seeing my ex for first time,help?

Question

I`ll be seeing my ex for the first time in almost 3 months tomorrow.He`s not coming up to see me but our son,but i still feel nervous.We were together for 6 years and he was my first love but he broke my heart twice when he walked out on me and our son.We got back together for 5 lousy months and then he left again just after new year and i found out by accident that he is seeing someone from his work,who he had always said he thought was ugly but anyway i don`t know how i`m supposed to act and don`t want to feel strange and awkward with him.

I still hate him a bit but know he needs to be in our son`s life.My son has learning difficulties so i`m also dreading how he`s going to react when his daddy leaves again and feel totally stressed out.My ex says he`s nervous too!

Do i mention his girlfriend or ask where he`s living and stuff or is this tabboo?I am a naturally nosy person though!I hope i`ll be ok when he leaves too and hope it`s not just been a case of out of sight out of mind

Answer 1

Well first things first. You want to look GORGEOUS, so that this gives you confidence and also reminds him what he threw away. That's a must. Then explain to him that you and he have to discuss how you both act in front of your son, no fights or quibbles, just normal and natural and friendly. I wouldn't ask too specific questions, more like what he's been getting up to recently. If he wants to mention his girlfriend then fine, if not, then your lack of curiosity will niggle him. I know you will be DYING to ask but don't, you'll feel much more in control of the day if you appear to be well composed, sensible and unbothered by his appearance.
With regard to your son, get your ex to tell your son exactly when he is coming back to see him. It's his responsibility to face the music, not yours, so your ex should look his son in the eye and grapple with his own conscience about the effect he's having.
Good luck, remember to look dazzlingly gorgeous but not as though you've made a special effort for your ex. You want to look as though you have really got your life together now he's gone.

Answer 2

This is what I would do - firstly I hope you have set a time and venue for him to collect your Son. If so, when he arrives invite him in for a coffee so that it is simply not a handover as your son needs to feel reassured that both parents love and have a relationship with him. He will see his son in your home environment and this will or should help you to feel relaxed.
Whilst your having coffee make it ten fifteen minutes - all you need to discuss is your son and how he is doing and what arrangements you are making for attention to brought to his learning difficulties. That should be all, obviously you will say what time you expect them back and perhaps are they going anywhere nice. That is it - I would not mention his girlfriend or your status either - if he wants to know he will ask and you simply say "lets keep this visit purely about our son" in conversation - because that at this stage is what matters. I am glad you are allowing access and that 'he' is wanting it also. The last thing your son needs now is re-action from either of you on conversation of relationships, so that is why I say keep it sweet. Who knows on the next visit, you may feel more confident to discuss a little wider topic, but on collecting and returning your child I would keep stum. But seriously well done for allowing your childs father to be involved.

Answer 3

I can understand your nervousness but he is nervous as well he's admitted that to you. For the sake of the child you do both need to get on and not argue.
I wouldn't ask about girlfriends at all. Ask where he lives and work etc but avoid discussing his new girlfriend.
You need to mention to your ex that your son may be distressed when he leaves and to make him aware that he will see him again. Could you not arrange regular phone call from Daddy or a letter weekly if there are long gaps in which they will see each other????
Part of me still thinks you want him back????

Answer 4

You shouldn't see him. You know you're only going to feel worse. Try to see if you can get a friend or your mom/dad to meet him to drop off your son, and then have him drop your son off with your friend/mom/dad. You don't need to put yourself in a situation where you're going to feel heartbroken. The only communication that's healthy at this point is discussing the care of your child and looking out for his best interests, which you can do over the phone. Your son is going to look to you for his own reaction, so you have to make sure you don't freak out. You should make sure this whole meeting is on YOUR terms, because it sounds like everything else has been his decision thus far. He shouldn't be hanging around at your house at all. He done you wrong.

Answer 5

If you and your ex have a child together, you have a right to know where he's staying, and how you can reach him. Tell your ex that he should either stay or go, because the back and forth is taking its toll on your son. Play it cool. His lovelife is no longer any of your business. Just know that he's a jerk (he said she was ugly and is now with her? Yea, that's cool), and don't call him out on it. Be glad that he's willing to be a father to your son. Talk about the kid, not about him, and try to divert any questions about you to the kid. Be strong, he broke your heart but you're tough and you can survive. This whole ordeal will make you stronger.

Answer 6

This is a tough situation, so the first thing you do is.... MAKE SURE YOU LOOK AMAZING!! Regardless of the reason he is there, etc, you have to feel great about yourself.

DO NOT ask him questions about his life, no matter what! Bite your tongue. You do not want him to see that you are still in love with him (or have feelings for him, etc). Be aloof but cool, for the sake of your son.

If he asks you about your life, be vague. He has no right to know what you are doing, who you are seeing, etc. But if you look amazing, and know that you do, it will at least show him that you can survive fine without him.

And lastly, DO NOT SLEEP WITH HIM!!! As much as you want to (if you do), this would hurt you so much more in the long run.

Good luck and take lots of deep breaths!! Also, have a glass of wine to steady your nerves (but not too many)!!!

Answer 7

Just let him see his son and let things go naturally whatever comes up comes up.It is important to keep a relationship with him for your sons sake.Explain to your son that his father is coming but you don't know how often he will see him.Maby the 3 of you could sit down and come up with a visitation schedule that you are all happy with that allows him to see his son on a regular basis.Good Luck

Answer 8

Just be yourself in this situation. No emotion,no questions, anything. Keep it light. You're going for our child not for him. I wouldn't ask how he's been, who he's with etc...If he asks you questions, give basic info. He should be nervous, rightfully so. He messed up and now has to 'confront' you and the situation now as a whole. I'm a very nosey person, but I can keep things in check when having to talk with someone whom either I can't stand or can't get along with (means the same thing). Good luck, and stay calm!!

Answer 9

hello there this is my suggestion the first thing you do is arrange to meet up for lunch you your son and him and have lunch at a local resturent I can reccommend zizzys, the pitcher and piano or caffe uno, or the oxox tower knightsbridge. as they are ideal places to go that is a much nicer way of going about things plus there will be other people around and it will make the atmosphere much nicer remember there is no need to be nervous just be polite and smile. thats all good luck make poiilite conversation preferably abou the weather or some topic of interest. any way good luck

Answer 10

Just talk about your son. He is coming to see your son and speak about him. If converstaion goes on then just remember the 2 of you are not together and he has crushed your heart 2 times dont go back for 3rds