I need military (mostly Navy) advice ..?

Question

I am in the process of divorcing my husband for abuse over the last year. He would hit me whenever he got mad, then never apologize, but after he broke my nose, I'd had enough. Now, we just went through civilian courts yesterday for Assault and Battery and Violation of a Protection Order, and all he got was 14 days suspended for 2 years good behavior. And his command is doing nothing except making him go to conseling and anger management. Is there any way to get my command to make his command do something more to him? Because if they let him off this easy, he will do it again. He sees nothing wrong and feels he "did his time" which was not even 4 days in jail.

I don't understand why I should be the only one to suffer. I get verbally, emotionally, sexually, and physically abused for a year, and he gets off without even a slap on the wrist. Please help me find something to do so maybe he will realize that what he did is wrong. I would hate for someone else to go through this with him

Yes, I am in the Navy too. We live in seperate houses, and the only time we see each other is when he gives me money for our daughter's babysitter, or when he is taking her for the weekend and dropping her off. I honestly never told anyone about the sexually assault because I didn't realize that's what it was until I went to my conseling thing the other day. I never realized guilting me into it or trying to force me to do something I didn't want was considered that. But, I haven't yet been back to work since yesterday because I was such a wreck, I couldn't imagine going in. When I do go back in (which won't be until Wed, 'cause I have a lot of other stuff to do) I want to be able to storm into my Division Officer's office and be like "I need you to fry his ***!" But, I doubt that would work.

Thanks for all the answers so far!

Answer 1

Whoa!, the last response was way outta line! The Navy should and will get involved. My advice would be to talk to your Command Master Chief, as well as your LCPO. I guarantee that they will get involved. If they don't then they'll get in alot of trouble. his command should have his *** at mast, restricted, busted and loss of pay.

Answer 2

The Navy is not going to get involved nor should they. We are a military service in the business of fighting wars and protecting the country, not fixing jacked up marriages. If the Navy got involved in every jacked up marriage our ships would never move an inch from the pier. Your marrige is a civil matter which is being taken care of in the courts where it should be. Don't spoil yourself into thinking that the Navy should fix everything wrong with your life. You chose to marry him, maybe too quickly and you didn't know him well enough, that is a common military practice. That is not the Navy;s fault either. I know what you are going through sucks,. but the Navy is his job and it is your job. Do you think the people that work at Walmart or McDonald's have their managers call another McDonald's or Walmart to discuss and or fix the behavior of one of their employees when it has nothing to do with their employment with the company? They don't and shouldn't expect or even ask your command to call his command to fix yours and your husbands home issues. If he hit you, raped you, yelled at you, whatever you should have called the police. That is what law enforcement is all about. Not the US Navy. Get out of the mindset of the Navy is there to play yard duty like in elementary school. Each command has other work to do. Get a lawyer and get divorced and in the process try not to destroy your childs life. Don't worry about him and his future dates. If they are stupid enough not to see the true him they will suffer too and may learn something. To get your life right you need to get divorced and move on for both you and your childs sake. The best revenge you can have is success in your own life without him.

Answer 3

If you plan on getting a divorce anyway, what is keeping you near him? I'd move away, maybe to another state. If he is ordered to pay alimony, that can go through the court system, and he would never find out where the checks are being sent to. In fact, you can get a post office box as a mailing address, to protect you further.
Don't be so sure that nothing is happening to him. I'd bet my last dollar that his performance record reflects that he spent time in jail, and he won't be allowed to re-enlist, so, you know that his career is basically over.
Do yourself a favor and get away from him as soon as you can.

Answer 4

Sadly, there is nothing more you can do (legally) except the restraining order. Have you filed for divorce? Maybe you could be transferred to another base and complete the divorce papers states away. Also, it would be wise to see a counselor for yourself.

Abusers will only change when they themselves see the wrong that they do and really have a desire to change. So, if you're looking for a quick fix here, it will not work. If he doesn't see what he's doing as wrong after attending anger management and counseling, then there's little hope for him. Someone that insecure, selfish, and immature will never see themselves as the abuser. They view themselves as a victim, so they see things that others do as potential attacks, and they justify the abuse as self-defense. In order for him to change, he will have to take down this wall, leaving himself vulnerable. You cannot make that happen.

Answer 5

Im a retired marine and that i very almost subsidized out till i found out what's the worst which will ensue? i'm going to die? i'm going to be wounded? Odds are you have a similar threat of being shot right here interior the U. S. as you do in a conflict. I say choose for it via fact it made me a much better individual, a much better husband, and a much better father, alongside with something no longer all and sundry can or would be, a united states of america Marine.

Answer 6

#1 He has stood trial. And you are divorcing him.

With that said, you should know how the Military and Civilian courts work. You can't be prosecuted twice!!!

Example: My recruiter was popped for drugs by local police. He was given a choice of Civilian or Military courts. He took civilian. Was out in 90 days, then processed out (by Military) for drug usaged....not possesion.

If he does it again....the 2 years kicks in, plus additional time for the second incident.

In responce to your comment of being abused for a year....did you press charges on day one, or put up with it for that year??

Answer 7

Seems to me, if he's off on GOOD BEHAVIOR, one more instance and he goes away to jail. You might want to check on that part. Have you got a restraining order on him? It won't keep him away if he's nuts enough, but if he violates it, his can is in the slammer.
My sympathy is with you. I have nothing but disgust for a male (not a MAN) who will beat and othewise assault a woman. I personally feel they should be treated like dogs that attack people. But, that wouldn't be humane (gagg).

Answer 8

Does he have to register as a sexual offender? If he sexually abused you, then I would think he would have to? That would follow/haunt him for the rest of his life. If not, is this considered a felony conviction? That would also follow/haunt him for the rest of his life. One felony on your record and getting a job is almost impossible.

Does he have to pay you alimony?

Answer 9

Go through your chain of command, and family services.

Answer 10

are you in the navy too?

are either of you officers?

request a transfer.