he has 2 sisters and one of them will definitely be in the wedding along w/my sister and best friend. is it rude not to invite the other, younger sister? we're not close and she's 17. the other sister is 31. i could go either way since 3 or 4 isn't much of a difference but i just can't decide. are there any guidelines to this?
2007-03-29 05:20:09 · 26 answers · asked by Susan 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
It isnt rude at all. Etiquette-wise, you are only required to have those who mean the most to you as your bridesmaids. Ive seen friends who only chose one of two sisters as their bridesmaid without any fuss over it. It happens. However, you must consider her response. At 17, she may be likely to overreact or to take this as a personal offense. She hasnt experience weddings or the etiquette thereof, so she may become upset. If you want to avoid this, Id suggest one of two options. One, you could make her a junior bridesmaid, where she gets the dress and she gets to walk down the aisle, but she doesnt stand up with you and she doesnt have to bear any real responsibilities. You could use this as an effort to get to know her better, as well. Or you could assign her another task. Maybe she could watch the guest book, hand out programs, or some other small task to make her feel involved. Bottom line is, its your decision on who you really want to be your bridesmaid.
2007-03-29 05:33:53 · answer #1 · answered by lilmissmiss 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I don't know that there are any guidelines really, it's ultilmately your decision. Are you not close to her because you just don't know her or do you not get along? If it's just because you don't know here because there's an age gap or because you haven't spent much time around her, then I think you should try to get to know her and include her in some way, but you're not obligated to do so! Give her a call and visit with her or you and your fiance' go visit her. Tell her you'd like to include her in the wedding as you will soon be a part of her family. Ask if she'd like to be a bridesmaid or guest book attendant, or do a special reading or poem. It's possible that she may be more offended by your asking her automatically to be a bridesmaid since you're not close and feel like you feel obligated or feel sorry for her! She may prefer not to be. What does your fiance' think about it...he knows her bettere than you!
2007-03-29 13:05:08 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
If there is no other reason than "you're not close" than I think you should ask her to be a bridesmaid too, especially if your fiance only has the two sisters. If it is a friend that you are iffy about asking is one thing, but this will be your new family and by not asking her but having her sister in the wedding may cause some hurt feelings... not just by her, but your fiance or mother-in-law might be hurt as well. Talk to your future husband about it and get his feelings on the situation too.
2007-03-29 12:32:45 · answer #3 · answered by SamCam 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would at least offer and say she's more than welcome to be in the wedding party, but the choice is totally up to her. That way she hopefully won't think it's completely family obligation talking and she can back down gracefully if she chooses. At least it ensures there won't be any grudges later over that. And there can be junior bridesmaids.
I'm having a bit of the same issue right now. My fiance has only one older sister whom I'm not very close to, but for the sake of future peace and since she really wants to be in it, she's one of my bridesmaids. Hopefully it'll be a good bonding experience. I'm just grateful that he doesn't have any more sisters and that I don't have any b/c I already have more bridesmaids than I need or intended (6-7)!
2007-03-29 22:43:37 · answer #4 · answered by Up an Evolutionary Tree 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, you should absolutely ask her to be in the wedding. Unless your fiancee and she have a BAD relationship, she should be asked to be in the wedding. Think about how hurt she could be if she is the only family member not asked to be part of your special day! If you think that she won't want to be because she's younger ... tell her that you and her brother would be honored to have her in the wedding, but that you also understand that she has a lot going on in her life (she must be a junior or senior in HS), and would understand if she'd prefer not to have any duties at the wedding. That being said, even if she opts out, I would still ask her advice on occasion ... if your at her folks for dinner, and shes there, and you're looking at invitations or colors for BM's dresses, ask her for the "young, hip" opinion. And ask her where she wants to sit at the wedding ... even if she isn't in the wedding party (by her choice), if the rest of her immediate family is, and are sitting together at the main table, she shouldn't have to sit with Great-Aunt Ginny who keeps pinching her cheeks saying "i remember when you were THIS big! Why don't you call more often???" Let her sit with her family if she wants.
Just tell her you want her to be comfortable at your wedding, and any role that she wants to play would be wonderful. Including happy guest.
If she does agree to be a bridesmaid, try to let choose a BM gown that she'll like ... or let the girls choose their own dresses, just the same color/fabric from the same store, so that she doesn't have to dress like her 31 year old sister.
Family events like weddings are a great time to get closer!
2007-03-29 13:45:49 · answer #5 · answered by Booklover 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
there are no guidelines! It's your wedding! you choose who you want and thats final. But you also have to consider the feeling of you future husbands family. the younger sister might fee left out because she's younger, I would include her even if it's not being a bridesmaid, ask to have another important job at the wedding (like reading a poem or passage or even sing a song for you). It will look good on your part from his family point of view. But I would def. try to include her in some way.
2007-03-29 12:29:56 · answer #6 · answered by mgabmt 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Maybe you could make her a junior bridesmaid, so that she is included in the wedding party (since she is family) and wearing a nice, coordinating, age appropriate dress for the pictures, but not involved with heavy planning for things like the shower and bachelorette party (which she probably couldn't even attend!).
Let her stand up on either side during the ceremony if she wants, probably next to her older sister.
2007-04-04 15:27:12 · answer #7 · answered by Julie K 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If it really doesn't matter either way then I think you should include her...maybe she can be a junior bridesmaid....If you already had a very large bridal party then you could get away with it....but since it is only 3 girls adding 1 more to save hurt feelings would be the nice thing to do. You never know it may open up a better relationship with her!!!
2007-03-30 14:56:44 · answer #8 · answered by kami m 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It's your wedding! You choose the people you love to stand with you as you get married. My fiance has a sister and 2 sisters-in-law, and I didn't ask any of them, even though he asked me to consider it (I did think about it, then decided against it)
2007-04-02 10:23:33 · answer #9 · answered by I Live To Serve... 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Absolutely invite her! At 17 she'll probably be thrilled to be a bridesmaid! And she is far too old to be a 'jr bridesmaid'.. I was married at her age!
The only real problem I can foresee would be that she couldn't go drinking with you at the bachelorette party.
2007-04-05 01:50:07 · answer #10 · answered by endorable 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋