Everybody keeps telling me to leave her but it's hard...?

Question

My girlfriend and I have been together for 5 years. We've ben together since 14. It turns out she wasn't happy and says that all the love she had for me is gone. She met this guy here on Yahoo! Answers and talks to him like they are going to get married. She promised to try and work it out and never talk to him again but she went behind my back and did it again while being with me and the last few days have been amazing! Everytime she feels a connection with me, she pushes me away because she wants to see where it goes with the other guy. Everyday, when she says she doesn't love it feels like a knife in my heart but everytime it hurts less and less. I am a different man to be with her and I'm trying with everything but she won't give anything back. I have my own company and am very succesful. The guy she is leaving me for lives in a trailer, lives off welfare, hasn't had a job in 2 years, has been to jail and has a violent history. She is 19 he is 34 What does he have that I don't?

Trust me, it's not looks!

Answer 1

I think you are in trouble yourself. This knife in your heart that hurts less and less is like in David Hume's Natural Religion book. It's the making of a religious zealot. In "Creative Mythology" by Joseph Campbell, it says that when traditional mythology (social rites) fails to provide authorised signs and symbols for the individual (it seems like you were expecting her to say she does love you, and you don't like hearing otherwise - it's perfectly normal; most people in the world don't "love" love each other, you know!) that individual has a choice. They can either stick with the traditional mythology even though it is a living death, or they can become a creative mythologist. Being a creative mythologist could mean becoming another Einstein. It means living by personal insights. I'm not sure if Einstein actually lived by personal insights, or if other people just threw things at him if he came up with the scientific goods. Personal insights doesn't necessarily mean an indepth knowledge of psychology. It pretty much just means making decisions by means of which way your stomach is gurgling. I would tend to think that creative mythologists of the genius variety tend to arrange their output in such a way that it reminds them of things that will help them avoid change in their life.

Are you experiencing any of the following symptoms at any time: heaviness and lightness at the same time, can't feel your arms and legs, stuck to the ground or chair, time seems to drag but afterwards you don't know where it went to, watery eyes, fluttery eyelids etc. These are all symptoms of self-hypnosis and they make it very difficult to act on your intentions when they are occurring. You will tend to treat somebody (either somebody present or somebody absent) as your hypnotist and feel justified in suppressing your anger towards them. You tend to feel like this will somehow give you the advantage in the situation. It's not what will give you brownie points, although the fact that you've been so forthcoming so far possibly means that you're thinking through this. Can you find something to thank your girlfriend for? Even if you don't end up together, you will do good things for your peace of mind. Don't be surprised if angry words start coming out in a mild way. It's easy to express anger and hurt nicely without even feeling vulnerable if you start the ball rolling by saying something like "thank you" for something that's already happened. She will perceive it as you coming "up to" her level and you don't need to be worried about having to "live up to" a promise for the future.

Answer 2

Man, skip the drama and let her go---why would you want a girl that will never have feelings for you like she had before--when it's over-it's over---if the horse dies--get off. She can do whatever she wants--and so can you--so get moving. Now knock off the pitiful act and stop connecting with her--it is a destructive thing to do---there has got to be other worthy girls in the area--you were too young to be tied together--the world is a big place and you both need to get out and enjoy all there is to offer---you'll see what I mean in a month or two. If she didn't leave now, she would go soon anyway--or you would go--it was bound to happen. Relax, take it easy and good luck

Answer 3

I'm sorry to hear that this is happening to you. It sounds you like you both have put so much effort into trying to make things work. I do believe that if she knew what it was like to be without you, she would reconsider. I think it would make her realize that the grass isn't greener. If you really must be with her, it sounds like you need to dish out some tough love. Let her know that she needs to decide, and she can't have you hanging in the balance while she "tries" to see what comes of the trailer guy. She can't have both. So I think if you take yourself away, she will realize what she is missing. IF she doesn't, then sometimes you need to let people do their own thing, however unfair it may seem to you. I'm sorry again, and I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 4

Sweetie, you should laugh ather. Hooking up with a guy on yahoo answers who lives in a trailer? You are obviously both very young, and TRSUST ME, you will both get over eachother. Seems super hard now, but you will be surprised at how easily it is to move on and grow up and explore new and better things once you MAKE THE DECISION TO. You're both so young, let her go, and shewill undoubtedly end up missing you later anyway. You're growing apart, and it's no one's fault. Happens to a million different people everyday. Quit wasting your time and compromising your self respect, there's too much out there to settle for thislittle girls BS.

Answer 5

It is very hard to lose someone that you love.

I sure hope that you have mentioned to her how many girls are killed by people they meet online. Look up some articles on online associations that have gone deadly, and give them to her to read. She is too young to be trusting a 34 year old man that she only knows through the internet.

You can't force her to stay, but you might be able to talk to some of her friends . They may be able to at least keep her from making what appears to be a very hugh mistake.

Answer 6

This guy has the art of manipulation!!. although its hard, sit back and let her get on with it, if she leaves you then pick yourself up and start again. you sound like a guy in a million and it will be her loss. most of us women love men who, look after us, love us and are there for us when we need them. to her this is the excitement of the unknown. You are worth more so tell her that enough is enough and she is to make her mind up once and for all. if she chooses him then, so be it. BUT don't go back. You sound a nice guy and it wouldn't be long before another girl snaps you up. You make the move first, not her. Put a new motto in your life "ONWARD AND UPWARD"
Good luck.

Answer 7

Share this with you girlfriend and maybe this will put things into perspective...a poem that I wrote for myself

Life After You

Life goes on….
Yes, even after you!
Although I can’t believe what you put me through--
It was cool at first; we were inseparable.
But, we were never friends.

We only lied to ourselves;
And each other thinking it would work out
Now we’re lonely and miserable
Using others as a way out.
I learned a lot, how ‘bout you?
I learned what I will and won’t do.
I learned there is the greater love of living life after you.

Answer 8

At 19 she may be alittle immatured to know what she's doing. Give her some personal space and be patient. Sometimes there is no explantions on why in a relationship. Give her some time and if all else failed and your patience ran out, dump her and move on then. I don't see you'll have issues finding yourself a nice girl.

Answer 9

she might be just using he as a way to lose you.. the two of you have been together for a long time and she might just want to move on because she don't feel the same about you.

sit her down and tell her that if she really wants to be with this other guy then go because you love her so much you just want her to be happy and that is what will make you happy is for her to be happy. then you can tell her one of two things:
1. that you will be here for her if she wants to come back but you have to make sure that she has herself checked when she comes back and she knows that it is a one time thing.
2. that you will not be there for her and that she can't come back to you because you can not handle the leaving and coming back thing.
good luck and i hope this helped

Answer 10

all that you want to do is protect her which proves that you really love her. she's 19 and wants to have fun in life, meaning that going out with all kinds of jerks, going crazy. she's going to that other guy because she thinks life with him is adventurous and exciting. she'll realise her mistake later on. she's too immature. try to explain all that to her. if she doesn't understand, leave her or else u'll be hurting urself. if she gets a good lesson, she'll return. but i don't expect you to wait for her... for the moment just leave her and give her some time... she'll realise her mistakes...