do you think my birth mother did the right thing..?

Question

When my birth mother was pregnant with me,my birth father had died.They were both very young and I do understand her reason for giving me up.
When I was adopted at birth I was adopted by my birth mom's cousins.My whole life I pretty much thought she was my cousin but here to come and find out she was my real mother.
Do you think she should have raised me or given me up for adoption?
I'm just so confused with my life sometimes.
thanx=]

Answer 1

As you have said it, your parents were young when they had you. As you father passed away, your mother couldn't raise you alone herself as she may have financial difficulties and since you have your cousins, she gave you to them for better care. Your birth mother loves you no matter what you are and must love her too. Try to understand her feelings and put yourself in her shoes.

Answer 2

You cannot change what happened. I think the best option would be to love your birth mother anyways. You will have no way of ever knowing if she did the right thing or not, I am sure that she had her reasons. But that can't be changed now. Your relationship with your true mother will go well if you do not let this come between you. If she raised you, your life may have been different. But once again the past cannot be changed.

I don't know if you are mad at your birth mom, but if you are, it would be a good idea to forgive her and start a good relationship with her.

It might help to talk to her about it and try and reason it out with her.

Life is very confusing, actually most of the time. But don't let that get you down. Things will work out for the best, and the way that they are supposed to.

Answer 3

I think she did what she thought was best for you. If she felt she couldn't provide the kind of life she wanted for you, then she absolutely did the right thing. She may have some regrets, but at the time, being young and having your father die I'm sure was very hard. She may have felt incapable physically and emotionally, to care for you so she gave you up to someone who could give you what she felt she couldn't.

At least you knew her, even if you knew her as a cousin, then in a way, she was there to see you grow up, even if it was from a distance. When you have a situation come up where you are forced to make the decision of keeping, aborting, or giving up a baby or a pregnancy, its never easy and I think no matter what decision you make, there are always going to be regrets. I've been there.

I hope now that everything is out in the open, you and your birth mother can start fresh and talk about everything.

Good luck!

Answer 4

She did the right thing in giving you up for adoption if she thought she couldn't handle raising a child, either emotionally or financially. I was adopted and raised in a family of adopted children and I thank GOD my birthmother gave me up for adoption. I found her years ago and she had a very hard life and I would have had a passenger seat on that ride. She truly did a very loving and unselfish thing to give me a chance in life and I will always be very grateful.

What your birthmother did that was wrong was lie to you about who your parents were. I have seen a lot of people do that and they always say they did it because it was in the child's best interest not to know, but I've never seen an adult adoptee not be crushed when they found out the truth. Usually, their relationships with just about every adult in their families are severely and sometimes permanently damaged by feelings of betrayal and distrust. Sometimes, they feel they cannot trust anyone again to be honest and so friendships and romantic relationships suffer.

I would advise you to get counseling to help you sort out your feelings. I am sure you are very confused and no doubt being bombarded with people telling you what you SHOULD feel.

Answer 5

I'm pretty sure at the time your mom thought that giving you up would be the best for you...without your dad, she might've thought that she couldn't provide for you like she should've.

Given another alternative...abortion...it sure sounds like she did make a good decision. Given that she gave you to your cousins, she was able to still see you, thus making the decision a little less difficult on her (maybe-although it was still probably very hard on her too).

My personal opinion is for the most part, children that are put up for adoption ARE loved by their parents and the majority of the time, the mom and/or the dad feel that they just can't give that child everything he/she deserves.

Answer 6

I am sure that at the time she felt that she was giving you a better chance in life. Now, that you know the truth, you obviously need to know your birth Mother. The decision she made to "give you up". (By the way she didn't, she gave you to a trusting family member so you would be close). ..the dicision must have been soooo very difficult for her. I think you should give her a chance. If she is a good person and isn't some crack head, give her a chance! She made this decision because she cared about you.

Answer 7

Your wasting your time figuring out or trying to find blame. Take this time to create a relationship with your family and your birth mom. Your mom probably did what was best for you at the time. Don't play the what if or the blame game. Leave that in the past and look for the future. Believe me, I know this can get very stressful trying to figure things out. But at the end you may or may not find the answers your looking for. Forgive the past and focus on really getting to know your mom. Considering that you want that to happen of course.

Answer 8

If your birth mother was young, it was probably best she gave you up. This is the most love someone can show to someone else. I cant imagine having to give up a child, but if I was a child myself, I would hope that someone...whether or not they are related....would give my baby a better life. I know several girls that chose that option & in the end it was best for the child.... Be glad that you have parents that loved you & supported you, were able to care for you financially...They are your real parents

Answer 9

Okay, my son is 12 so let me give this to you from a parent's eye view.

1. Those who love me can change their minds.
2. My friends can decide they aren't my friends.
3. My son cannot stop being my son. I can't stop being his dad. We can walk away from that bond, but he can't break it and neither can I. Period.

I don't care whether you're a parent for a day or a decade: You can't walk away from it.

Your biological mom made a choice that someone else could give you what she couldn't. Not only that, she had to sit by silently and watch someone else have the Mom title, get the Mom hugs, etc.

It would eat me alive.

She did it because it was the best thing for you. Don't think it didn't hurt.

If you had someone who loved you enough to give you up to someone who loved you and could do a better job raising you, you have a double benefit.

Respect and understand and love them both. You're a lucky kid.

Answer 10

Life is full of choices which reap either rewards or consequences...in your life as with everyone you will make good and bad choices and you have to live with them...sometimes they hurt and sometimes they bring joy...try to understand that often time youthful choices are not in the best interest of the chooser and once a choice is made and acted upon it can't be changed... but your understanding and love can change the future for now you have a choice to make and will it be right or wrong...good luck