My dad is a very nice person, BUT he is always stressed, So this means that he is in a bad mood, ALWAYS!! When he is in a bad mood (or even whenever!!!) he starts insulting whatever tiny mistake you make or like when you didn't hear him when he called you he gets mad at you, really mad!! he is a verbal abuser, very, and he's always insulting my brother and I. He's not one of those people who you can just sit down with and talk about this problem. I love him, but when these things happen, not only do they make me cry, but it makes me feel like I hate him... I am just 13 years old, and feel like those were the most depressing years with my dad. We always have to be watching out for his mood and our mistakes. What can I do?
2007-03-29 13:33:55 · 13 answers · asked by wallflower 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You've succeeded in step one, which is to simply realize that he's wrong in his actions and that you are not at fault. It's like the master/slave theory in that the slave actually "wins" simply because he realizes that his situation is a wrong one while the master sees no wrong in his stance and position in the relationship. The realization allows you to grow with the situation rather than be dragged down by it. You may have to just accept it, if it's not possible without causing yourself harm to confront him. Personally, I'd be inclined to say something very stark to him to make him realize how he's acting but I understand that may not be possible. Hang in there as best you can, pray and come to know God, and know that the best you may be able to do is to become an absolutely great parent to your future children since you've succeeded in step number one.
2007-03-29 14:00:21 · answer #1 · answered by The Scorpion 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Boy, are you having a hard time. I can talk from some experience here. I used to have a lot of stress and tension from my job too. At times I would get really angry at the world and you didn't even want to be around me. If we went out to eat and everything wasn't just right I would complain to the management, the family always wanted to leave before I started.
One night I was behind a car who was in the left turn lane by mistake and really wanted to go straight. I started on the horn and I guess I kind of scared my daughter. She shose during dinner to talk to me. Since we were at a restaurant I couldn't raise my voice too much. She told me that she was scared for me, not scared of me. She said that my reaction just seemed so over the top for sombody making a mistake at a stop light. Nobody got hurt, we were only held up several seconds and it just didn'tseem right. She suggested that I actually see a doctor to see if something could be done about my stress and anxiety. I actually credit my daughter for saving my life that night. I did see the doctor and I have had my stress in check ever since.
2007-03-29 13:55:42 · answer #2 · answered by ttpawpaw 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
this must be very hard for you and your brother to deal with as i can sense it woud be, have you spoken to your mother about it. also one god idea is if you cant sit down and talk to your dad you could always write a letter to him. let him know how you and your brother get sad and maybne even afraid when he yells at you, it is not right that he verbally abuses you and he must realise how it is affecting you. no one likes to walk on egg shells especially if it is happening on a daily basis and from a parent of whom your supposed to look up to. Maybe you could seek help form your school counsellor, but whatever you decide to do, dont be afraid (writing it in a letter) is a great way like i suggested. this way he can sit down on his own and read it through and seriuosly think about his actions.. and hopefully he will be good enough o talk it out with you and your brother........ I wish you the best of luck. remember dont be afraid. Take care ok sweety.
2007-03-29 14:19:17 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like my Dad. That is exactly how I grew up. It was like my sisters and I hated for him to be home from work cuz everyone was "on edge". Im now in my mid 30's and I have a good relationship with my Dad but I am emotionally messed up from when I was a child. I never felt loved. I felt a burden to my father. He just was never there for me and I was so fearful of him. I know I cant go back and have things changed but Im definitely feeling the effects of it now......even though he is retired and mellowed out now. I need to move on and Im trying to.....hang in there.
2007-03-29 15:02:29 · answer #4 · answered by Felicia 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all sorry you have to deal with that. It's hard enough being a 13 year old girl as it is. I remember being one. You need to talk to a counselor at your school. Or could you write your feelings down like you just did here and tell him how you feel? Dads or even a lot of men don't realize how their words can hurt. Good luck dear.
2007-03-29 13:41:15 · answer #5 · answered by Cyndia 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Uh I am 35 and sounds like a page out of my life. No you cant talk to him. He has no idea he is doing it. I confronted my dad when I was 29 and he said all the things I confronted him about never happened. Just try your best to stay out of his way. Dont argue with him you will never win. Try not to listen to his harsh words. Dont let them sink in. Where is your mom? Mine was too busy sleeping or caring about what other people thought. Growing up is so so hard and with prarents like this its even harder. It's taken me a long time to stop believeing what he called me and said about me.
My advice to you is make sure when you get older and are doing serious dating to be very careful to not select an abusive boyfriend. I didnt know wany different and I did and I thought well my dad treats me like this so he should too, but no. Also make sure you are very careful in life to stay on the straight and narrow so when you are the right age you can leave permanaently and in the roight way to positive things.
Best wishes. I;ll pray for you.
And now I am married to a great man who never raises his voice nor tells me mean things. We hae children and I've gone out of my way to not repeat the cycle.
2007-03-29 13:46:25 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
This sounds familiar.Its called verbal abuse.You cant go through this on your ownIs there a counsellor you can talkto or another adult.Being 13 is hard particularly when you have an abusive father.
2007-03-29 14:56:54 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
from what you say i don't think he would go for family counselling but if nothing else i think you should get some to try to get through your life.i lived with both a verbal and physically abusive father. nothing i ever did was good enough and the beatings were plentiful and frequent. It does nothing for your self esteem I know. if nothing else go to your counsellor at school. explain your situation to her and she could be a sounding board for you to learn how to deal with the situation you are in. and if you need someone else to talk to who knows what you are going through IM me anytime.
good luck.
2007-03-29 13:59:13 · answer #8 · answered by angel1 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you mean. My father is like that too, just add a drinking problem to it....we get along fine now, but only because I dotn live with him anymore. I wish I could help you more, I dotn know what to say. I took it all in and now have resentment for him, adn I dotn want that to ahppen to you. Have you tried speaking to your mom?
2007-03-29 13:40:59 · answer #9 · answered by on_a_need2know_basis 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Go to another adult in the family that you can trust. Ask that person to help your father with these issues.
2007-03-29 13:51:17 · answer #10 · answered by HDGranny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋