My mother in law lives about700 miles away .They still own a home here so are here every so often for a while at a time.As soon as I know she is coming I get chilles in my back.She critizes everything about my home,my children,the way I dress everything.When she is here my husband caters to her every want.I feel like it becomes there marriage and not mine please help.
2007-03-29 10:51:57 · 12 answers · asked by what did you say 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
When you take those vows on that unforgetable day, you and he become one-you &the children are his new family-he has broken the ties with his mother-
I guess what Im getting to is this, you need to tell your husband that he needs to be YOUR husband YOUR family-especially when his mother is in town-he needs to put his foot down and tell his mom that he will NOT have ANYONE talk to his wife that way and if she continues she will not be welcome into his house
You should not have to put up with that-it is not only bad for you but for the kids to see Gma putting down Mom-is not good at all-they will look at you in different eyes-
She-the mother-will have more respect for HIM and you-and if he will not stick up for you and the kids-I would go stay in a hotel for the duration of the visit-and give him the choice-stand up for your family-or we will go until your mother leaves
You need to be firm about your decision...and stick to your guns-he'll come around
2007-03-29 11:02:28 · answer #1 · answered by bulldog lover 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have been married for 14 yrs. My inlaws from the beginning never liked me. They are constantly critizing my husband and I also. I recently have begun setting boundaries w/ them. If they are going to start offering their opinion on my parenting, my finances etc.. I tell them thank you for offering but if I want their advice I will ask. Hubby has reinforced this. Its tough but its your house. If they can't respect that then maybe they don't need to be there. You need to have a serious conversation with your husband. After 8 yrs of marriage I had to literally tell my husband its me and the kids or your mother. I hated to have to do that but when she was calling every night and talking for two hours, he was neglecting his own children and wife, just so he could chat with mommy. Your husband needs to be more supportive of YOU! You both need to set boundaries for his parents! I know how it feels, but you need to stand up for yourself and your kids. Good luck.
2007-03-29 18:02:16 · answer #2 · answered by Lela 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your best bet is going to be to suck it up and make friends. It the only way you'll survive it! Try to be hospitable, and sociable. When they are in town, surprise them and invite them over to a nice dinner, featuring your father in laws favorite dessert. Make sure your house is extra clean, and just really try to make them feel at home. They will notice all the trouble that you went to, and if they don't your hubby will. He definetly needs to dial back his catering to his parents, and this will happen sooner if he sees you truly making an effort to make friends with them. Here's the thing, they are his parents, and no matter what they say and do...he loves them, and only wants you to care for them too. You don't have to be a doormat, but show them that you are good to their son, and granchildren, and that you will be good to them too. Try calling your mom-in-law once in a while, even if it kills you, and just say you'd been thinking of her and just wanted to see how things were going. She'll soon warm up to you, and will stop being so critical when she views you not as the woman who stole her baby, but as the daughter she's gained. I can testify this works, and my now grumpy mother in law sticks up for me, over her own son. You catch more flies honey than you do with vinegar. Try to be nice, and remember if nothing more... be respectful, they're his parents, and the favor will be returned. I wish you luck and sanity!
2007-03-29 18:20:31 · answer #3 · answered by Green eyed girl 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I were you and knew she was on her way, I'd check into a hotel or Bed and Breakfast. When she comes to visit her son, you should look at it like a mini vacation for you, and tell your hubby how you feel and what you plan on doing everytime she comes to visit and why. Hey if the truth hurts, then so be it. Life's too short. If that don't work, lock the lady out!
2007-03-29 18:18:12 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk with your husband about this; it's his responsibility to deal with the effect of his mother on your marriage.
Insist that he set boundaries with her. He needs to be very clear that he values you as his wife, and that loving you doesn't mean he loves her any less. When and if she becomes critical, he needs to step in and end the criticism.
Stand up for yourself - and for your marriage. Your life together has importance, and neither of you can allow someone outside your marriage to diminish it, not if you want it to continue. Speak up - both of you!
2007-03-29 18:07:01 · answer #5 · answered by MomBear 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Screw that... do NOT grin and bear with it. They have no right to critisize anything about your life. You can talk to your husband about this and tell him that she makes you uncomfortable with all the criticism (sp). Tell your husband that you don't have to put up with her bullshit, or if you want, you can say it in a nicer way. I went through this, but in a different manner. I got tired, and exploded, and I had to tell my husband. My husband idolized his parents and sisters, but I opened his eyes and he realized I was right, now, I don't have to deal with them at all. If he doesn't want to say anything to his "mommy", well then you're going to have to. Be nice about it, say it subtlely, and if she doesn't like it, then tell her she doesn't HAVE to visit.
I hope this helps... I really hate when inlaws are so damn nosey.
2007-03-29 17:57:56 · answer #6 · answered by Jan 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Have you ever talked to your husband, and told him how she makes you feel? Then you should, Now do not let her intimidate you, work on yourself, read books on self esteem, Now sometimes what ever she says, just let it roll over your back. Of course be polite to her, and that is it, and you continually do the best that you can, for your family!
2007-03-29 17:59:22 · answer #7 · answered by roseannetb@verizon.net 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'd tell her she's just jealous because I KNOW how to dress and I'm not my raising my kids in the same bang up way she raised her. If she wants to dish it out, she better be prepared to take it because I'd dish it right back to her.
2007-03-29 18:20:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get over it. It's not like she's there forever. You married him and his family comes with him. It's a package deal. Grin and bear it.
2007-03-29 17:54:03 · answer #9 · answered by janicajayne 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
i say blow a fuse and point out all her flaws in front of hubby, then go off on him for being such a momma's boy.
2007-03-29 17:55:32 · answer #10 · answered by i hate undies! 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋