My Son's Teacher Doesn't Like Him?

Question

He's not an apt pupil, he doesn't pay attention, etc. But she will give him homework alerts if he does it wrong (which is scary, because I help him!), she seems very punitive. She wants him to stop(!) seeing a reading tutor. I'm all, but then, won't he fall behind even more? And I'm not supposed to help him but she's still mad at him even when we check his work. When he is good she doesn't see it and is convinced that it's only because he's sneaky. Finally at the conference I said, "All the other authority figures and teachers in his life have no problem with him. Perhaps it's a personality conflict." This is after 20 minutes of her not having one good thing to say about him. (the one good thing was just used to make a point of how bad he usually does.) There's only a few months to go. Should I do anything *now*? How can I advise my son to turn it around with this woman? Or do I forget it at this point?

He's a nine year old in the third grade. My husband is on the side of the teacher, so I'll feel like an idiot if there's no "united front". There IS a point to what she's saying. However, the negative attitude, homework alerts, and not assuming goodness can't be helping him. Maybe emails to the principle and teacher would help instead of one big heated meeting..?

Answer 1

I'm a mother of three and I've never had this happen to any of my children, but I remember this happening to me when I was in the 7th grade. I had some trouble in school, but a lot of difficulty in science class, mainly because of my teacher. My science teacher had a very low tolerance for me. He'd refuse to help me when I had a question b/c he believed I just wanted attention, showed my failing test grades to the class and always picked out the littlest mistakes on my homework papers while he let other kids’ mistakes slide by. I tried my hardest in the class, but it never made a difference to him. One day my mother had a sit down conference with all my 7th grade teachers, my father, myself and herself. Everyone of my teachers told my mom how I did well in school except for my science teacher. He it was his turn to speak, he couldn't come up with one good thing to say. My mother cut him off and told him this: "You don't have to like my daughter, and personally I don't think she likes you very much either, but You're the adult. You're the teacher. You either treat her fairly, or I'll have no problem taking it up with the school.” My father believed what my mother was doing was wrong, and if it came down to him to fix this issue, nothing would have been fixed. My mom spoke to someone in the school and the science teacher changed his behavior toward me. My brother had him 3 years later for science and he treated my brother like a king.
As I kid, I was upset over the situation, as your son probably is. It's very frustrating trying to correct bad habits/behaviors to make a good impression on someone and not be believed. I would collect homeworks that your son gets homework alerts on and take them to someone in the school, (a dean, principle, superintendent) who can help you with this conflict. Explain how you believe that your son isn't being treated fairly in the classroom and how the teacher isn't acting professional. Be forceful while still being polite. Make sure some kind of decision is made on what is to be done before you leave the person's office. Chances are this teacher has acted in this matter with other children in the past and no parent has said anything.
No matter how well your son behaves in school, it's not going to change his teacher's attitude towards him. Keep helping him with his homework when he needs help and allow him to continue to see a reading tutor. Who is she to say for him not to continue seeing one in the first place? In addition, i would talk to him about the situation you are in with his teacher. Teach him how some teacher's simply aren't fair and how when he's older, he's going to have to learn to speak to you or to the teacher about these types of problems.
You're a wonderful mother for standing up to his teacher. I know a lot of mom's who are too afraid to do anything and just say "well, my kid only has to deal with this teacher for only a little while longer". Good luck and best wishes to you and your son =]

Answer 2

Emails to the principal won't help. Do you know how many emails they get on a daily basis? The best idea is to have a sit down conference with the principal, the teacher, both you and your husband, and the school counselor. You may want to set this up through a phone call to the principal during which you can explain your real concern (that the teacher is biased) before having the meeting.

If your husband is on the side of the teacher, you should talk with him before everything as well. WHY is he siding with her? Could it be that what she is saying is completely legitimate and you're just having a hard time seeing it because he's your son? No parent wants to think poorly of their child, so it's often parents who are the last to see the problems.

What is a homework alert? Is that like a, "Gee, you really suck at this- what's your problem?" sort of thing, or is it more of a, "You need to take your time and put forth more effort on this assignment?" If you're helping him with the homework and he's still having problems with it, then maybe YOU shouldn't help him with it.

What is her reason for wanting him to stop seeing a tutor? I feel like if I had more information I could give you a better answer. I like that you asked if it was too late to do anything since it's so close to the end of school. It's never too late. Even if nothing is fixed this year, you will at least have more information going into next year. Don't forget everything. Keep trying hard to help your son, even if that means not always "siding" with him. Best wishes!

Answer 3

I think it is good the teacher is sending homework alerts and giving you input.I was curious as to why she wants you to stop the reading tutor. If she hasn't given you a reason I'd ask for an explanation.Do you think that because it is your son the teacher is talking about you are reading more into it than is intended. Is it possible your son is feeding off your negative impressions of the teacher? Did you ask your husband why he supports the teacher? Has your son ever been evaluated for behavioural or learning issues? When he does his homework are you doing it all or do you let him do it so you can see what he knows?Does your son produce in the classroom? How do his report cards compare from year to year? There just seems to be some information missing .here.

Answer 4

Wow! I here of teachers like that every now and then. I would call in the principal and request a meeting with the teacher too at the same time. Get to the bottom of this. Also talk to the other teachers and have them write a letter for you stating that they aren't having a problem and haven't noticed anything for this teacher to be upset about. Also talk to other parents and find out if they are having problems. It is surprising to hear what others sometimes have to say. People aften don't want to cause conflict but if you don't stand up for your child no one else will either. Good Luck

Answer 5

You must keep with his reading tutor and helping him. I have a son who is ADHD and ODD. I am speaking from my heart i know what your feeling. I have had to go with this twice in 11 years with him and the two teachers.

This is a good life lesson for him. You all ready spoke to her and it did not work. (Myself i talked to the principal and the super of the schools. Mine is in High school now ) You have very little time with this teacher left. Talk to your son about this will happen for the rest of his life. All people do not get along.

But i would still write a letter to your head board of education. It will be in writing and they must bring it up in meeting at the end of the year. this is the best time for them. Because she may have to take a class herself to teach next year if she has had other complaints.

Good luck Hun. Stick to your guns on whatever you decide.

Answer 6

I had a teacher like that and i was a pretty good kid. It ws third grade. I read and understood the hobbit, but got a b- in reading. She told my mom that she preferred little boys over little girls. It sucked, but he'll get over it and have stories about it. Keep him with the tutor. Talk to the principal if he/she seems nice(like they would listen). I have had some really bad principals too...

Answer 7

In fifth grade, I had a teacher like that, but not so bad. My mom took me to the parent teacher conference and the next day she told me if I hadn't been there, she'd have told my mom how I really was. I don't think I was any worse than any other kid in the class. And I had a crush on her. She was hot, but she didn't like me. Ah well, you can't win 'em all. Forget this hag. Do the best for your kid, though.

Answer 8

I am guessing that your son doesn't like this teacher either. It just may be that he antagonizes her on a daily basis. There are personality conflicts that do play into teacher/ student relationships. Don't do anything about it. It is teaching him a lesson for life. We will always have personality conflicts with people. You must learn to get along with people you don't really like. It is one of those facts of life.

Answer 9

My nephew gets in trouble in school because he's constantly reading. They will have reading time and he gets so engrossed in his book he won't hear when it's over and time to move on. Instead of the teacher coming over and telling him he just gets bad reports. Some teachers are like this, instead of helping smart outgoing children they look down on them and treat them like crap. Teachers need to use different techniques for different kids. I say get him out of that class fast, you don't need your child to get treated like that!

Answer 10

I just went through this with my son's kindergarden teacher, we switched schools mid year. I had his preschool teachers as witnesses as well. It was a similar situation. Picked on him, constantly put him down him, etc. I talked to her and then the principal, both of whom almost baby talked me. I was done. Found a better school, switched and his is doing better..........still adjusting from having a bad teacher to having a good one...........but he is getting better.