Am i wrong as a parent?

Question

Okay last night me and my baby father was talking on the phone and in the middle of our conversation he says, he wants our son to stay with him for 3 days out of the week. Now me as mother i do not feel like i should have to go over his and see my own child. we are not married. and i told him this. (i shouldnt have to go over his and see my own child). and he gets mad. he thinks i am going to keep the baby away from him thats something i was never thinking about.. Then he threathens me verbally. he have a cat and sleeps in the basement of his sister house. all the dust and a cat is not good for our son i am more thinking about my son immune system because he would not be able to handle that as a infant. I am more thinking about my sons health and he more thinking about the baby stayng with him. And he calls me slefish. now, he says if the baby make good but if the my son does'nt he is not going to be mad. i dont think he cares. i am wrong 4 not wanting my son his house?

Answer 1

I'm a mother and you have every right to be concerned for your son's safety, but you have to understand his point of view. Even if your honestly not wanting him there because of those reasons, he very well may not see it that way, he could see it as an excuse. Even the best father's don't understand what a mother goes threw caring for her child, emotionally/physically, and they'll never completely understand or feel that nurturing instinct us ladies have.

Tell him that your son does not go in that house until they clean the dust and cat hair, but animals are safe around infants, just don't let him near the litter box. And like another said, you are lucky he wants to be there for his son, even if it's in a not so great enviroment, but let him see his son, just make him literally clean up his act, stop talking to you like he's your keeper, and just keep taking care of that boy. When he learns how to respect you as you and his son's mother, and can clean up his act and step up and out of sister's basement, allow him that time.
In the meantime, your son is probably too young to spend that long away from you, and esplain that to an infant, he and his mother are one in the same. Your poor son won't understand why he's being taken from mommy....Also many doctors/scientist believe that infants usually don't recognize "Daddy" as any important person until at least a few mos old.

Answer 2

i think based on your first reason (i shouldnt have to go over his and see my own child) that this is really the case here and if it is that is completly selfish. it takes two people to make a child and he is his son just as much as yours, be thankful he wants to be in your sons life! 3 days out of the week is certainly not unreasonable. by haveing a child without being married or living together (not saying thats wrong, i know the so called "perfect" family doesnt always work out for everyone) you would expect that this would happen. how would you feel if he had your son all week and you werent being allowed to have him stay over? as for the case with the cat and dust make it clear that an infant cant be around it, encourage him to clean up the place, perhaps give the cat away, or make sure it isnt around while the child is oevr and above all encourage him to be with your son! the point is to both be involved in his life is it not?

....perhaps its a basement suite? not everyones life is perfect enough to own a house, that doesnt mean hes a bad father, obviously he has to be willing to tho, if hes just demanding without making sacrifies or at least trying then your son should be going there

Answer 3

Well for an infant three days a week away from his mother is simply not good, they baby needs his mother. I do agree that the basement with the cats is not a good situation as well.

What you need to do is get that paternity test taken care of and then get a judge involved with the decision of how and when he will see his on kid. The judge needs to know his living arrangements in the garage, and about the cats as well.

Your baby does need to see his father, but you need to meet on mutual terms. Going ahead and taking care of parent rights with the a judge is the best thing to do, because at this point if he came and got the child there is nothing legal a judge can do about it. You are both the parents. In a court of law a judge will say well you are both the parents I cannot repute the fact that he now has the baby and you don't. So get this all legal.

Answer 4

That's great that he wants to be in your child's life. YES you are the ONLY one that is looking out for your son don't listen to some of these rude posts. Only YOU can make a difference in your child's life. I believe the father shouldn't be living in his sister's basement for one unless it's truthfully finished. There is too much mold, leftover crap that is down there if not taken care of. I agree too many people let their cats roam wherever, and then walk all over there counters YUCK!! I used to have a cat of 14 years and didn't let him go everywhere in my house. Also, is there an escape window in the basement? If not, the court WOULD have a problem granting him to keep your baby in a basement with him. I mean what if there was a fire? How would they get out? The city inspector would also have something to say about that! Good Luck with your situation. I'm not saying to keep the baby out of his life just regulate the time spent & WHERE! ~T~

Answer 5

I don't think that you are wrong as a parent. He may feel insecure in the thought of not being able to see his baby. You need to assure him that you will freely allow him visitation. If the cats and dust are an issue to you then you need to discuss your concerns with him. Explain to him that the baby has a bond with you and being separated from you for days in a week is not good for the child. The baby needs a stable, constant environment. However that is not an excuse to not allow the baby in his home. You ask him to clean before you come over and to put the cats in a room behind closed doors. Then you take the baby over to visit him. For the first while, you should be present so that you can anticipate how good he will be with the baby because he sounds as though he angers easily and you said that he threatened you. Unfortunately most courts will grant custody to the one parent and weekend visitation to the other parent so you may have no choice then so I'd advise you to come to a mutually ammicable agreement amongst yourselves so that the father won't feel the need to apply to the courts for custody. Good Luck.

Answer 6

Sorry dear, but I believe you are wrong. It takes two to make a baby. You have a father who wants to be with his son and be involved. He has that right. He could go to court and fight you for joint custody or even full custody if he can prove that you aren't allowing him to see his son. Take it from someone who has watched a child grow up in a divorce situation where the parents weren't good at working things out without arguing. The child will benefit the most if you work with the dad on a schedule that you can both live with. If the child has medical problems because of the environment, then you have a leg to stand on about getting visitation limited. If he had the child full time wouldn't you want to have some time to spend with your son. Put yourself in his shoes.

Answer 7

I think you should let him see his son. It is good that he wants to see his son, and is trying too. If you let him take his son for a couple of days, it will be fine. Try to agree on something, like every other weekend or something. And the dust and cat excuse is NOT an excuse. Every house has dust. And why can't an infant be around a cat? My girls lived with a dog and cat the day they came home from the hospital. If you are unsure of how he will be with his son, maybe he could come over for a couple of hours and just visit and you could see how he is with him. But let him see his son, every little boy needs his daddy.

Answer 8

Unless your child has been diagnosed with Asthma or severe allergies a cat can't do anything to your child. I had a cat when my daughter was an infant and even she has mild allergies and she's fine. Maybe you need to have a trial period where your son goes over to his dads house and see how it goes. I honestly think you need to relax, I know it's hard when you have a baby but if he's a good dad then you should let him take your baby. I know it's hard when your baby is in a different house than you but you have to realize that kids have 2 parents and when they aren't married they need to have equal time with both of them. When the child gets older they might resent you for not letting them spend as much time with their dad. Hope it helps. I was a single mom for 5 months before I got married and everything makes you nervous with a baby, so I hope this advice helps.

Answer 9

First of all he doesnt HAVE a house for the baby to visit, his sister does. Second, If the room his sister lets him stay is dusty and filled with cat hair, How can he take care of a baby for three days if he cant take care of his bedroom???? Third, Since the child is with you then I assume your the primary care giver. Does he even Financially support this child? Its probably a game to make you feel like you need him in your life and thats sorry. He has your son then you have to acknowledge his sorry dirty, dusty exsistance in that little basement. NO! he cant take your child!! He cant even take care of himself! He can visit for a few hours but get real. Who of you that are saying yes would put your own children in a dirty basement for three days with a loser?? And for those animal lovers... having an animal is NOT a reason to have hair everywhere!! Its called a vacuum and cat brush! Ive had my share and it is controllable!

Answer 10

cats and dust have nothing to do with the reason that you do not want your child over there. you are searching for excuses for the baby to not stay over there. i have a dog and your house is just a dusty as his. there is no way to avoid dust. he's the father. why do you have more rights to where the baby sleeps than he does? you are both the parents and the baby should be able to spend time with it's father also. you are being selfish. you proved it when you said "why should you have to go over to his house to see your own son."