me so as a friend he ADVICE ME to loose weight. I said okay and disconnected the call.
the thing is not that I am fat or slim. but the thing which upset me that he cant able to understand my feelings. Its hurting me that I looked ugly to him. while MY thinking is that love always see emotions and true feelings but not the external??? I cant understand what to say myself. I am already taking treatment and joined a gym to come back my previous figure but the thing is he dont understand my love but my looks. I am feeling hurt or what? BUt i am sad. Hating myself.
my final exams are coming and i am unable to study caz this thing is distracting me? what u think he realy concern to my health or just making fun of me?

Answer 1

You need to reassure yourself that you are doing good. You made it through a year of depression and now you realized you had it. I bet there is so much you have accomplished and done without even realizing it. Sometimes it's easier to focus on the bad and what we lack and not the good. But this guy sounds like he is really insecure with himself and his feelings and he was trying the old trick of making someone else feel bad to make himself feel good. I bet you would have never done that. You sound caring, very nice and respectful and this guy is the opposite. It should be him feeling bad not you, so don't talk to him anymore, don't waste your time. You have already proven you are much too good for him and alot better person. And it sounds like you are on the right track to getting treatment and back to your size. You do all that for yourself and for nobody else. You will be the winner when it's done and he will lose out on you. There is something I always tell little girls and even the older ones, It's okay to be beautiful on the outside but if you aren't beautiful on the inside, you won't feel any better about yourself. It's true and it sounds like you are already a beautiful person. You are more than your depression and weight, you are a wonderful person.

Answer 2

Hey, some guys don't know the difference between being honest and being rude. You need to ask him why he's talking to you that way and whether he's trying to hurt your feelings or really help you out. Some people just get a kick out of putting others down.
The first thing you have to do is appraise yourself so you cantrace a future for yourself, set some goals, like losing 5 pounds a month or whatever. It is proven that Workouts do help with depression. And the proper diets can do wonders for your mental, emotional disposition. Check out Real Age, Prevention and Beliefnet for some good resources and advice.
Always remember that guys are not THE experts at dealing with women's feelings, OK? That's why all the gender jokes.
Also, as God's creation, you don't need to and shouldn't hate yourself. Life is still ahead and who know how you may blossom.
By the way, you need to keep contacts that will empower and encourage you, not the kind he's giving you.

Answer 3

I think he is just being rude. I think he has done something in his life and is using the rude comments on your looks to justify it. I am not a professional, but my husband did that to me all the time so I would stay with him. He used to tell me that I am so ugly that noone else would want me. He made me eat so freakin' much so I would get fat and be his forever. That is what he said to me. Very abusive mentally and really bad physically. I couldn't get away cause if I did and he found me it was just worse when he drug me home. You do NOT have anything wrong with you, he does and it is mental. You seem like you have a wonderful personality just from reading your post, no matter what he says that right there makes you beautiful all in it's own. There is a saying that Misery loves company. So by degrading you it makes his miserable life seem meaningful. My advice, and just my opinion, drop him!! What I had to do after I made my husband leave cause he stabbed me, I did stomach crunches started off slow and worked up to 50. And I did leg lifts those were my problem areas. I am not fat, but I am not skinny. I have some meat on my bones, and you know what??? I have a boyfriend and have been with him for 2 years now. I have gained weight due to my illness. I have strokes and seizures and the stroke has caused me not to be able to walk at the moment. He always hugs me and kisses me on my forehead. He looks into my eyes and out of the blue tells me how beautiful I am and it just melts my heart. I had a hard time believing it for a while, I wasn't used to a man being nice to me. I used to tell him that he was just saying that because he loved me, and he held me tight and said "No, I am saying it because you are beautiful and I am very lucky to be with you" He is good looking and I felt so down on myself when we got together. I would always tell him that there are a ton of beautiful and skinny girls and asked why he picked me?" He said it was because I am very beautiful on the outside, and my personality makes me gorgeous. You keep your head high and don't let that ignorant man get to you. Trust me. In all honesty I think if I saw you, you are beautiful on the outside as well as the inside. You will find yourself a good man hun, but he is not the one!! I am sorry

Answer 4

Don't talk to that guy any more...he is not for you...he is too shallow...you need a man that would stick by you through weight gain,,,,sickness and in health...he doesn't have enough character too stick by someone...he is bad husband material....find a guy with a heart of gold that loves you for who you are and doesn't give a damn if your fat ,skinny or later become confined to a wheel chair...life has too many changes and we all could lose our health and looks...you gotta find someone that understands it could be him,and you two would stick together through life,children and what ever problems come up....this guy doesn't have good qualities ,...you need a better guy..forget what he thinks about you..you think about him....he is no good for me and I feel sorry for the woman who ends up with him...

Answer 5

He had this picture in his mind of *exactly* how you were when he last saw you. So your changed appearance shocked him, and he might have blurted out some hurtful things.

Take the positive part to heart -- he wants to see you over your depression and back in good physical shape again. That's what you should want for yourself anyway, so finish out your exams and concentrate on your health next!

Then look at the bad part -- he's a bit more shallow than you realized. It's possible for you two to get past this little mistake of his, but find out if the surprise has ruined his feelings for you. If so... better off without him!

Answer 6

Wake up to reality. This guy does not love you. He only wants to get back what he though he had a year ago. If he cared even a little bit, he would not say hurtful things but ask how you are doing and how he can help. He doesn't care about your feelings. He only cares about himself. Forget about him and move on with your life. Your exams are more important than a self-centered ex-boyfiend. Take care of your self for your own sake not for his.

Answer 7

believe me u don't want this guy if he is going to sling names at u and comment about weight, he only wants to love u with conditions, but if he truly loved u there would be no conditions at all. don't hate yourself, just loose some of that weight, we all have put on over the winter, myself included, and find someone who will love u for who u are. don't let his ugly opinion of u define in your mind who u are, think he is a jerk, and later on may have realized what he said was hurtful so he is now trying to change it and say he is concerned, but what he first said is his true feelings, and what he really thinks. dump him, he doesn't deserve u.

Answer 8

You have no reason whatsoever to hate yourself. Just because one @$$hole doesn't think you're pretty anymore. Since when do we care about his opinion, he ended things a year ago, and is so insecure with himself that he has to put you down after a year just to make himself feel better? Cut all ties with this guy immediately. You are intelligent, smart, and probably beautiful (avatars never do us justice). Just because he doesn't think so doesn't mean you have to agree with him. F&%$ him. Since when do we trust his opinion? Don't ever talk to this sad excuse for a human being again. turn to your real friends for support.

Answer 9

Sista.... 1st of all he is a BIG JERK, 2nd even i am going through sumwhat same, i love my GF like anything but she never initiated physical contact with me coz she thinks i am too thin 2her liking! I love her like anything and shows so much emotions but its all a waste.....

So lesson learned - sum people are born loser, who dont have the sense to differentiate between a diamond & a stone....

Dont worry - i guess god always have sum one for us... so lets wait for tht great time to come till then have a safe, tense free life tht do good to you & your family.

Answer 10

First you have to love your self to care about somebody else he sould like a little boy. Dont let no man come between your school work education come first you will find somebody that love you for you kick him to the side drow his trush in the garbage. go luck on your test.