I need help with a difficult family matter. Serious responses appreciated?

Question

I have a family member with whom I am very close and have taken care of them for many years. She is now at the point that she can not handle everyday chores anymore and I believe at this point she is a danger to herself but she does not want to leave her house. Has anyone been thru a simular situation? if so, how did you handle it and how did it all work out?

Answer 1

Two diplomatic ways of handling the situation.

!) contact your nearby hospital social worker, or County health department's Nurse. They will come out to the house to do an interview with you both, and an assessment of both her abilities and her living situation. From there recommendations can be made as to whether your relative would be safer with "home healthcare" - professionals coming in to assist and monitor her.

2) Call Human / Social Services, Adult protection division. This is the type of person they are there to serve. They can determine what care she needs, and if there is a possibility of Medicare or Medicaid paying for her needed services.

Also - if it is determined that she would be safer and better served by moving to an Assisted Living Facility, they can help you with finding an appropriate way to do that.
I know of people who are very relieved and under much less stress to have medical care available as well as meals and laundry services. There is also the opportunity for socialization which is a healthy option.

My relative has been in and out of the hospital this past year. The hospital has provided the service of a Social Worker to assist the entire family in seeing to her needs. Medicare has paid for a Nurse, Occupational Therapist, and Physical Therapist to come to the house and provide their particular services a number of times each week. She is so delightful, showing us the "new things she can do for herself" that the OT and PT have taught her.

Answer 2

I live in Florida.
This is a very common problem in
my corner of the world. This, and voting.

You can pay someone to come in and help
with everyday chores,
or,
you can take the "Assisted Livng" road.

Myself, I prefer the assisted living choice.
However, it can be hard to steer someone
in that direction.
Usually, they have to forfeit a good bit of
their finances, and there is always that
stigma attached to going into a "home."

You need to explain to this person, that
going into a home is not what it once was.
Assistant living has changed somewhat
over the years. Today, some folks find
these "homes" more fun than being at
home. Also, they provide care that you
can't get in your own home.

It might pay you to look in this direction.
And, you do need to study the details.
There is no free lunch. And not all assisted
living quarters are equal.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Sounds all too familiar. My grandmother was in the same situation. We had sitters come and stay with her but that was a nightmare. Some would steal from her, some wouldn't show at all and so on. She finally agreed to go to an assisted living apartment. She is so much happier. They have activities, they can take the shuttle just about anywhere they want but they have supervision at the same time. She still maintains some of her independence which was VERY important to her. Best of luck...I feel for you!

Answer 4

The first thing you need to do is to get another opinion from a disinterested professional.
It can be a nurse or paramedic or someone else accustomed to making observations about people's conditions. Of course, someone familiar with eldercare and its challenges would be best.
Keep a record of your relative's accidents and near-misses, if they fall or slur speech or become uncognitive.
This is just the first step - the steps following are more difficult, but you need a good foundation upon which to build.
Fortunately, there are resources available for helping the transition to assisted living. It's a fact of life we will all face someday.

Answer 5

Does she live alone? If yes, talk to her about having a family member move in or getting a housemate or getting a home care worker.

If she does not have any mental issues (Alzheimer's, Dementia) then she may just need some basic help.

I have an 85 year old aunt who has her own home and does not want to move, but she sometimes needs help. The solution, her grand-niece who is in college moved in. The niece provides help but my aunt retains her independence.

Answer 6

Well my grandmother who has passed away had a similar problem. She wasn't taking her medication or eat and couldn't prepare he food. So we put her in an assisted living place Called Christian Heritage. It was wonderful it took care of her medication and laundry. All I had to do was assist her in taking showers during the week. It was hard at first to put her there but it turned out for the best. She had made friends and did lots of activities and she loved it. I did not stop taking care of her until the day she died. I was though this assisted living made my life much easier. Take care. and Best wishes

Answer 7

Your options, if this is for an elderly person, depend a lot on what you and this individual can afford and what state you live in. Options like assisted living are wonderful but can be costly. On the same side of the coin, if you are low income their may be services that can be provided to you free of charge. Contact your local council on aging and tell them you need help appraising options for an elderly loved one. If you can, be frank with your loved one and tell them, "I know you want to stay at home, and I would love for you to, but it is more important that you are safe." Some people you can talk to in this manner, others you can not. It might also help to talk to your loved one's doctor. S/he may now of some options or might even have medication that can help slow their decline mentally.

Answer 8

You don't say what the problem(s) is? Elderly? How about a home healthcare nurse? Much better than the alternative--the dreaded nursing home. Even if this person doesn't have a lot of money or no insurance (Medicare?) you can contact their county's department of social services. They will help this person get home healthcare.