My boyfriend & I are very happy together. We have a real chemistry, & we're the best of friends. However, I'm putting in way more raw emotion - I don't get why he needs so much time to throw "love" in the mix. He keeps saying he needs more time to "get there". It's been 8 months! I'm 24, he's 34 - have discussed that we both want marriage & kids, etc. But spending eight months of this seems like enough for him to really love me. Doesn't it? I hate hearing him say he needs more time - it's not like I'm going to change, or get "better". This is it, this is who I am. If he doesn't love me now, will he ever? Every other guy I've dated has told me how he felt about me way sooner. He says it took him a year to tell his last girlfriend that. We're lovely-dovey & cute - people can see that we are very fond of each other. But seriously, where's the love? My heart says be patient, my mind says he's setting me up for heartbreak.
I need good advice, please, I haven't gotten any yet. :(
2007-03-29 07:19:47 · 11 answers · asked by chaotic_mum 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
The only one who can give you good advice in this situation is YOU. Your heart already knows if your boyfriend is in love with you, or if he's just having a good time with you. YOU KNOW THIS. That little voice in the back of your head; your intuition; your heart - knows it already. You just need to listen and believe in your own intuition. I can't tell you what he's feeling because I dont know. But You know! So just trust yourself and follow your heart to ACT on what you already know is true.
Blessing and I wish you LOVE!
2007-03-29 07:29:43 · answer #1 · answered by darlinbaby 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Chaotic,
There may be several reasons why he hasn't "gotten there" yet. One reason is he is not the emotional type of person that you would like him to be. He may simply not be that "lovey dovey" a person, even with the perfect woman for him. Is this something you're willing to settle for forever? The second reason is that although he is fully capable of pouring his heart out, he may need Miss Right to come along and make that happen.....Sorry, but you know where that is going. One thing to consider is since he is 34 and still not married with children, he may have had this same trouble throughout his adulthood with other women. Since you are asking for help, I can tell that this is very important to you, and you have a strong conscience. It would sadden me to see a person like you with a heavy heart due to an unfulfilling marriage. My feeling is as somebody who used to be in a similar situation, you will look back on this as the best decision you ever made if you left him and opened the door for the real Mr Right to eventually be welcomed into your life. I hope this was helpful. - OOGABOOGA37
2007-03-29 19:59:28 · answer #2 · answered by oogabooga37 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Older guys tend to take their time. They've learned that that initial rush isn't always indicative of the real thing. Still 8 months seems a long time. He could simply not have the courage to admit he doesn't really have these feelings and is sticking around because he knows the odds of a guys his age catching a 24 y.o. beauty again are slim. My first instinct is that you should walk, but can't tell for sure from here.
2007-03-29 15:51:56 · answer #3 · answered by maxdwolf 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I really think you've answered your own question. Your heart says be patient and that's exactly what you should do. Instead of rushing your relationship and waiting for him to respond to you the way you want him to, just enjoy the ride. You said you're happy together... so just be happy together. You pressuring him could very well drive him further away from you resulting in unnecessary heartbreak all because you weren't willing to wait. Take your relationship one day at a time and when he does decide to open up to you it can be a truly beautiful moment.
2007-03-29 14:43:26 · answer #4 · answered by RealTruth 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well sweetie,you have two ways of doing this?If you really love him you will give him the time he needs becuase most guys will just say 'I Love You'and not mean it.Wouldn't you rather have him find his heart to really tell you he loves you and mean it then tell you that he loves you and not mean it?It's only 8 mths,I was with a guy for 2 yrs and never said I love you and only because I really didn't,I cared about him but not like that and I told him that and you know what I realized that i couldn't love him so I told him to find someone who can love him the way he should be loved.I know it sounds bad cuase your thinking I wasted his time but you know what now he is in a relationship that has that love he was looking for,it just wasn't with me!So you see he needs you to be patient and if you feel that you can't then you need to tell him and move on.Thats your heart telling you that the love your looking for is in another door.Your young and you still have alot of life left,don't be afriad to explore.Love will come to you when it's ment too...Good luck and I hope this kinda helps.Sorry it was so long ;)!
2007-03-29 14:38:49 · answer #5 · answered by carmel_cutie26 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I've found that pessimism is probably always closest to the truth: Therefore, he probably won't start to love you if he doesn't love you now. Tell him up front, "I've decided to look for happiness in some other place."
2007-03-29 14:25:40 · answer #6 · answered by SaturnMan 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
stop waiting on the love word . love is for poets and song writers.be happy you have someone in your life you can count on.oh yeah, marriage is a great way to screw up a friendship.
2007-04-01 10:07:23 · answer #7 · answered by lewis h 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Most say wait one year before you make this kind of decision, maybe he is listening.
2007-03-29 14:23:40 · answer #8 · answered by mayihelpyou 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
tell him hoe you feel. things will work out for better or for worse
2007-03-29 14:23:54 · answer #9 · answered by chocolate_girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
jusssssssssst go and give him tiggggght slap.
2007-03-31 05:46:24 · answer #10 · answered by kamiya s 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋