I had a friend that I had a sexual relationship with 4 years ago. It turns out that I fell in Love with him and wanted to be with him so bad. He had just got out of a relationship and ended up moving out of the State. I spoke with him a couple of times but have not talked to him in almost 4 years. He knew that I had feelings for him, but did not want to do anything to pursue it at the time. I have thought about him almost everyday since then. I have since gotten married and had two kids with the wrong man. My relationship is not healthy and I dont think it will every be. I have recently found this old flame online and I am wondering if I should try and get in touch with him. I just want to talk to him and find out how he is doing. What do you think I should do?
2007-03-30 03:04:20 · 19 answers · asked by I am woman 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Your allowed to talk to him, just don't get to attached, and don't cheat on your husband, if it really isn't working out, then get a divorce and find this guy. but if you think you can make your marrige last then thats what you need to do. Damn, i hope i'm in this situation, i mean the Flame's position, and my ex comes back, i know i would love it if i got an e-mail or a message from her to see how i was doing
2007-03-30 03:09:51 · answer #1 · answered by Deformation Age 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I think you should work out issues in your marriage before entering another relationship. If your marriage is bad and there is no chance for improvement, then get a divorce first before you start looking for a relationship with someone else. You need to enter a any new relationship with a clear head. The reason why you are thinking about this old flame could be because you are unhappy. First resolve your current situation and then if you see your feelings for this other man remain the same, then you can see about reestablishing any kind of relationship with him. Best of luck to you!.
2007-03-30 03:24:39 · answer #2 · answered by pictureshygirl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that's all your gonna do then i guess there's no harm in that, bt if your thinking of doin something else then, i say think it over real good & clear because 4 years is a very long time even though you've been talking now & then im sure somethings have changed & those small things could make you see him in a diffrent light. The thing about us "men" is that women dont seem to realise that we potray the person you want us to be in order to get with yall. So if you wanna see the sensitive macho type then thats what i'l be for the moment then after some time i turn into be the devil you never seen.
2007-03-30 03:20:21 · answer #3 · answered by Darksword 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you want to "just" talk to him, it will lead to further redevelopment/continuation of your old relationship. You will eventually end up loving him again. You will be cheating on your husband. If you think you married the wrong guy, then why did you say, "I do" in the first place? You should have spent more time with your current husband and thought about your relationship before you got married and had kids. Now you have two kids and you think it's not working any more? What kind of person are you? Consider your life and the ones you truly love. If you want to divorce, think about how your husband and your kids would feel.
2007-03-30 03:13:42 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
First, I think you need to deal with the relationship you are already in. You need to take care of yourself and your children. If the relationship is really unhealthy don't make it more so by trying to start a relationship (even an innocent friendship) with another. Sometimes, we realize we are with the wrong person too late and unfortunately it's a mistake that costs dearly. However, I recommend you definitely get out of the marriage if contacting him is that important to you or you will only confuse your current situation more. It's an old flame but old can become new again even by harmless email contact. Rekindled relationships happen fast sometimes and can take on a life of their own without you even realizing it.
2007-03-30 03:34:24 · answer #5 · answered by Tabatha 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The reason your present relationship is not healthy is you spend too much time thinking about another man. 4 years can change people a lot, he may not be as wonderful as you remembered, or maybe you just convinced yourself over the years he was more wonderful than he actually was. Either way, you need to do something, you have a husband and two kids you need to be thinking about.
2007-03-30 03:11:33 · answer #6 · answered by e.sillery 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you need to be very carefull before you make a decision. Think of the man that your married too, and your children, and how this could effect them. It would be okay to talk with him, but be very cautious about everything else. Just think about your children and how it will affect them if you were to ever get a divorce and go for your old flame. Trust me..divorced parents sucks ***. Im not saying your relationship will become that, i just want you to think of all the consequenses.
2007-03-30 03:10:45 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honestly: you do NOT "just" want to talk to him and find out how he's doing.
Check your motives. You need to do some prioritizing and cleaning house before you strike up communication with this guy, or any other man for that matter. Figure out what you need to do with your current relationship before you pursue any other, even if (you think) it's innocent.
Why complicate your life further? Address your issues now; don't borrow trouble. Think of yourself and your kids.
2007-03-30 03:11:46 · answer #8 · answered by Maudie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think if your relationship is on the rocks you should tend to that first. It's not over till its over and to reach out to an ex would be deceitful. Put it this way, if it's something you can't tell your husband about, it's not OK. If your relationship with your husband is over, file for divorce and get separated, then contact the ex. Even though you say u just want to find out how he's doing, if you were in love with him and still think about him everyday, it could lead to more, which would be unfair to your current spouse.
2007-03-30 03:10:12 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely not.
You are unhappy in this relationship, so you are leaning on the fantasy of the other.
You need to deal with this relationship (your marriage) first...either divorce you husband or work thing out. Only when that plate is clean, then go ahead look up and contact the "What could have been" Otherwise, you are jumping from one relationship to be another relationship, which could be potential bad as well.
2007-03-30 03:09:37 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋