Would it be wrong if I did?

Question

Ok well my son's father and I broke up about about 3yrs ago,and he ended up getting my son.Now we are just trying to stay friends for the sake of our son.I love my son to death and would do anything for him,the problem is that his father I think is trying to get me back.I'm not sure I want him back but I feel Iike I should so I can be with my son everyday.The other thing is that he and I just wasn't a good mix,we always said we hated each other,and that we are only still talking because of our son,but now I think he had a change of heart,but I didn't and i just don't want him to find out that I'm only with him to be closer to my son.Am I wrong for doing that?I know what I feel but I just feel I need a second opinion.thanks

Well I thank everyone for there advice.I wish I can pick all of you becuase everyone has good input.I think I know what I need to do.I'm not going to do it unless I really wanna be with my ex.Everyone I know was telling me to do it,but I knew it would be wrong.So I know now that I'm right. Thanx

Answer 1

You seem to be thinking about your own needs instead of the needs of your son. Every child needs to be raised in a loving & nurturing environment.
What I think you are considering is a union with your ex that will be without love. How can that provide an example of a good marriage for your child?

You are your son's mother, & no one can change that as long as you remain available to him. If you haven't done the work to repair your marriage with your ex, then it's still a broken marriage & will remain as such even if you move back in to their house.

If your ex really wants to give your marriage another try then the both of you need to start to work out all of the unresolved issues BEFORE you move back in. To do otherwise will put your son at the risk of being exposed to an example of a bad marriage that has gotten worse.

Answer 2

I think for you son sake you need to be honest with your son father so that your son don't get hurt again. If you don't love this man and there is just no chance that you do then please for your son happiness tell the man that you don't love him but you want to stay in your son life. And if the father want what good for the son also then he will understand and let you see the child when possible because that is what good for him. If you lie and then everything don't work out then the child will be hurt and put in the middle of something that he has no control of but you and the father do.

Answer 3

This is obviously a very complicated situation. Although it is possible for people to have a change of heart, I would be very careful with how you act in this situation. It may be a ploy by him to get back into your old relationship so he can abuse you (verbally or otherwise).

I understand how much you want to be with your son, but if you get back into a bad relationship, it will harm your son's psychological well-being. If he sees you two fighting a lot, it could create far greater problems for him later in life.

Admittedly, I have no personal experience with this kind of problem, and I don't fully understand the details of your relationship with your son's father. However, if you think that you will have a lot of conflict in the home with your ex, then it may be best to find another way to see your son more often.

Answer 4

you should never be in a relationship for the "sake of the children". It is bad for everyone. If you want your son, go to court and get custody. Get your visitation changed. But don't "fake your feelings" just to get what you want. In the long run everyone will suffer more. I think trying to stay friends is a good thing...it is what you should do to raise your son effectively....you have to be able to communicate when/if problems arise. Good luck.

Answer 5

There's nothing wrong with trying to get along for the sake of your child. In fact, it's the right thing to do-as long as you don't lead him to believe that you have romantic feelings that aren't really there. Leading him on, or postponing telling him that you aren't interested in rekindling the romance, will only lead to bigger problems, more resentment, and making contact with your son that much more uncomfortable when it all hits the fan.
Tell him that you are enjoying the newfound friendship with him, and how much better you can get along now that you aren't living together and complicating things with a different kind of relationship. As long as you keep it amicable, it's not your fault if he regrets or is nostalgic.

Answer 6

being with someone just for the sake of a child is not always a good thing. It is better for your son to see healthy relationships growing up...not parents that fight all the time. Could be a good thing that you and his father are not together. If you want to give it another chance for yourself go for it...if not do not make this situation worse by altering this child's life again. It is just not healthy.

Answer 7

If all you want is your son, you need to go to court and try getting either more visitation or custody of your son. At first you said you were ahving a change of heart, then you said you will only be with him for your son...so that's not really a change of heart. You would just be making the same mistake over and over again.

Answer 8

The very worst thing you can ever do is to stay in or re-enter into a bad or otherwise incompatable relationship because of the kids. Kids can, will and do sense the hostility and that has an affect not only on how they percieve their parents and themselves but also how they percieve the way relationships are supposed to be. (Loveless but consistant) I wouldnt go back if I was you.

Answer 9

Thats a hrad thing to do, but if you fell that you want to be with your son every day... try to work things out.. and ask your ex if you guys and start from the beginning and try to do things right... Or you can bite your tounge and deal with it...and have a man on the side.... You got to do what you feel is best for your son...

Answer 10

no it's okay that you feel that you want to be with him to be closer to be with your son. But the thing is you know that it's wrong, and you know how hurt he would be if you did do that. So you shouldn't be with him just to be with your son. I think you should really take some time out and figure out what you want. And if you do want to be with the guy for him then be with him but if u just watn to be with him to be closer to your son then don't be with him because that would be wrong. It's one thing to feel something but another thing to do it even though you feel that it's wrong. Just ask him if he could make it so you could see your son more, I mean he is your son, and if the guy cares about you, he would.