i am not mormon and dating a mormon, i need some advice.?

Question

Ok well first off i am a single mom who has already been divorced.. and now raising my 11 month old son.. i am christian, and was raised that way. i do believe it's good to raise your children in your religon.. but i don't want him to think any other religon is wrong, that's for him to decide when he grows up.. ok so that's a little about me.. now i am dating a guy who is mormon.. and he has no problem dating me, or kissing me, any of those things.. even eventually getting romantically involved. but my question is.. is this all ok, i mean if i ever got married to a mormon, i would never become mormon, and i wouldn't raise my son that way. how would all of that work.. i have asked him about the way things work about marrying someone who isn't mormon, and he told me, it doesn't matter what the person is, mormon or not, if you love them, then people will except that you are both different. if we ever had kids. what religon would they be. i am not against his beliefs.

also.. his parents are really into there religon, and they live in utah, and i am afraid that they arn't going to accept that i am not mormon.. how do i deal w/ all of that. i guess i just can't worry about it right? because i have nothing against the religon, i just want to be excepted by everyone i guess.

also. just if this matters.. i am 22 and he is 26.

Answer 1

I was (and still am) a very active Mormon who married a very in-active Mormon...I will be honest, it was hard. I wanted a temple marriage and he wasn't ready for that...eventually we were sealed in the temple. Talk to him about that, if he really loves you, he will want that. But, if he really loves you, he also won't push it on you... hope that makes sense.
It would be hard with kids, I know a couple in my ward (church) that the wife is baptist and the husband is very active LDS, the kids come to church with him about every other week...so maybe something like that could work, so your kids could see both religions. You could also go with him just to see what is taught and just get to know more about the religion - he as well could go with you.
Marriage, successful marriage, is built upon love, understanding, compromise, trust, communication and many other things. Good luck to you.

Answer 2

It is definitely something to worry about, however it can work.

I am Mormon, but my wife is agnostic. We have an 11 mo. old son also. When we began dating religion was an issue, but we talked about and we basically agreed to disagree. That does not mean it won't continue to come up, because it will. Religion is one of the most important things in life to many people, and it is especially a part of Mormons' lives. My wife and I respect each other and our choices. I go to church every sunday and she doesn't. We will both be open with our son about our views on religion and then we agree we will respect him and his choices. But, it isn't that simple. Children don't make wise choices, and parents should have responsibility in shaping the spirituality of their children. How this will happen can cause issues in relationships like ours.

The most important this is that neither person expects the other to change and is respectful of the choice to believe as they do. You must also openly communicate about it. No matter what it will always be an additional hurdle in the relationship, and at times a large one. Family will and can cause extra tension and Mormon families are especially protective of their children and desire they continue in the faith. Be ready for that and if you can't, then I wouldn't get involved. If you are both secure with your faiths and realize that, then proceed. There is no perfect answer because only you two can determine the long term success. Good luck.

Edit: You also posted another and similar question...Even though you aren't Mormon and believe differently this does not mean they won't accept you. My family (albeit only my mother is Mormon) is very accepting of my wife, but she does at times feel like they hold stuff against her. Don't feel like a victim or anything, just be confident in who you are.

Answer 3

I would second what everyone else has said. However, you need to be careful that no one's faith is put down or anything. No matter what good feelings you have about Mormons and the LDS Church (even tho you don't believe), might not be shared by others that your children come into contact with. Likewise, there are no doubt some Mormons who are not above taking shots at other religions.

Answer 4

The politically correct answer is, yes mormon men are probably the sweetest guys on the planet. Most try to lead honest and moral lives, and are good neighbors. However, it is the church organization itself that is suspect. You will be *constantly* proselytized to join, and you Will NEVER be accepted to the other LDS wives until you're converted. Women are placed in a subservient position that holds less authority than a 12-year-old boy. The "Plan of Salvation" spells out your future as not only a plural wife, but eternally pregnant making "spirit children" forever (the logic of this escapes me, but it's doctrine). Learn about the history of this malignant organization before you commit to an eternity of bullsh!t dogma.
Marrying a mormon man is no problem. What will tear it apart is the church itself.

Answer 5

First, as a Mormon, I would tell you that no one in the Mormon church is going to force you to change your beliefs to accomodate theirs. We believe that belief is a totally personal decision. I would suggest to you two things. First, do some research as to what Mormons believe. Talk to the missionaries...I'm not saying get baptized...but if you understand what he believes, you will understand him better.

Second (and I mean this with all respect) don't date him. Really! I grew up in a home with two religions and it was so terribly confusing and caused all sorts of contention and problems. My parents nearly divorced twice (thank Heaven they didn't) but it was so hard on their relationship and so confusing for myself and my sibblings. Mom's family teaches me this, but Dad's family teaches me that. What do I do now? The result was that I chose to be a Mormon, alienating much of my dad's family. My brother chose my dad's faith, alienating my mom's. Either way there were hurt feelings and they still persist. In fact, a cousin asked me just this last January if I had married a Mormon...I thought that she knew me better than that...and when I told her that I had, she seemed pretty upset.

It's really unfortunate that something that is supposed to make us better people ends up making us angry and hurt with each other.

I would tell you this if you were dating a Mormon or a Muslim or a Jew or a Wiccan...don't date and marry outside your faith. Marriage is hard enough without adding in complications.

Answer 6

Hi - I'm LDS and dated a guy who was not LDS and who actually joined the church before we got married. However, my parents have a similar story to yours - my mom was a single mom with two girls (myself and my older sister) and she met my dad who was LDS and she was Baptist. They dated and married (outside the temple of course) and had a wonderful marriage where my dad continued to attend his church and we attended the Baptist church (my mother insisted before getting married that she wanted to raise her children Baptist). Well, if you know anything about the Baptist religion, they tend to be very critical of the Mormon faith and so we heard a lot of really awful things growing up about the Mormons. Because my dad was a Mormon, it was difficult to reconcile the crazy things we were hearing with the way that he was. My mom decided to take the missionary discussions as a way to find out directly from the source what the Mormons believed. To make a very long story short, we decided to join the church - I was 14 at the time. My point in sharing that story with you is just to say that regardless of your religious preference or beliefs, if you truly love each other for the right reasons chances are good you can make it work.

Having said that, the Mormon faith is often very confusing to outsiders. One of the main reasons is that Mormons are, in fact, encouraged to marry within their faith. There are many reasons for this, some way too complicated for a message board, but one of the main ones is that we believe we can be sealed as a family together for time and all eternity. To do that, we need to be married in the temple and our children will be born under that covenant (or promise). Existing children, such as your son, would be under that covenant as well. There is no covenant made when married outside the temple - marriages are just like those in other faiths in that instance - until death do you part. Mormons put a HUGE emphasis on family, and one of the biggest things that set us apart from other faiths is that we believe that families can be together for the rest of eternity. That is why marriage in the temple is so important.

Certainly there are many LDS people who do not marry other LDS people or, even if they do, do not get married in the temple. It is true that no matter where you go, you are going to run into judgmental people who do not understand or who want to put you in a certain category because you are not LDS. But please believe that this is the exception and not the rule. Most LDS people are kind, loving, generous and perfectly normal. They work hard, love their children, have friendships with their neighbors and co-workers and lots of people who aren't Mormon, and respect other faiths. As far as your boyfriend's family, its hard to say how they might react. Any reaction other than love and acceptance probably will just stem from fear and wanting the very best future for their son. But I am sure once they got to know you well and understood that you have nothing against the faith and won't encourage their son to stop going to church or what have you, any fears they might have will dissipate. If you love this guy and want to move forward with a serious commitment, I suggest that whatever faith you are you simply pray and think about it and determine if marriage is right for you.

Marriage is complex and can be difficult, as I am sure you have already experienced. Sometimes bringing challenges into the marriage makes it harder than it otherwise would be. But there is no guarantee that a Mormon marrying a Mormon or a Baptist marrying a Baptist or a Jew marrying a Jew will have any more success than anyone else out there. As for your child and/or future children, the best advice I can give is to have an upfront discussion about how you both want to handle that moving forward and stick to it. You are right to believe that your children should have the opportunity to learn and grow for themselves, and your boyfriend should agree with that.

Good luck to you, and if you have any additional questions please email me directly and we can discuss. I feel for your situation and hope for the best for you and your small son.
Regards,
[e-mail]

Answer 7

Why don't you just talk to your boyfriend and ask him? That's a better indication of what might happen than posting your question on the internet. You can't say that all Mormons think the say thing. It's up to him. And you think your future in-laws won't like you because you're not a Mormon? Give them a chance. Meet them. Don't stereotype them without meeting them.

Answer 8

I think that long term happiness would be difficult if you were to marry mormon guy. Instead of figuring that you would become mormon, ask him if he would become whatever religion you are. Research the mormon church, the book of mormon, the book of abraham, etc. Read and research the mormon church before you go too far with this guy. It is a church filled with wonderful people but it is a very different religion with very different beliefs.

Answer 9

Marriage is difficult for every one. Having 2 strong and different religious beliefs is another hurdle. This applies to any faith, Jewish, Hindu, Catholic, etc. If you both go into a relationship with the ground rules set and agreed that is the most important step. Go in advance to each others churches so that you understand each other. The LDS family and friends will naturally try to sway you. If you take it in a positive way, all will be fine. If you resent and push back, it will not. If you recognize he is the one you love because of his background and faith, you will allow him to continue in it, and he should give you the same freedom.

Remember not to protest too strongly. As soon as someone says they will never consider converting, Heavenly Father may just put it in their heart.

Answer 10

*Every* non-Mormon I know who dated a Mormon and then married converted to Mormonism. I've never heard of a non-Mormon and a practising Mormon getting married.

That said, one Mormon family I'm very close to is *not* shunning their son who has refused to do his 2 years of service. The father was going to kick him out and shun him but the mother (she was not Mormon before converting so they could get married 20+ years ago) put her foot down and said that wasn't right.

My point is *maybe* there is the leeway but I've never seen a marriage happen with mixed-religions when one was Mormon.