What should I do about THIS???...?

Question

My boyfriend of one year and I were talking...we talk every night...don't know how the subject came up but our age difference did (I am twelve years older...but he has always known that...and HE initiated our relationship). Anyway, I thought we were WAY past this being any kind of issue...we both had some issues with it in the beginning...then it graduated to him 'thinking about it sometimes, but not always'...then to 'most of the time it never bothered him'...anyway, we had not discussed age in a long, long time...I thought it didn't even need to be discussed anymore at this point...we have a wonderful relationship, so age just should not matter (and hasn't to me for a long time)..last night he said, no it shouldn't matter and it usually doesn't but he can't get it out of my mind sometimes. I said I think things are great w/ us and he agreed..but I said if you can't get past this then I need to know...he said he never said he couldn't get past it..well, I think he should know by now

I just feel that after one year of only dating each other, he should be past our age difference...he never acts like it bothers him...not at all...I was just really surprised to hear last night that he still thought about it. I just worry about how long it will take him to figure it out...date me for two or three years then decide, something like, hey, I've decided that you are too old for me?...I just don't know...I don't want to get hurt but I love him enough to give him a chance to work it out...I feel like I should just not address the issue again anytime soon but every time I do that and get more secure in our relationship then I get hit with a brick like this...I know he cares about me very much (we've never told each other "I love you" though)...but you can just tell by the way he is with me...should I just wait it out or what?

Just a note...no...I'm not dishing out cash and not taking care of him...he's educated and makes good money on his own...we live separate and I am far from desparate...just happened to fall in love with a younger man...

Answer 1

Move on!

Answer 2

In my opinion he is going through a right of passage. I mean he knows he intiated the relationship. It is just at this point he is probably realizing that he may be keeping you from something that is better for you. A relationship with a man "your age". I think all men go through this at some point whether they are older or younger by 10 plus years. I went through the same thing where she was 13 years younger than me. I kept thinking and kept trying not to think about it, the fact that she is probably better off with someone closer to her age. I think that age is always an issue. I personally think that age shouldn't factor into the fact that both people know what they want and if they have what they want then problem solved. That this for an example I am 36 and I have a 20 yr old woman who thinks I am the perfect age. It is just so difficult to find something in common with her cause she doesn't remember anything I do. I told her that you need to find someone your own age. She still wants to be friends though. I have been around long enough to know that relationships start off as being friends. My answer to you is wait and it will pass when he convinces himself that the age difference is not an issue, and the real issue is "are you everything he has been looking for?".

Answer 3

The age difference should not be an issue at all. I cannot imagine why it would keep coming up. Have you tried to get him to explain why he feels it is? If you can't get past it, you should move on as it will always be a problem down the road. You won't get any younger. On the flip side, if the relationship has only been going on a year and you both are wanting it to continue otherwise, maybe it'll go away in time. Your call. Good Luck!

Answer 4

His age is vastly more important than yours. If he's under 25 you're probably in for a really unhappy ending. He's got a lot more maturing to do still along with a lot more living before he's ready for a serious relationship that you're more inclined to have.
If he is over 25 than its just a matter of him sorting out his future. Its a lot of pressure on people to conform to societies expectations. Depending on his true feelings and his own sense of self-worth, the outcome could go either way.
In the end, you care deeply for this guy and it bothers you that he is still concerned about the age difference. But, is that really a reason to end a happy relationship? Enjoy it while it last, and think positively about your future. You cannot live your life afraid the worst will happen. If you do, you will never truly be happy.

I wish you both the very best of luck

Answer 5

well, after one year, theni would say that should be plenty of time for something like an age difference to play out.

what probably has happened is that in the begining he was so excited about your relationship, that age DIDN'T matter, but now that things have been getting more comfortable and you start to wonder where the relationship is going, well, he may be thinking...i don't want to be with an older woman anymore.

i had dated a younger guy at one point and even though he wasn't THAT much younger, it was a big enough gap that after the glitter wore off of our relationship, he realized that he still wanted to do things that i was over and done with.

so, maybe that is the case here.

i would suggest moving on and letting him decide if he wants to be with someone older on his own time.

take care:)

Answer 6

age shouldn't matter just like the color of ones skin shouldn't Love doesn't look at the face age or color it just happens..I would say that he is looking at age now as a factor because someone has commented to him about the age difference ..and it bothered him..I would seriously sit down and talk to him about this and ask him if it was that big of an issue why did he per sue you and if he can't get past this you need to move on..Good Luck..

Answer 7

I mean what's the question?? I can give a suggestion tho...he's probably just going off what other people r saying to him. People tend to let others influence their relationship...If u 2 wanna be together then go for it I mean people do it all the time it's not like ur the only ones. I like younger men b/c they r fun & exciting. So tell him he's gonna have to let it go if he wants to be w/u!! Good luck;-)

Answer 8

I think play time needs to be up with the little boy. 12 yrs. what can yawl possibly have in common. I know you taking care of him; dishing out that $$$$$$$. That is probably the only reason he is with you anyway. Grow up and get a MAN your age or closer,at least. DAG 12 yrs.....desperate.

Answer 9

Well if he talks about it he isn't over it. But love is doesn't know age so it will work it you and him want it to work. The age differnece isn't a problem. The problem if both of you'll can get over it and not think about it anymore.

Answer 10

NOT to like be mean or anything but you r kindda to old for you two to have a relationship that will be taken seriously instead of only on looks.

Answer 11

He needs to sort himself out. He's had a year to sort this out in his head and he's still having this problem? Surely if it was such a problem you wouldnt of lasted a year. Just put your foot down and say that it needs to be sorted once and for all.