People, give me some redneck jokes?

Question

I cain't giet enough!

Answer 1

What's the last thing a redneck say before he dies?

Watch this...

Answer 2

You might be a redneck if...

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.

You're an expert on worm beds.

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

Your family tree does not fork.

The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

You haul more than U-Haul.

Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Your wedding was held in the delivery room. AND

You yell "hey, somebody come look at this before I flush it!"

Answer 3

The National Poetry Contest had come down to two, a Yale graduate and a redneck from Texas. They were given a word, then allowed two minutes to study the word and come up with a poem that contained the word. The word they were given was “Timbuktu.”

First to recite his poem was the Yale graduate. He stepped to the microphone and said:

Slowly across the desert sand
Trekked a lonely caravan;
Men on camels, two by two
Destination Timbuktu.

The crowd went crazy! No way could the redneck top that, they thought. The redneck calmly made his way to the microphone and recited:

Me and Tim a huntin’ went.
Met three whores in a pop up tent.
They was three, and we was two,
So I bucked one, and Timbuktu.

Answer 4

You know you're a redneck i you go to work without a shirt and so does your husband.
You know you're a redneck of you go to a family reunion alone and leave with a pregnant girlfriend.
You know you're a redneck if you stop to pee on the tree at the corner and so does the dog.
You know you're a redneck if a tornado hits and you're more worried about your beer than your family.
You know you're a redneck if think the Daytona 500 is a more important holiday than Christmas.

Answer 5

you might be a redneck if...
you stare into a can of orange juice because it said concentrate

you think fastfood is runnin' into a deer at 75 mph

More than one living relative is named after a Southern Civil War general.

You think the stock market has a fence around it.

You think the O.J. trial was the big Sunkist and Minutemaid taste test.

You've ever lost a loved one to kudzu.

Your boat has not left the driveway in 15 years.

Your front porch collapses and kills more than three dogs.

Your coffee table used to be a telephone cable spool.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

You've ever used a toilet seat as a picture frame.

Your home has more miles on it than your car.

Your Christmas tree is still up in February.

You've ever been arrested for loitering.

You think that potted meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouvre.

There is a stuffed possum anywhere in your house.

You hammer bottle caps into the frame of your front door to make it look nice.

You've ever shot anyone for looking at you.

You own a homemade fur coat.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your momma has "ammo" on her Christmas list.

You've totaled every car you've ever owned.

There are more than five McDonald's bags currently on the floorboard of your car.

Momma taught you how to flip a cigarette.

There is a wasp nest in your living room.

The Home Shopping Channel operator recognizes your voice.

You give your dad a gallon of Pepto-Bismol for his birthday.

There has ever been crime-scene tape on your front door.

You burn your front yard rather than mow it.

You consider a six-pack and a bug-zapper high-quality entertainment.

Fewer than half of your cars run.

You've ever been kicked out of the zoo for heckling the monkeys

If you have a complete set of tupperware and they all say "Cool Whip" on the side

The taillight covers of your car are made of tape.

Your car has never had a full tank of gas.

Any of your kids were conceived in a car wash.

Your momma has ever been involved in a cuss fight with the principal.

You think a subdivision is part of a math problem.

You've ever bathed with flea and tick soap.

Your good deed for the month was hiding your brother for a few days.

Your wheelbarrow breaks and it takes four relatives to figure out how to fix it.

You stand under the mistletoe at Christmas and wait for Granny and cousin Sue-Ellen to walk by.

Your favorite T-shirt is offensive in thirteen states.

You've ever been involved in a custody fight over a huntin' dog.

You're an expert on worm beds.

The dog catcher calls for a backup unit when he visits your house.

Your wife has ever said, "Come move this transmission so I can take a bath!"

Your family tree does not fork.

The flood history of the area can be seen on your living room walls.

You haul more than U-Haul.

Your momma has ever stomped into the house and announced, "The feud is back on!"

There is a gun rack on your bicycle.

Your wedding was held in the delivery room.

Your soap on a rope doubles as an air freshener.

Your wife's hairdo attracts bees.

Your baby's first words are "Attention K-Mart shoppers."

The antenna on your truck is a danger to low flying airplanes.


Your primary source of income is the pawn shop.

You pick your teeth from a catalog.

You've ever barbecued Spam on the grill.

You own all the components of soap on a rope except the soap.

The best way to keep things cold is to leave'em in the shade.

You've ever raked leaves in your kitchen.

The neighbors started a petition over your Christmas lights.

Your brother-in-law is your uncle.

You entire family has ever sat around waiting for a call from the governor to spare a loved one.

You go to the family reunion to pick up women.

Your grandmother has ever been asked to leave a bingo game because of her language.

You can't tell what color your car is because of the dirt.

You've ever financed a tattoo.

You refer to the time you won a free case of oil as the "day my ship came in."

Your hairdo has ever been ruined by a ceiling fan.

Your mother has been involved in a fist fight at a high school sports event


Thank you Very Much

Answer 6

how do you circumsize a redneck....

kick his sister in the chin

Answer 7

whats blue and white and climbing a tree?????