call from school counselor because she wrote a paragraph about wanting to be a pole dancer when she grows up because they hardly wear any clothes and get to wear make up. It breaks my heart she is beautiful and intelligent and witty but recently has been making remarks about how popular she is and how all the boys like her. I am a stay at home mom who trys to teach my kids morals and manners and how to respect others. Her father and I have been seperated for 7 years now and she has a stepfather who works a lot but we have a great relationship. Is this going on because her father lets her hang out with older children or becasue he is having another baby or what ???? I am desperate fpr answers. I know i need to nip this in the bud now... Teen years aren't that far away.
2007-03-30 06:00:25 · 22 answers · asked by amanda b 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Grade-Schooler
She is in dance and basketball and I am a strict disciplinarian
2007-03-30 06:09:54 · update #1
Thanks everyone . I had a calm con cerned talk with her and she says she thought it would be funny and realizes now that it was a mistake and inappropriate. She goofed. Don't think i am blowing this off and will be taking the advice of the councelor and spending more quality time wiht her.
2007-03-30 09:03:21 · update #2
You are right. This is serious. Try spending time with only her. Monitor the television very closely. My daughter saw Beyonce's video by accident the other day (I had left the tv on in my room and part of her video was on the Today Show). She fell in love with Beyonce instantly. (The video was inappropriate for a girl my daughter's age). Up until that time she had no idea who Beyonce was. My daughter said she wanted to be like Beyonce and really liked her so much. (That was my fault, not Beyonce's.) Since you cannot shield her from everything, talk with her in her style of conversation and do interesting and enjoyable things with only her. Also, very, very, very important...her dad (or stepdad) needs to spend time with her taking her to restaurants, leaving her a rose in the morning, buying her a good book, taking her to an appropriate movie, sporting event, or bike riding and telling her how wonderful she is. He should be her number one cheerleader. That way she does not have to look for inappropriate attention from males. She will get it from the one who matters most. I am no expert, but I truly believe that is what is missing from little girls' lives who seek that kind of attention. (By the way, if dad or stepdad will not do it, older brother, uncle, or friend, can stand in.) And remember to always pray for your children. She is not lost and there are things that you can do. Hang in there!
2007-03-30 06:52:32 · answer #1 · answered by OTOTW 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
How does a girl of the age of nine know about pole dancing? You really need to step back and think about what you did wrong as a parent. It is true that kids today are growing up to fast, it is very disheartening. You need to nip this behavior right now! I think having some counseling....(being able to talk to someone other than you might help her) could help this situation so, you can find the deeper meaning why she wants to aspire to be a pole dancer. It sounds like their is a lack of a father figure in her life your current husband not being around and her real father letting her hang out with older children. Also, lack of discipline she needs to be told that this kinda of behavior is completely unacceptable even for a grown woman. People do not respect pole dancers!
2007-03-30 06:16:51 · answer #2 · answered by missbellacherie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whoa! I sympathize for you. It's probably the older girls she is hanging out with when she visits her dad and what she sees on t.v. That sucks because of course when we were nine we didn't know pole dancers existed. It's a sign of the changing times. I would say get her involved in church and talk to her and let her know that there are so many better professions that pole dancing. It sounds like she is going off of the glamour illusion of that line of work. Make sure she knows the negatives of living that lifestyle as well. Hope that helps!
2007-03-30 06:20:57 · answer #3 · answered by Keetta 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You sound like you're doing a great job. You're there with her, you're concerned about her, you want for her to have good experiences. I think that's terrific.
You know, she's only nine, kids say all sorts of things that they don't mean, sometimes just to get a reaction or sometimes because they're upset about something else and want your attention. I guess you already know that.
Perhaps you could sit down with her, have a hot chocolate or something and, in a trusting and non-judgemental atmosphere, ask her what's going on with her and what she was thinking when she wrote that stuff. You might be surprised at what she says.
Also, maybe it's worth talking with her father and asking him what she's like and who she's with when she's with him?
It's not so easy being a parent sometimes, give yourself a break and remember to laugh with her as often as you can.
Good luck :-)
2007-03-30 08:49:21 · answer #4 · answered by Claudia G 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, unless you're watching this kind of stuff on television (and you don't sound like you would be) she has to be learning about it from school or her father's home. It sounds like the school is doing their due diligence so I suspect the father. I strongly advise you to get to the bottom of this as soon as possible because little girls shouldn't know about this stuff. They shouldn't be seeing their own bodies sexually at that age.
I would have some long talks with your daughter and find out whose been telling her about this stuff and what's been going on. Be non-confrontational and ask her lots of questions. You could even take her out to lunch on a Saturday without anyone else around and have your little talk. Something just doesn't sound right to you and you should be mindful of that. Also talk to her father and see what he thinks about all this. Good luck.
2007-03-30 06:29:16 · answer #5 · answered by Susan G 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to figure out how she even knows about these things. Unfortunately shows like girls next door are on during the daytime on the weekends. The news shows and talk shows also touch on these subjucts. Sometimes we as parents watch things we don't think are bad like maury and other talk shows but our kids pick things up. Our local 5:00 news actually did a segment on pole dancing!! They even sent one of the achors to a class to learn how. This was on while we were eating dinner!!! You also may want to take a look at her friends. You are going to have to talk to her about it and try not to act like you are mad about it. She probably doesnt even know she was doing anything wrong. You will also have to talk things over with her dad and make sure he is watching out for things she could pick up. You could also try and contact the school counselor. Explain the situation they may be able to help. Good luck.
2007-03-30 08:56:51 · answer #6 · answered by Cheyenne 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to have a day with her to just talk about it.About if she knows what a pole dancer really does and how it's against things that you believe. If she wants to do that once she is out of the house then she can u won't love her any less but that it is not something that you wan't her to talk about in your house or any other house untill she is 20. and if she does you can spank her or send her to her room or ground her..
2007-03-30 06:11:11 · answer #7 · answered by Audrinna W 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well from what i can see your daughter wants to wear make up if you look at what she wrote were she says i want to be a pole dancer becuse they hardly wear any clothes and they get to wear make up ! i have a question does she have any of those brats dolls i am 16 and i realy do not like them they are much to hooker like and i personaly think they should be banned becuse of the way these dolls are dressed that mabe why your daughter likes the ideaof becoming a pole dancer ! hope this helps ! God Bless!,Heather
2007-03-30 06:11:10 · answer #8 · answered by must_love_dogs_and_me 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
time to have a long talk about the birds and the bees, and the evil things bad men do. some times children will do the opposite of what their parents tell them, so try to discuss this like a friend and not an all knowing mother, let her think she made the right decision on her own. also remember to lead by example. if your conservative perhaps she will be, if not maybe it would embarrass her if you both went out looking like tramps...... good luck
2007-03-30 06:10:54 · answer #9 · answered by sufferingnomad 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm not saying that you are a bad mother, but I think she needs a good positive female role model (one thats not her mom) in her life. Maybe a cousin or family friend.
Do you dress her in the morning or does she dress herself and sneak off to school? If she is doing the latter then you might want to donate the ugliest, nerdiest looking sweatshirt and sweatpants to the school and tell the principal if she is dressed like a whore then slap on the alternate uniform. It only takes one time being in our schools "alternate uniform" for kids to realize that dressing like a whore is not that cool.
2007-03-30 06:06:44 · answer #10 · answered by alwaysmoose 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋