How to explain to my kids whats going on??

Question

Have been married 6 yrs but have had a long standing on an off affair with an ex.bf that i am 100% sure he is father of my 3 yr old son because i was seperated from my hubby when son was concieved had been for 6 months but we moved to try make it work and i never told ex.bf .My relationship with hubby is not good he cheated on me, i cheated on him in retaliation we stayed together for money.My ex.bf highschool sweetheart is married now to somone else for last 4 yrs.Problem is my hubby and i are now divorcing he wants to bring all this info into court.My daughter 5 yrs old will also be getting a paternity test to see if she is my hubbys or not.How can i explain to my kids whats going on?

My hubby signed the b-certificate knowing my son was not his bio-child now wants his name removed from the b-certificate.My hubby is going to try and bring ex.bf to court over this .

Hubby has moved out and says he wants nothing to do with my son but will pay for the daughter if she is his bio-child.

Answer 1

Wow... Since it's gotten so ugly, I would keep it very simple for them. Since you are divorcing and the main impact is that they will no longer see the man they know as their father much if at all, focus on that. "Mommy and Daddy didn't get along. It's better for us to be apart. You did nothing wrong. I love you very much."

The other details are just hurtful and probably too much drama for them to follow at this age anyway.

As they get a little older and keep asking for facts about their Dad, you can fill them in on more of the details. It is going to be hurtful, but you have some time to think about how you want to share this with them.

For now, just make sure they know you are doing what you think is best, that they are not to blame, and that they are loved.

Answer 2

Really, if your kids are that young, you'll be doing more harm than good if you try to explain all this to them. Not only that, but you run the risk of making them feel unwanted by the man they know as their father if you tell them about the paternity tests, birth certificates, etc. My parents got a divorce when I was 3, and there were no real extenuating circumstances like the ones you're describing, but I do know that by my parents not ever really sitting me down and talking to me about it in detail, I was never really too broken up over it. I grew up relatively unscathed by it, and have no commitment or abandonment issues stemming from it, as some children of divorce have. I really think you should keep the information to a minimum, and begin taking them to a child psychiatrist as a preventive measure as soon as you can.

Answer 3

You know what, it's time to come clean with that little girl, and the rest of your kids. And yourself for that matter. Otherwise, you are signing those kids up for an even worse life than the one you've given them and yourself. Tell her that your husband is not her daddy. Introduce her (SLOWLY) to her real father. Get your paperwork straightened out. Stop screwing your ex-boyfriend and get on birth control.

Take 5 years and be single, and spend time WITH YOUR KIDS to help them grow up and understand. Your committment is to them, not to yourself. You had your fun, now it's time to make some big sacrifices to fix that little girl's heart and soul, as well as your other kids.

Most of the time, court officials will remove a child from the room when sensitive issues are brough up. But some day, that girl will be old enough to read and get a hold of those documents and find out for herself. Better to be honest now, tell her what a sh** you've been, and get on the road to a real life.

Your behavior is really hard for me to understand. How could you not want what is good for your kids? For yourself? You deserve a man who will commit to you heart and soul. Your husband deserves the same from you. Your children deserve a mother who is looking out for them, they can do nothing without you. They also deserve a real chance at life, not just survival.

Come on, now. Get your sh** together. Get a job, get a house of your own. Get all these men out of your life. Focus on fixing yourself and these children and understand it will take years.

Answer 4

This question is too big for this forum. It requires professional advise not random opinions. You should contact an attorney and a child therapist. Consult both regarding your options and what is best for your children. Every state in the US has different family laws and you would be ill advised to take advice from anyone on here with so many delicate problems. Get advise from those who can give you accurate information that is where your piece of mind lies. Good luck you can get through this.

Answer 5

Wow, what a messed up situation you created for your kids.

I'd be straight with them about everything, but on their level. Do they know how babies are started? Do they know that mom & dad (or the person who they thought of as 'Dad', anyway) have decided not to be married anymore? Are the two of you being civil & respecting the children's rights to maintain a relationship with both of their parents (or the people that they believe are their parents)? Are you letting the kids know that the divorce is between the adults & that neither adult wishes to end their relationship with the kids?

Start being honest with them now. Better that they know their reality so that they can become comfortable with it. Best that everyone involved just behaves like concerned adults wishing the best for the children.

Answer 6

Tell them that Mummy has been commiting adultry by having an affair with a married man while she has been married to her DADDY?. If the truth comes out alot of people will get hurt and you should have known that . What goes around comes around, shame your poor children have to suffer for your mistakes. If your husband cheated you should have left him!

Answer 7

You're an idiot. You've done a tremendous injustice not telling someone they are a parent of your child. I pity your children, they are the helpless victims here and your selfishness caused it all. They will suffer more than you will ever know. People like you should be forced to be "fixed" like a dog because UNFORTUNATELY, your children will probably grow up to be just like you. One of the previous answers said it all, go see Jerry Springer, he'll know what to do.

Answer 8

First, please don’t be too hard on yourself! You sound like you are the least at fault in the equation, so put away the guilt. It will be damaging for you and you need to have mental clarity to make the right decision regarding your children. IMO, you should wait to tell your children why daddy left, except to say he loves them and are trying to work things out right now. Take it one day at a time and pray for strength and guidance. Things may get nasty, just try to shield your children from what’s going on until you are able to figure things out. I’m sad for your kids that they are going through this. God bless!

Answer 9

wow. explain that you both love them but don't get too into detail about who there daddy is. Hopefully the man that you are married to still wants to be a father figure in their lives. When they are older explain to them exactly what happened. But right now there is no need to explain details as it may hurt them in the long run.

Answer 10

This is why some people aren't meant to be parents. Nice of you to think of your kids, sorry, but I don't blame him for taking this to court, it shows your character, and it isn't going to look good. I don't know what you should tell your kids, you should have thought about that when you were cheating on your husband. Good Luck!!