Why is it so hard to make friends in America?

Question

Back in India, when we moved in to a new place, within 1 month we will get to know everyone in that suburb. We could just go for a walk, meet people, talk and make friends.

Why isn't America like that? Even after living in the same Apartment for about 2 years, we still did not get to know ANYONE in that apartment complex itself, much less our neighborhood. And I have rarely seen neighbors joint ogether for parties or meetups. It feels very lonely here & difficult to make friends with neighbors. And this is not only for me, but ALL my fellow countrymen have also felt the same way - therefore we are all forced to stick together.

Why is this so?

Answer 1

I'm hoping your neighbors just aren't insular so give them the benefit of a doubt. In America, you have to be the one to go out there and introduce yourself. Also try giving out baked goods (American baked goods) so that get something they are familiar with at first. If you guys start to get closer, I'm sure they would appreciate old-fashioned Indian cooking, I certainly would.

Answer 2

I've seen some good answers here ... maybe I can add a little more.

First, if you are a stay-at-home person, that is a big part of your problem. In the US, we tend to socialize with those we work with, are in school with or share an interest with -- especially if you live in the city. So, if you are a stay-at-home, get out and find something to do! Volunteer ... that will help a lot.

If you are in school or have a job, look for friends there. Talk to the person in the desk next to you. Share an Indian "goodie" at lunch. Ask them something about American culture.

I'm sorry to say, you may never be friends with your neighbors, but that doesn't mean you can't have friends! You just need to look for them in other places.

Good Luck!

PS To Francisco ... while I get your point, you shouldn't lecture on geography if you don't know it! This continent does NOT end in Argentina! That is in SOUTH America, a totally different continent from NORTH American (where the U.S.A. lies).

Answer 3

Because of two factors that distinguish american culture from others.

1. Americans are taught to reject co-operation and instead are conditioned to compete. Therefore each person looks on other people as a potential competitor rather than an ally or friend.

2. This is a very mobile society. In India you might see people who live in the same place for generations. In America, you can make a friend only to have this person very likely to move away next week. So Americans learn not to invest too much of themselves in others.

Answer 4

It is like that because you are letting it be like that. Why not go around and introduce yourself to your neighbors? If you have a community pool that would be a nice way to meet others too.

This part may NOT be true, but I'm going to write it anyway. Some Americans are so sick of the constant ridicule we get from other countries that perhaps we don't feel like being as friendly as we once did pre 9-11. That was just a thought. I've lived in the same apt. for ages and don't really know that many people either. mostly because I'm never home and people move on. But I know a few here that have been here as long as I have.

Answer 5

Sorry to hear that. I grew up in America and I can say it has changed radically from years ago. People used to know everybody in their neighborhood and the children went outside and played about and all the mothers kept an eye on them and they went around the neighborhood relatively safe.
Neighbors used to congregate and hang out at night and talk till late. Now I have lived where I am for 13 years and barely know my neighbors, just enough to greet them mostly. Its just that everybody seems to have different values and each is going their own way, doing their own thing. Yes knowing the people in your community or neighborhood is a thing of the past.

Answer 6

According to My knowledge. It’s probably because you are different and in a different environment that it’s hard. I personally am not very sociable but if I wanted to be its not to hard to make friends.
The number and quality of friendships for the average American has been declining since at least 1985, according to a 2006 study. The study states that 25% of Americans have no close confidants, and that the total number of confidants per person has dropped to 2.
The U.S people, who aren’t be like Indians. Many of them have some complexion in the somewhere of their field. They are not ready to interrupt with us. So we need to search a good people there itself. For that don’t go ahead the net via friendship, which would not given the clear profile for their characters and set off their mind. So, better meet Indian people. Contact with them. In USA more than 25 lakhs Indian people are there. May be your neighbors also Indian, who knows? So better do search. If you find a good Indian people, you can get many friends in U.S.A by them. They will guide you, who are good people in USA. They will introduce them. It would be going to get 1000 good friends with you.

A "best friend" is a friend to whom one feels closest. It is usually implied that the relationship is reciprocal, but such is not always the case, and best friend relationships can often be very complex.

Answer 7

Most people don't take the time to enjoy home/community life. They are busy, usually both partners work, children have too many outside activities, and weekends are spent caring for the home, yard, etc. Have you made the first move to inttroduce yourself and maybe invite a few people over for a drink or something.

Answer 8

Obviously you have had many responses to your question. However, there are many possible and reasonable causes as to why you are having such a difficult time:

(1) You are from another country, culture and speak a different language.

(2) People generally are leery of making the aquaintance of someone whom they perceive to be very different from themselves.

(3) People often feel that communications would be too difficult, and therefore are hesitant about putting forth the effort.

(4) The old saying that "birds of a feather flock together" is very true. We all have a tendancy to want to be with (on a daily basis) those of our own background, similar interests and ways of expressing ourselves. Most people do not want to remove themselves from their self imposed comfort zones.

(5) Virtually all people work outside of the home now, and by the time that they return home, they are too tired to want to greet the new neighbors. It isn't a matter of being rude, or unfriendly, it is a matter of not having the necessary time to invest in developing a new relationship.

(6) Sadly, because of the 911 catastrophe, all people from outside of the United States and some within its borders have become suspect. Fear will result in many people closing their doors to 'new comers'.

(7) This is not India, and by the very nature of our Country being such a diverse culture with many different races of people; the result is very understandable.

As you well know, their are many species of birds, but they do not go out of their way to mingle with one another because of their differences. I realize that people are not birds, but they do have similar behavior patterns if one would take the time to study them.

Don't be too critical, begin with just one person; speak with them, get to know them and gradually friendships will form.

Answer 9

Did you mean USA? One thing is North America and other is America.This continent begins in Canada and ends in Argentina. You are missing of forgetting millions of latin Americans. Please, don't make bad use of idiom; use the correct words(without offense intention).
In all USA or North America is not the same. Depending on the town or city people could vary, not everyone is cold or isolated. In some places when someone died the neighbors give word supports to the survivor family or bring a cake for present.

Answer 10

YOU need to throw a Saturday night birthday party and ask all the neighbors. Send an invitation. Give them a 6 - 8 week lead time and ask for an RSVP. Tell them to BYOB (Bring your own booze) and a dish.