Should the parents be refunded their money if the wedding is postponed/called off??

Question

The mother of the bride spent under 3k on the brides upcoming wedding (in may) and due to an incident that happened the wedding has been called off, BUT the bride and groom are still together working out their issues and possibly planning a wedding for 2008. The bride and groom also lost their first home last summer in a flood and the mother of the bride told the bride that whatever money she gets from her house, the bride needs to pay back her mother the 3k first and then the bride and groom can have whatever is left (keeping in mind the bride and groom JUST bought a new home in Novemeber and need the money to pay off their bills and expenses). What do you think about this whole situation? Do you think the mother is being ridiculous for wanting her money back (she is selling the items that she bought for the wedding on ebay also so technically she didnt buy some things and they would be paying for something the brides mother already got paid back for) or is she in the right?

The bride and groom are still planning on getting married, they are just trying to get rid of the stress they have had to deal with with losing their home, planning a wedding and getting a new job. I agree to pay her back for the loses she has actually incurred but the mother of the bride has recieved ALL of her deposits back and the bride paid for her dress and has given her mother the items back for her to sell on ebay (the suggestion by her mother). So if the mother is going to basically get her money back, why should the bride and groom suffer even more and pay her back in full when she has already gotten her money back? In response to the bride and groom having a "little dignity", they have plenty and they have been paying for whatever they can afford ontop of fees being incurred for the past year in trying to get their first home taken care of, still making that FULL escrow payment ON TOP OF their new home.

in response to the cocky "blunt" guy-first of all the bride didnt even have "100 pink candles" they didnt even have any decorations because they were trying to make it as cheap and simple on everyone, including the bride and groom who bought their own cake, invitations, tuxedos, dresses, etc. As far as stretching their pockets, that is farther from the truth than you know.

Answer 1

I'm a mother..As for the wedding being postponed.. I 'm truly sorry , that is stress enough. My question being.. why not get married by a justice of the peace, and later have a really nice reception when the situations calm down.. ? .. You do have a lot to deal with now, but, there is no guarantee that in the future or marriage or anytime again soon, more won't happen. Trust me.. My own life has been one disaster after another.. So much i ended up being in Disaster Services.. i felt life had prepared me for that work!!! As much as the two of you are disappointed, so is the mother of the bride. But, if she has received back the deposits, saleing off items on Ebay to retrieve the monies.. which by the way she will not get the same value/ money paid out for back.. and , you say are going to still go ahead with the marriage.. I am shocked !.. I would keep the items purchased if me, be glad got the deposits back.. And, ask only anything that wasn't refunded you both place in a savings acct. for the mom for when you do have the wedding/reception. What happened to both of you, is not your mothers fault, nor responsibility.. she was trying to be a good mom and help with the wedding. Money as you know does not grow on trees. Part of being married is acting like adults, and that means taking responsibility for your own lives now, not the parent/s. I think it is unreasonable for your mom to ask for the whole $3,000. Since you said she did get a portion back.. It should be adjusted accordingly. Please remember it was an Implied GIFT for you based on a certain outcome.. Which has been now in question to the when? or if?... Mom may too have her own financial issues she is struggling to deal with.. don't be blind sighted to think you are the only ones.. i know this is very painful to all parties.. And, i pray you all get centered in what is really the most important thing.. it isn't the gifts, money, etc. it is the relationships and the joy of impending marriage. All of you need to sit down and converse with each other over, calmly.. This can be a good teaching experience for all parties.
If a mom gets the $3,000 from the intended bride and groom, and the refunds for deposits and the monies from selling on Ebay items, she would be making a profit on the pain of her daughters loss.. That to me is not ridiculous but cruel..
If it were me......... as the mom..
I'd of held the items for a future wedding date, got any and all deposits back, asked for the difference paid only. Breaking intended work to be done with caterers etc. doesn't make for great feelings with businesses either. If you had received gifts from other individuals you would have also been expected to return them as well... so be grateful not going through that too!
A possible re-dated wedding date 2 yrs later.. isn't right to squabble over . It is the relationship NOW that counts.. make the best out of it.. The wedding and relationship shouldn't be tarnished over MONEY issues on either side.. Suck it up and be adults.. Good luck to all of you... Be lucky you have a mom who cared enough to become involved and contribute / care to begin with.. some of us don't have that, even with the parent alive.

Answer 2

I think it's a nice gesture on the part of the daughter, but I think the mom in this case is out of line.

The money they get for the house should be able to go towards the next house, etc. If she didn't let them know they would have to pay her back if things went wrong, demanding the top part of the profit they make off selling their home isn't right, since that money needs to go towards the new home.

Selling the items off ebay is a good idea. That should lower the amount she expects back from the daughter.

As I said before, it would be a nice gesture for the daughter and fiance to pay her back, but they should not be, in effect, billed for the cost of the wedding on the part of the mother.

The daughter and fiance should not, under any circumstances, approach her to help pay for their 2008 wedding.

Answer 3

Yes. This is your drama and your mess and your parents have strerched their pockets to give you a decent wedding. If you seem not to be able to make up yoru mind, that's your bussiness, but your parent's finances should not suffer just because you and your man are having issues. Or what... what the mother can do with 100 pink candles???

What about havind some consideration here.

So YES! She is entitled to be refunded for expenses she incurred for a wedding that was called off. You should refund them the money as those expenses where incurred becuase of you.

And please, don't have the nerve to ask for more money on May 2008. Pay for the wedding yourself and see how much your pocket hurts may you change yoru mind yet again.

Good luck

Answer 4

Well, she does have a right to that money. But if she's selling these things on ebay she shouldnt ask for the entire $3,000 back, just her loss after the items have been sold. I think the bride and groom should also be considerate and think that the lady spent her money on them and they do owe her for that. But also they should think that if they are living together they should be married. Liberal union is not a good thing. Not at all. They should uphold the holy sacrament of marriage.

Answer 5

A parent sets up a wedding for their daughter as a gift to she and the groom. She needs to sell off what she can and bite the bullet on the rest.

If the daughter was a decent kid, she would pay her mother back on the quiet the dollar amount of mom's loss (not the entire 3K). (Quiet = Don't go bragging about it or hold it over your mom's head).

Should the daughter ever marry ~~~ mom should pay (if her daughter paid her back for wedding #1) for the new wedding.

If the daughter did not pay mother back she should not expect mom to pay for wedding #2.

What a mess ~~~ let's hope a family doesn't dissolve over this nonsense~~~ money, money, money.

Answer 6

I don't think Mom is being rediculous, but she could be a bit more patient. Sounds like Mom is just pissed! I do think the bride and groom should pay Mom back, allbeit after taking care of their own financial responsibilities, but they should. Mom is grown, obviously enough to be able to pay for a wedding, and bride and groom are just beginning, obviously young enough to want to get married before they were ready. Bridge and groom have some learning to do....they really should pay Mom back, simply out of respect.

Answer 7

It's a tough call. What did the mother pay the $3k for? If they are goods, can't they be used at a future wedding? Can she return them? If she put a down payment toward services, she should get a refund.

The bride/groom should not have to pay her back, but they shouldn't expect her to pay for anything else. Maybe they should treat her to something nice.

Answer 8

What ever is returned for money back she should get the money back. But not the money back and then the daughter still has to pay the full 3K. Whatever is returned should come off of that amount and thent he daughter owes the difference. If it were my child I would probably get my money from any deposits, returns etc. and cut my losses on the rest, sounds like the daughter is going through enough without having to have money owed to mom hanging over her head.

Answer 9

It sounds like the mother is really upset and she is taking it out as vengeful as she can. I understand that she wants money back but I think she should get the difference of what she spent and what she got back. Also, she needs to be a little more understanding and supportive or else the daughter might decide to not even include her in the wedding when they do decide to get married.

Answer 10

I would guess the mother of the bride is the issue that caused the incident! Thank goodness the groom is even still around now (unless it was his fault) with that kind of future MIL That said, she shouldnt be paid back, and does not need to contribute to any future ones.