I have been with my boyfriend almost half a year. he is in the army so is very used to telling people what to do. also extremely disciplined. He is always bossing me around saying do this now! u hear me!, or do that, otherwise he sais "oh so its all about you". we are both 18. he has the maturity of a 30 year old, and i'm tryin to graduate. he has admitted he is self oriented and has a temper. I don't know if I can deal with the temper, controllingness, and so forth. I do love him, we have talked about it, and he says hes trying to change. but i'm tired of being told what to do. aside from this, hes almost perfect, so i'm lost. what should I do?
p.s hes never hurt me physically
2007-03-30 04:08:35 · 9 answers · asked by princess 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
it's all about control, you didn't know? "aside from this, he's almost perfect"??? okay. if i took a picture, i bet i'd see his perfection too, but if i read the book, i might get an entirely different story, huh?
it's all about control. and the minute you act like you've got the slightest bit of working brain cells, his control tactics will worsen. he may not realize just how controlling he is. and if he's not careful and/or doesn't get some help, things will worsen.
he cannot have the "maturity of a 30 year old" if he's eighteen, even if he does act older. acting is not being...they are two separate things.
he may be trying to change, but it will not work if he's not trying for himself. if he's going to try to change for you, it's hopeless. he's got to want that change in himself. and if you sit around thinking that you can do or say something to change someone's actions/mind, then you are the dummy. you cannot change anyone's thinking or actions. you do not have that kind of power over anyone's mind.
and to your "p.s." - he WILL hurt you physically when he feels like he's lost total control.
"when someone shows you who they are....believe them!"
2007-03-30 04:36:31 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Did you say maturity of a 30 year old? Sounds more like a bratty 3 year old to me? This is not a healthy relationship, and realizing he has a temper is not the same as changing his temperament. Sometimes it takes hitting rock bottom for people to change and he may need to lose somebody really important to him before he can come to grips with his problem. You need to tell him you will leave him if it doesn't stop, and you need to follow through with it if it doesn't. Idle threats will get you nowhere, and if it's over so be it. You're young, you'll find somebody else, you have time. You should be enjoying life at your age, not dealing with these sort of serious issues.
2007-03-30 04:17:14 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This BOY (not a man) does NOT have the maturity of a 30 year old. He's 18, and guys mature slower than girls, so he's actually at the maturity level of a 16 year old. He's trying to come across as having the maturity of a 30 year old, but he's faking it. Guys don't change. Guys like that (trust me I dated one for 2 1/2 years) stay self-centered. He's trying to make himself feel better by putting you down. Break up with him, you deserve better. Plus if you're going to college, then you'll meet someone better there. TRUST ME.
2007-03-30 04:15:13 · answer #3 · answered by GLSigma3 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not want to spend the rest of my time being told what to do like a child.....and that desire to be treated with respect will grow the older you get. It might seem nice that he is so mature but what about respectful?
You are equals and he needs to treat you as such. Since he is a military man, tell him that his constant bossiness is like another officer who is not HIS superior always telling HIM what to do....how would he like it? Chances are he would not.....so he should not expect you to just accept it.
If he says he is going to work on it than call him on it every single time he bosses you so is aware of just how often this is happening....otherwise your bossy bf will be a bossy husband and you will be a housewife with no independance, freedom or say of your own. Trust me....that ain't fun.
2007-03-30 04:15:23 · answer #4 · answered by Clarissa 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have fate in him that he can change that then you can only wait. You can always help him out if you want to as well. Just keep reminding him that you are being to bossy. Or even like threaten to break up with him so he might realise that he has to change. I mean it isnt worth a relationship if he is going to boss you around and make you do things you dont want to do. You cant live your life like that.
2007-03-30 04:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by JK 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
honestly i think you should tell him he needs to stop telling you what to do cauz you cant and wont take it any longer and if he relly loves you than he will learn to change real quick or your out the door cauz your young and theres plenty of men out their that will treat you write and the other thing you might wanna be carful and look for red flags in the future cauz he might not be like it now but hes showin signs of an abusive relationship a lil but if you get it early than you can posibly change it
2007-03-30 04:16:53 · answer #6 · answered by jennifer 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
do what YOU want to do reguardless of what he says and don't argue about it. He will adapt (as you have) or he won't. you are the only person you HAVE TO live with for the rest of your life.
you should be happy....you only get one life and spent time cannot be reclaimed
2007-03-30 04:15:00 · answer #7 · answered by AuntTater 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him your not in the army with him so not to treat u like that
2007-03-30 04:14:13 · answer #8 · answered by Cheyennes Mommy 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Tell him lose your attitude or lose me
2007-03-30 04:15:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋