Is it rude to cancel out on throwing a baby shower, due to too many guest?

Question

I volunteered to throw my friend a baby shower. I have thrown 2 previously with no problems. I asked for the number of guest and she and her husband came up with 80 people. I felt this was not realistic, so I asked how many did they plan on actually showing up. The total was 70. I was at the wedding and there wasn't even 80 people there! Is it wrong of me to ask her to limit it to 20 people or say that since I live out of state the number of guest is too much to handle. I mean where can you throw a baby shower for 70 people at a reasonable cost. I really wanted to throw her a clasy shower with printed invites and matching everything, now I feel I would have to shop at the 99 cent store and cook all the food! LOL

I live in a different state. I also have know this person since high school and know she does not have 40 (her half) people to really invite. So I didn't set a limit I felt she would be reasonable. The last 2 were just fine.

Answer 1

Wow....that's pretty bad on her part. Sounds like she's really pushing for a big load of presents!! I dont' think there is anything wrong with telling her you want to limit it to 20-25 people. If she chooses not to have you throw it....that's her decision!!

The shower is a gift someone gives the expectant mother....so she, hopefully, understand the limits of your gift.

Answer 2

It sounds like you have some very nice plans for a wonderful baby shower for your friend. It's not rude to tell her the truth that you should have set a limit as to how many guests you can accommodate. If she was a good friend, she would understand and just be grateful to have a friend like you who would be so willing to go through all the planning especially when you're out of state. You two should have sat down and talked about this. You assumed she would have a short guest list and she assumed she could invite 80 people. Personally, as the guest of honor, I would have asked how many I could invite but since neither of you did, just talk about it now. Being honest with each other in this case is not rude.

Answer 3

When you first brought it up, you should have stated at that time how many people she should invite, you left it wide open to her interpretation by not doing so (not to mention, she's also taking advantage of your generosity). There are many places to accommodate that many people though. Like a legion hall, VFW, something along those lines, or a park shelter area if its in warmer months. And it seems all showers I've been to, the hostess(es) have cooked the food themselves. It's not so much about the food and decorations as it is to honor the mother and makes sure she gets some necessities needed for the baby. A girl I work with was due the day of my birthday (end of April) and she had her first shower beginning of March - the baby was born shortly after so thankfully she had one shower out of the way, but her and her husband were still scrambling for supplies.

Answer 4

70 or even 80 people at a baby shower is way too many.

You are right, 20 is more reasonable. You can give your friend a wonderfully,classy shower with about 20 people.

Ask her to limit the number of guests to 20. If she refuses, tell her what you told us, that you cannot afford to feed and entertain 70 or more people. You need not go into debt for this.

As for those who cannot attend, another friend or relative can give this woman a shower.

Answer 5

NO do not cancel it. Instead ask her husband for the most important people only and tell him to stay under 40 people or whatever number you are comfortable with. He is a man and therefore does not understand what a baby shower is like. A baby shower is a small party with close family and friends, not the whole world.

Answer 6

Since you live out of state, you obviously aren't going to host this party at your place, so why not turn the tables on her and say "Oh my I didn't realize you were moving into a mansion! I'm bringing the cake and coffee, but the shower is at YOUR house! I do hope all these people will fit!"

Then see how quickly she can whittle down her guest list! :D

You're a good friend... this woman is writing a new page in the Book of Bridezilla... Pregostein :)

Answer 7

It looks like there are some good suggestions here already. Here's an example of something REALLY tacky and rude. I was invited to a baby shower at a restaurant recently. It turned out there were about 25-30 people there. Fine. The servers took our orders, and people ordered whatever they wanted. Then the "hosts" informed us that they were splitting the bill up among the 25 people and we all had to pay about $15.00 each. Several people had ordered several drinks from the bar, and we all had to pay for their drinks. That was really rude and tacky.

Answer 8

It would be rude to back out without speaking to her about it first. It sounds like they are trying to get a lot of free stuff while you foot the bill for hosting the party! That's rude.

Figure out how many people you can reasonably accommodate. Explain the constraints of budget, space and time to your friend. Ask her to trim her list to a more manageable number. If she can't/won't explain that the project is beyond what you can do on your own and bow out.

That's more than fair.

Answer 9

No, not wrong to ask her to limit. Who ever heard of 70 people at a baby shower? You want a number of people that can fit into one room.

Answer 10

Whoa 70 people. You better start getting "Sick" quick! That is SO rude. If they are willing to pay then okay if NOT tell them there is NO way. That is a situation where they are taking TOTAL advantage of you. 70 people for a baby shower, talk about 2 people wanting to get their baby's wardrobe and equipment for free! Good luck!