I try to give so much in a relationship, the men don't like that and they don't want to be smothered. How do I not do that and just give a little of myself.
2007-03-29 09:11:49 · 7 answers · asked by surfinhightide 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Well, most guys need their own space during a relationship too. For example, many guys love to spend time with their "crew" a lot and other guys are much more possessive and may demand more of your time than you necessarily want. Just figure out what he needs and wants by seeing how they respond to different situations and then adapting to those.
2007-03-29 09:17:18 · answer #1 · answered by jonathan beechwood 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well...
It is tough to give a specific answer to your question (because the question is broad), but perhaps these guidelines might help:
1.) If you are an overly giving/loving person, perhaps instead of trying to find a way of going against your nature...you should find a guy that is more receptive to that trait of yours. You might find, (and probably have found) that the times you try to suppress it, you have been unhappy. And there are guys that do enjoy a loving woman.
1a.) Where are those guys you ask? They are out there...you just have to find a guy that shares some of your core values and wants a similar type of relationship up-front that you do.
2.) Now, if you are just starting a relationship, or you feel that you are a bit obsessive/compulsive about your giving/loving/smothering...here are a few pointers that might help you curb that trait, without you feeling like you are 'killing part of yourself'.
2a.) Initially enjoy the relationship as a 'best-friendship' in progress. As the guy starts to shower you with more emotional affection, slowly allow your giving trait to increase. It is ok to receive...and heck, make the dude work for it a bit.
A common thing for most guys that 'scares them away' is they get 'too much emotionally from the woman' at the beginning.
If you have any 'just friends' guy friends, think about how you interact with them. Are you as giving with them? Were you always, or did it grow over time?
3.) Don't try to build up a relationship too fast...If you are in bliss in the beginning, just enjoy the moment. There will be plenty o time to start 'working' at building the relationship as time goes on. The start of every relationship should be like being at an amusement park. Fun, fun, fun...without a care in the world. If he ends up being the one, there will be plenty of time to work at 'building up the relationship' later.
To put it another way...
If a relationship is beginning well, there will be a 'natural' building up process that requires little effort. If at the beginning you feel you need to be doing something to 'build up' the relationship, chances are, he is not the one for you.
Hope the suggestions are some help and good luck! 'HE' is out there somewhere and will love that you are a giving soul.
M
2007-03-29 10:29:52 · answer #2 · answered by micharion 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is a tough one. For me it was the (unfulfillable) need for attention that kept me "over-giving" and smothering people, so when I finally realized I was losing people because of that, I decided to start paying attention to my own needs myself. I do no longer expect deep felt attention from others, but I give that to myself, and now I am able to give a little bit at a time of myself and also I wait with giving untill they ask. If they do not ask, they do not want to know, became my new philosophy... it worked. after a while I became more skilled in giving out my feelings without disturbing anyone by/with that... I wish you good luck in practising, because that is the basis for getting good at something.. if you don't try you wont learn.. so, my best wishes and good luck!! :)
2007-03-29 09:18:00 · answer #3 · answered by freebird31wizard 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's just like you said, just give a little of yourself. It'll be hard to not call him all the time or something but if it's for the relationship's benefit then just call once in a while and then wait for him to call you. Most guys, especially myself, love the chase, so when a girl makes her self too available it's no longer worthwile.
2007-03-29 09:16:13 · answer #4 · answered by Kmoneyyy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
time is on your side...slow down or stop and try to figure out why you think you have to be so giving of yourself to others...emotionally or otherwise...getting them to 'approve of you"as they would say...or "prove your selfworth to others"
this will start you in the right direction ...talk to others and maybe a trusted adult or couselor about it. It might be the family environment you grew up in also ...
try to get to know yourself better before getting into another "relationship" maybe have a good friendship with someone first...guy or girl..this is how we truely get to know ourselves is by being and talking with others about many things and issues in life, etc
you'll be fine...
hope this helps
2007-03-29 09:22:03 · answer #5 · answered by Gary G 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Take the time to get to know them, really get to know them. You will understand their likes and dislikes, this will tell you that ex. he/she might not like that you are there all the time, he/she might not like that they don't have a night out with there buddies once a week. You will be able to learn these things about the person and then you won't be concentrating on lust, love so much,
2007-03-29 09:16:03 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
when a guy/or gal pushes away overwhelming adoring love..they arent ready for it possibly. bad timing. someone else my dear, just might think thats the greatest gift of all for them and will absorb all you can give and still want more.
you have yet to find him or he to find you perhaps. if youre inbetween loves, with no love in mind...you are ripe to love that way. peace
2007-03-29 09:19:07 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋