HELP! I accused her of cheating and now she won't talk to me!?

Question

So I hardly talked to my gf all weekend, but we talked briefly on Saturday, and things were good... it was okay tho, because she was planning her birthday and had a concert thing and found out her friend got killed... I understood that then and now... but somewhere in between then and now, I freaked out and felt like I was being avoided... So I questioned her, and she didn't really understand why there was a problem, and she was like she wanted to talk... but i felt like she was being short, so i ended the conversation. the next day I accused her of cheating again... She told my friend that everything was fine until I got all weird and accused her of cheating... I apologized, and she said it's okay, and that she still loves me, but we still haven't talked. I asked her last night if she was okay and told her i missed her, and she said that she's ok, and just needs time, and that she misses me too... I haven't texted her today because im "giving her time"... am I doing the right thing?

And how long should I wait? and what should my next move be? My friend says i just need to keep apologizing, but im sure that'll get annoying...

We've been dating on and off for like 7 months... We've both cheated on each other before, it was a one time thing for me... she was actually dating someone else... we broke up for a month after that, but she wanted me back, and I, despite my better judgements, went back... things were PERFECT, since we've been back together until this... like it went from Great straight to horrible... like we used to argue at least every other week, and we hadn't argued at all... I accused her by bringing up what happened last time, because to me it seemed similar, she has a "new friend" and she brought up the fact that she was talking to her while we were talking, and i accused her of cheating on me with her... she got pissed at me, and i called her that night, and she was like "im on the phone" and hung up, and she sounded really pissed with me. I'm suspicious because we pretty much have a schedule of when we talk, and she just stopped, so im wondering who has my time now. :-\

I didn't say "You're cheating!" when she told me she was talking to this person, i was like "So is this your new girl?" and she was like "sure" and i was like "no it's a serious question" and she said "no, i just met her we're just friends" and then i said "so is this why you haven't have time to talk to me?" and she said "it's not like you've tried to talk to me either"... and then i said "so i guess this is like last time then"... and she was like "not at all" and i was like "i know how this ends" and she said something to the effect of "it's not gonna end like that, we're gonna be ok"... and i kept being a smart ***, and she was like "whatever, believe what you want, im leaving bye"

Wednesday night, I texted her when she came from her friend's viewing, and she was upset, I asked if she wanted to talk, and she said not really... She apologized for everything that has been going on between us, and said she was going to bed... So I'm thinking maybe she has been upset about her friend, since she brought up our issues while we were talking about her dealing with her friend being killed.

Answer 1

sounds like you dont trust her, has she cheated on you before? but yeah, sounds like time is the answer, you hurt her feelings.

Answer 2

Have you been together very long? Did you barrage her with questions or was it an innocent 1 or 2 question conversation? Did you name a specific person, accuse her of having sex with someone or just spending time with someone? She's obviously having doubts about your relationship or is just plain annoyed with the pestering. As a rule of thumb a completely innocent person doesn't get all bent out of shape if you have a momentary lapse of trust and ask her about another guy if you have good reasons for it.

What would make you think she's cheating? Has your sex life changed? Is she moody and short with you? Is she more distant when you are together? Does she hide her phone or turn it off when you're around? Does she go out to the clubs a lot? Does she have male "friends" you haven't met and she doesn't bring around you? Ask yourself those questions and decide why you would think that she's cheating or if you were just venting.

It very well could be her personal circumstances but she could also be using that as an excuse to make a comfortable exit out of the relationship. You could be totally wrong, but the way she's reacting isn't appropriate if she hasn't done anything, loves you and wants to continue in your relationship.

Don't keep apologizing unless you did something really wrong like screamed at her and called her a lying whore or something! If she doesn't come around in a day or 2, send her a text or email and just say you're wanting to catch up and find out what's going on with her. Let her know you're concerned but don't act all clingy and desperate like you have no other life away from her. Let her know that you've been busy with your friends and family too but that you'd like to reconnect. Leave the ball in her court and if she's still being weird, it's probably best for you to move on. Don't be a jerk but tell her you think it would be best if you spent some time away from eachother because it's too difficult to deal with that kind of drama. If she's not going to communicate with you, you can't force her. You're doing the right thing by giving her the space she asked for. The less you chase her the quicker she'll come around if she's going to at all.

Good luck!

Answer 3

Okay, calm down and stop freaking out. You want "your old girlfriend" back and that's understandable, but it is like standing at the counter of the mechanic waiting for your car. It won't get fixed any faster and if they do rush it the it won't neccesarily be fixed right.

How long do you wait? you wait as long as it will take.

What do you do? Stop being a stress-puppy and calm down. Tell her you are sorry maybe one more time and assure her it won't happen again (and MEAN it.)

What can you do to help? Tell her you feel really bad about all the stuff that has been happening and apologise for adding to it. Give her a date...say a week from now... when you'll call back to check on her (so she doesn't freak out wondering why you aren't calling) and tell her if she wants to call you before that to get together then that would be cool.

If she doesn't call, it is because she isn't ready. Call her when you said you'd call and tell her you miss her. Ask about her and her family. Make this whole call about her (not you). And offer to get together in the next day or so. If she says no, then you might begin to worry. If she says no, but offers an alternative, you are good.

A word of advice...unless you have solid evidence of cheating -- and I mean pictures, notes, letters, caught in the act, or otherwise credible witnesses, then don't ever accuse her of cheating (same to you ladies). Turning a suspicion into infidelity is a sure way to kill the mood in any relationship. It might take weeks or months to patch it up if you are wrong.

If you have a suspicion approach it like this:
"I am confused. I don't understand why (the basis for your suspicion) is happeneing. Can you please help me to understand it? I am having terrible feelings and unfair thoughts about it."

This makes it clear that you don't like it, and that you might be thinking things. But don't say "I think you are cheating" unless she says "What kind of unfair thoughts?" at that point it is all theoretical. If she gets upset, tell her "I don't want to beleive it, but if you could explain it would ease my mind." It's pretty simple to put the burden of proof back on her. Then the reasons all are becasue of her not you. Whereas if you ask bluntly "Are you cheating?" then you are the one with the problem. Does this make sense?

So, to recap:
1) Apologise for preassuring her when she's having a bad time.
2) Set a date you will contact her, but be sure she knows she can contact you any time.
3) Contact her on that date and try to set something up.
4) Don't be a jerk, but instead ask for understanding from your partner.

Have a great life!

Answer 4

Never accuse a loved one of cheating unless you have solid proof. Accusing without proof shows a lack of trust. Without trust you do not have a worthy relationship.

Also "giving time" usually means someone else is involved. If you are not able to resolve problems between each other verbally, it is not a healthy relationship. If you are guessing more than loving, it is time to move on.

Answer 5

yea she cheated i would not call until she calls you it sounds like this realtionship is head for the deep end of the pool

Answer 6

Good luck. Her friend got killed and you were buggung her? What an insensitive jerk!

Answer 7

if her friend just died her drama with you is not important.

if you care about her check in with her daily to see how she's doing and if she needs any support from you.

when she's ready to deal with you she will.

Answer 8

STOP..if you think she cheated..she did...run.....and you apoligised so stop doing that.............OR maybe she is just upset about the person dying...give her space..let her call you...leave her alone../..

Answer 9

you said that you already said you were sorry. i would not do it again. maybe there is something she is not telling you if she got all defensive!

Answer 10

You no the thing i hate most is when you accused of soomething and your not even close to doing wat you were accused of Im not sayin this is the same in you relationship but think about it wat if she did exactly wat u did to her wat would u do wat u feel.