I have been dating a guy for 4 mos & we just broke up. He said he was acting the part of a boyfriend or pretending the whole time and never felt for me emotionally. This sounds completely unimaginable b/c hes a good hearted person, u cant pretend its there if its not esp 4 that long. He even inc. me in future plans yet never felt emotionally connected to me ever?! His past g/f were terrible 2 him and they were losers while im everything any guy would b looking 4 yet he felt 4 them after 3 mos so thats his criteria that he should be head over heels 4 me now & b/c of that feeling not being there now hes letting me go? I didnt love him till just recently i told him mature love takes time to grow and the reasons why his past g/f didnt work out was b/c it happened too soon. He also judges me b/c i had sex with him sooner than past g/f therefore he developed lustful feelings 4 me & that makes me not future material. He says hes not ready 4 someone like me, is there any sense 2 this?
2007-03-29 05:22:41 · 10 answers · asked by kt 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Seems like he has been hurt to much and is not wiling to try again right now.Maybe he does judge you but there is nothing you can change about that just talk to him and tell him how you feel .chances are he felt strong feelings for you but if someone is hurt that much in the past they can put a wall up and maybe fake feelings towards someone.Sad to say you might have to try and move on if he is not willing to trust you he might need time to heal before he can risk his heart again and you should have to put your life on hold tell him to call you when he wants to be happy and maybe you'll be there.
2007-03-29 05:35:12 · answer #1 · answered by kkwants to help 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you had sex with him very early on, yes, guys can't seem to get past the sex thing if he didn't know you very well prior to it.
But 4 months is a long time and can't imagine that he would still think or feel that way. You are right about mature love taking time. The first stage is the excited "romantic" stage helped along by 3 chemicals (Norepinephrine, Dopamine, and Serotonin) which produces those "giddy" feelings. Later on, 2 different chemicals (Vasopressin and Oxytocin) produce a more calming effect, thereby allowing each person to see the other more realistically. He may be thinking he has no love for you because of the more mellow mood. This is natural and shouldn't be mistaken as lack of love. If you continue with each other and grow to know each other more fully....that is when an intelligent decision can be evaluated and made as to whether this is a true love relationship.
Ask him for more time and relax and enjoy each others company. Don't fret too much about where the relationship is going. Don't pressure him regarding his feelings as that will cause a great strain in the relationship. Just enjoy and let things flow naturally to the conclusion of what might be.
Good luck.
2007-03-29 12:44:39 · answer #2 · answered by Patricia 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
No there is no sense to this. I would suggest to you that his past girlfriends probably were not as bad as he makes them out to be. Yes you can pretend to like someone for that long when you are lonely. He probably found someone else he is more interested in. Atleast you are finding out now instead of in 2 years (like I just did).
I am sorry to hear that this has happened to you. I hope that you get through it and that you find someone that likes you for who you are and doesn't use you.
God Bless
2007-03-29 12:30:39 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
A lot of things about love don't make sense.
I've been there, and believe me, if he said he doesn't love you, or he never did, then you JUST BELIEVE him, and don't try to read between the lines, or complicate it with the remembrances of "the good times" with him... get over him and try not to cling to a feeling for someone who doesn't feel the same.
Let it be HIS loss!
2007-03-29 12:34:18 · answer #4 · answered by V+ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sound "unimaginable" to you because you are in denial. What he told you could be completely true, men can do what he did to you easily. Stop thinking like a little girl and you will realize that.
Just move on, he isn't worth your effort or angst.
2007-03-29 12:27:31 · answer #5 · answered by Just a friend. 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
People break-up. It happens. You are young (at least you sound young from the way you wrote your question) so just move on. All that matters is he broke up with you. You can't force him to be with you or in love with you.
2007-03-29 12:27:25 · answer #6 · answered by sarah 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
girlfiend....he is a big time loser....duh..it is so evident ,he used your kind loving heart and thru it away.best thing you can do is move on.one day he WILL regret it.but hopefully by that time you will have found someone else and know then what real love is.love does not hurt,or use you.
2007-03-29 12:29:41 · answer #7 · answered by pattialfy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
omg honey, i am going through the exact same thing.. only we didnt have sex before.. haha hang in there.
2007-03-29 12:26:29 · answer #8 · answered by johnny.beans 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
yeah mabe he wanted to use you. or mabe hes not the person you think he is
2007-03-29 12:27:58 · answer #9 · answered by Andiekris 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes. That means he is not ready
2007-03-29 12:25:53 · answer #10 · answered by Michael b 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋